I know I have been depressed lately.
I don't sleep.
...or forget to eat at all.
I have attested it to not "having" someone... but really it is because of my job.
Saying that I am having a rough year would be an understatement.
I've had rough years before, but not like this.
...and I'm one of those people that my job means everything to me!
and because it isn't going right, nor is anything else.
I have a student who threw a wrench into my normal classroom management... He is oppositional defiant...and now I can't seem to get back on track... and I'm flailing.
I got my yearly evaluation done this week.
This is something I normally breeze through and don't think twice about.
This year, I was stressed about it.
I even "practiced" ahead of time...I can't tell you the last time I "practiced" a lesson before I taught it.
Teaching is just second nature to me.
It went horribly.
My principal even came and told me she wanted me to have a "do-over."
She told me that she has seen me in action before and this was not the teacher she knew.
I have never regretted my decision to become a teacher.
I have never wanted to wash my hands and walk away.
... but this year, I do.
I don't know how to move forward when I have no desire to come to school... because I'm exhausted by noon and everything takes twice the effort.
My students aren't getting the best of me.
This is a sad fact for me to admit because I love the kids.
This is a sad fact because I have been at this for ten years now, you'd think I would know how to pull through this.
But I don't.
...I just don't know where to go from here...
Spring Break 2022
8 months ago