Sunday, June 27, 2010

How long has this been going on?

Colby awoke crying last night while I was still up.
I picked him up and asked him what was wrong.

He was shaking!

I asked him if he was cold or scared.

"Scared," he croaked out.
"Scared of what?" I asked.
"Don't let my feet touch the ground!"

He all but crawled up onto my shoulders.

I went and sat with him in the recliner.
His jaw jumped and I watched him scan the room.
His body curled in a tight ball with his feet up under him.

I started to rock him and told him that it was just a dream, nothing to be afraid of.
His eyes closed and soon he was still.

I'm almost positive he was never awake.

I wonder now how often he has these dreams... as I have found him on the couch several times lately...

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Make Mine a Double

Let me just tell you... I don't tend to do things, difficult things, by themselves.

I'm not even sure I would go as far to say I plan to add stress upon an already stressful situations. It just seems to happen that way for me.... Time, after time, after time.

For example...
*I got a new job, moved into our first house, got married, and graduated college all in the same week.

*I had my second child and closed on our house all in the same day.

So, why I thought that I could schedule Colby's tonsils to be removed and have nothing else going on... I must have been crazy!

Monday night, Sam ran a fever. The boys were with R.(my ex) and he said it was low grade - no biggie. My fear was that it was a virus and with Colby having surgery scheduled for Wednesday, he would get sick and not be able to go through with it.

On Tuesday evening, Sam's face began to swell. I took him to the medic-quik. They decided it was an abscessed tooth and prescribed some antibiotics. We scheduled a dental appointment for Wednesday.

By Wednesday morning (Colby's surgery day), Sam's right side was so swollen that he could barely open his eye.

It was so hard not being able to focus on both boys! But I had been the one that had gone through the training so I could be with Colby before his surgery, so the choice was already made.

At 6:30 am, they took Colby & I back to the "get ready" room. Colby got on his gown and his sterile(recycled) socks.

And then proceeded to watch cartoons.

The sterile suit they give the parents to wear is called a "bunny suit"... so to humor my son's request, I wore these:

Yes, I even acted like a bunny for him!

At 8:00, Colby and I headed back to the pre-op room. Colby was excited!! He couldn't wait to eat ice cream, and ice cream and more ice cream! I decided talking about the things that were to come would keep his mind off of what would come sooner rather than later.

At 8:30, they realized that the liquid "get sleepy" medicine that Colby was supposed to get in the "get ready" room hadn't been given.

At 8:50, they brought him the liquid "get sleepy" medicine. (I was starting to wonder what kind of production they were running here... because shortly thereafter, they couldn't find his "allergy band" that was supposed to have been put on in the "get ready" room as well. (I found it laying under the covers on Colby's bed.) Yes, they thoughts of "...And these people are going to be cutting on my son soon??" did cross my mind. But thankfully, I know enough about hospitals to know the people in the "get ready" area are not the same ones as in the "take out the tonsils" area.)

At around 9:05, Colby's "get sleepy meds kicked in. He lay there smiling all goofy. Then he said, "Mom, I lllllllllllllllllll."
"Colby, I love you too."
"I know son. I love you too! Don't strain yourself. I know you love me."

Shortly there after, Colby was out.

At 9:35, the hospital fire alarms went off.
At 9:50, the nurse came and told us that we were up next, but they were waiting for all areas to be cleared.

At 10:25, a pre-op nurse realized we were still there. She called and found out the the anesthesiologist had been taken into another case and they were waiting on him.

At 10:45, Colby woke from his "sleepy medicine" slumber. He looked at me, smiled, and said, "Oh... I'm done." which I had to tell him repeatedly for the next 15 minutes, "No, sweetheart, you haven't had your surgery yet."

At 11:00, Colby got wheeled in for surgery. (did I mention we arrived at the hospital at 6 am??)

At 11:05, I walked to the waiting room, only to find out that R. had taken Sam to the dentist and they were waiting to hear from him.

At 11:15, I got called into the consultation room to meet with the doctor. My heart sank into my stomach. Had something gone wrong? Were there complications? My head was swirling... I mean it had only been 15 minutes since I watch them knock him out again.

At 11:18, our doc walked through the door. Smiling he said, "He did great!"

By 11:45, Colby was fully awake and eating ice cream and jello and that is when I got the call from R . that they had sent him on to a oral surgeon. He needed my dental card and for me to come sign the consent form. (Again, why do things have to happen in multiples??)

I left all the grandparents with Colby. (Yes, that was a hard decision!) and headed down the road to Sam.

Once I arrived, the oral surgeon said he wanted to get Sam's tooth out ASAP! But then he found out Sam had had milk (while in the waiting room at the hospital) and said the surgery would have to wait until the morning.

By this time, Colby had been discharged from the hospital. So we loaded up both boys and headed to R's house.

Thursday morning, we were all up early again. This time for Sam.
Sam was in excruciating pain!

Sam (luckily) was the first patient of the day. We walked back. Set him in the chair. He was out within 5 minutes. We walked into the waiting room and 5 minutes later the doc came and told us Sam was done. (Wham-Bam-Thank you mam! Completely different from the long waiting the day before!)

So, by no means, had I planned to have double surgeries going on this week! Maybe in the future, I should just go ahead and plan to "make mine a double" before fate does it for me.

Now... after all this... I think maybe I should make mine a double.... cause heaven knows 2 bed-ridden kids aren't going to be fun!!!

Sunday, June 20, 2010

It means more than you know

There are people in your life that you never quite know exactly how to thank. The things that they have done for you go above and beyond what you would ever expect.

In high school, I was very quiet. (I know hard to believe, right?)

I wasn't popular. (Even though, at the time, my older brother insisted that I could be with that crowd if I wanted. He did run around with the popular crowd, and I think he was disappointed that I could care less.)

I was just happy with my little group of friends. The four of us did everything together!

I spent many, many hours over at Erin's house.
Her parents graciously opened their door to me time, after time, after time.

I would watch Erin and her dad interact. They had a playfulness between them that I didn't understand. Not having a true relationship with my dad made theirs intriguing to me. Dale had a quietness about him, but then, unexpectedly, he would do something to catch us off guard and make us laugh.

Back then, I didn't know the impact spending time with Erin's family would have on my life. When I graduated, Dale told me that he and Gail had always planned on having more kids in their family, he just didn't know I would come in the form of a high schooler.

When my mom died, Dale and Gail truly took on the role of being surrogate parents to me. They helped me find my first new car and helped with my wedding. They have given me advice when I needed it the most. But most importantly, they were there when my boys were born and have become grandparents to them.

Now days, Papa Dale chases my boys around. He still has a quietness about him... just not so much when my kids are involved.

Happy Father's Day Papa Dale! Thank you for showing what it truly means to have a dad!

Happy Father's Day Mom!

As a kid, I hated when we were instructed to make Father's Day cards and crafts. My mom and dad were divorced. My dad didn't play an active role. I lived in a small town where no one else's parents were divorced.

So... when teachers or Sunday school teachers would announce,"Today we are going to make something special for your dads for Father's Day!" I would cringe. I didn't want to make something for a man that I remember beating my mom, but I also didn't want to have to explain to anyone why I wasn't participating.

So, this week, when one of my fellow teachers said, "Hey, why don't we make a Father's Day craft on Friday?" I couldn't help but speak up.

We made the craft say, "Happy Father's Day ______________!" This way students could write in Dad or Grandpa or Uncle Paul or Steve (mom's new boyfriend) or even Mom or Grandma.

I told my students, "You write on that line the name of the person you want to give this to... anyone who plays a special role in your life that you want to thank. I would be writing mine to my mom."

I only wish I would have had a teacher think about that when I was a kid.

And, Mom, I know you are looking down on me ... Just wanted to say, "Thanks ...and Happy Father's Day!!"

Thursday, June 17, 2010

I might have frost bite by the morning

I finally have air!!!

For those of you that need the back story...
My fan belt to my ac in my car decided to go. It being a 12 year old car that will soon be put to rest, I chose not to have it fixed.

Then... in attempts to try to conserve on my energy bill, I didn't turn on my air conditioner until Memorial Day weekend... and then it didn't work. :(

I waited two days in the smoldering heat only to find out that it was the compressor.

A few days after that, I found out that it was under warranty (yea!) but the model was discontinued, so I still had to pay. (boo!)

You don't realize until you don't have air how draining it is not to have it.

I was tired all the time. (Mainly because I tossed and turned at night because I was so flippin' hot!)

I was constantly covered in a layer of sweat and that sweaty, sticky feeling never went away.
I would take cold showers to cool down, only to step out of the shower and be completely drenched with sweat again in minutes.

...and my attitude!
Seriously! All of the other teachers were like, "Oh, doesn't the sunshine feel wonderful today?" And I would be like, "How long till we go inside?"

They so did not understand! Until I finally said, This is the only reprieve I get all day! Here at school! Please. please. PLEASE! can we go inside??!!!"

Today, the compressor finally came in and was installed.
I drove home in my hotter than hell car... but when I arrived home...Ahhhhh... wonderfully beautiful, comforting, relaxing air!

Yeah... I'm gonna sleep good tonight!

Monday, June 14, 2010

Tooth be told

SupahMommy is having a contest... to tell your best tooth tale.

What you should know about me is I am competitive, VERY competitive!

I think this competitiveness comes from having 3 brothers... and not having the luck to just win things randomly... so I must compete!

I really don't remember losing most of my teeth....The only one I do remember is my first one.

We had just moved to Missouri. I really was proud of having a loose tooth, but I wasn't quite ready for it to come out.

So, there it dangled my mouth a thread.

I kept it that way for days.

Finally, my mother had had enough. She told me she couldn't handle seeing my tooth swinging to and fro any longer.

(Looking back, my mom played dirty. I didn't realize it then... but now I do! )

My mom made mashed potatoes for supper.

As a kid, mash potatoes were my favorite!

My mom called us all in for supper, but then told me I wasn't allowed to eat.


One thing my mom had never did was deny us was food when it was meal time.

She said, "I would hate for you to swallow your tooth with your mash potatoes and not have it to give to the tooth fairy."

Literally, I was in the bathroom for 2 seconds. One twist and it was out.

I'm not sure how much play the tooth fairy had in my decision... but the mash that wasn't something to be messing around with!!

Content with me the place to be

I have been there before... happy and content with just me and my boys.

After my divorce, I knew I had limited myself in my marriage. I wanted to get out and do it all! I wasn't going to allow anyone to hold me back....especially not a man!

I even went as far as denouncing the need for a man.

In fact, that is when my dating life just boomed!

Back then, I wasn't looking. My intentions in dating were to go and have fun... to experience things I had never done before.

I just have to get myself back to that place.

I've been working on it this weekend....

The boys and I spent time together just hanging out and having fun.

We went blueberry picking. We went to the lake. We hung out at home, sprayed each other with the hose, and grilled out. We had a great time!

Only a couple of times did I miss and yearn to have some significant other to share these experiences with.

I guess that is what is hard about the place that I am in... I still have the mindset of how it was when I was a couple. I know I need to just be happy and satisfied with the blessings God has given me... and just be content with me.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Home Alone

I don't know why it bothered me so much.
It is R.'s night to have them...

When Sam told me after the baseball picnic that he wanted to come home with me tonight, it made my heart smile.
I joyously walked with him to my car and helped him in.
Then he says to me, "Mom, tomorrow night I'm spending the night at dad's house?"
"No, sweetheart, your dad has to work."
"Never mind, Mom, I'm going with dad."

Again... it shouldn't have bothered me.
I just hate being home alone.
Back when I was dating Spencer (even though we weren't in the same town), I talked to him nightly for hours. So, I never felt alone.

My friends are great. They tell me to call when I feel like this. The thing is I have an emptiness, a void, that isn't filled by just friendship.

Everyone keeps telling to stop looking... that when I finally stop looking is when someone will come along.
But how do I get to the point of not wanting to look, when the desire to have someone to be with and to share my life is so strong?

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Trust me... I'm a dentist

Okay... I can honestly say going to the dentist is not my favorite thing to do. It doesn't even come to a close second... or five hundredth.

See... as a kid I had a horrible dentist!
He would numb me... but not wait until I was numb... and then he would start drilling.

Ugggghhhh! The sound of a drill is like finger nails down a chalkboard to me. It shakes me to the core!

So, here is my childhood masochist dentist drilling away, while the whole time I'm writhing in pain.

And what could I do?
I mean, he would have his hands all up in my mouth!

So, I would do the only thing I knew to do. I would moan and twist my eyebrows and forehead into a topographical map of pain.

He would look at me and laugh and say "Now... what is that all about? That doesn't hurt, does it?"
"Uh huh." I would mumble.
"No, it doesn't!" he would snort as he would teasingly elbow me.

When I went to college, I found a dentist that that understood my previous dentist horrors. He was gentle and doubly numbed me so I would for sure not feel any pain. I had that dentist till last year.
I had to move on as my insurance had changed. Actually, I went to him a full year after my insurance changed because I couldn't bare the thought of having another horrible dentist. But the growing cost of dental work did not justify my fears.

I had to get all of my old fillings replaced today.(Hence the reason for having to find someone in-network)
I had came and met this dentist before-hand. I had him fill my boys' cavities (Yes, I made my babies his guinea pigs. - He did a wonderful job with them.)

As I sat in the dentist chair, I did my best to keep calm. I took deep breaths.
The dentist sat down beside me and said, "These don't look like they will be too difficult. Do you want to try and go ahead without being numbed?

"Absolutely NOT!"

"Alrighty then... I guess we will numb you up." he replied.

"Make it a double!"

He laughed. "Don't worry you won't feel a thing!"

The feeling in my mouth is just now coming back around... 5 hours later... I think I like this guy!

“Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.” ~Johnny Carson

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Rated DF (Drama-Free)

I sit in front of my computer with everything to say ...and nothing to say.

Last week, Spencer started texting me again.
He told me how much he still loved me (that there isn't a day that doesn't go my that he doesn't think about me), how I had become the standard by which he now judged the women he dates (and that none have come close), and if I arrived on his doorstep, he would be ready to marry me without a second thought.

Six months ago, those words would have worked.
I would have forgiven him and gone running back to his arms.

For the majority of the year that we dated, I waited longingly to hear words that involved marriage come off of his lips. Rarely did he grant me what I wanted to hear....and when he did talk about it it was with the word if. "If I ever get married again...."
He would tell me that he just wasn't sure he was the marrying type anymore.

Even with that strong desire to want to be with him... to be married to him... I didn't force the issue. I just relished in the time that we had together.

After I broke up with him, he made the comment "Now you can continue on with your pursuit for marriage."
Those words stung....because I didn't understand how he didn't realize that he was the one I wanted to pursue marriage with.

Now, with him texting me that he would marry me without a second thought, messes with my brain.
So, I put up my wall. My only shield from getting hurt again. The wall that is totally against who I normally am as a person. The wall that allows me to say heartless things like I don't care.

I tell him that his dream is just that, a dream, and that we will never be together again.

He then texts me that he is in a bad place and that he just needs me to text him.
I tell him I can't be that person for him.

I felt horrible for saying it.

I'm that person that needs to fix everyone and their problems.
He knows that. He was playing the cards that he thought for sure would illicit a positive, continuous response from me.

I'm trying to do what's right for me.

Getting sucked back into drama is not what's best for me.
Spencer was drama.
I didn't realize it when I was dating him because his drama kept me busy.
It kept me in that "fixing" role all the time, but in the end, I realized I couldn't fix the drama when he was the one purposefully causing it.

So... in attempting to do what's best for me... I am now rating myself drama-free.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Amazing Grace

God has a funny way of putting things into perspective for me.

I was beyond stressed out in my last post.
I didn't feel like I had enough time for anything... then she happened.

My beautiful niece, Grace.

She decided to join our world a few weeks early.
I dropped everything and headed to the hospital.

I stayed up all night waiting for her arrival.

Waiting outside her delivery door...hearing her first cries... made me cry.
You see... Grace is my first and only niece.
Girls are few and far between for me.
I have 3 brothers and 2 sons.
I only have 1 sister-in-law, Grace's momma, LeaAnn.
My brother slid this under the door to announce she was here.

After I saw that Grace was here and healthy, I quickly ran back home and got my boys.
Needless to say they love her already!
And so do I!!!!!!!

Thursday, June 3, 2010

The good and bad of it... I said this is my therapy. I tried to start my day, but with all of these thoughts swirling around my brain, I decided I might as well get it out.

I tried to revel in my day as being the SITS Featured blogger... but all around me things seemed to be crumbling.

I made a 2 hour round trip to appear in court for a student's custody battle only to be told that the decision was already made and I wouldn't be needed. ( Not that I minded not going on the stand, but it would have been nice to know before traveling that distance!)

I got a call from my friend who had an affair on her husband. She had revealed it to him. I tried to be supportive... but it was hard considering I don't condone what she had done.

The ac guy finally shows... only to tell me my compressor went out~ i.e. $1800. Yuck!!!!!!!!!!! ...and today it is supposed to hit 90*.
He told me he would call me back this morning to tell me if it was under warrenty. I went to bed praying that it was. What else could I do? So... he calls back to say that it is BUT the company that sold it is out of business SO I would still have to pay $800 to cover shipping and handling fees.
All I can think is it's better than $1800... there goes our vacation money though. :(

My soon-to-be divorced friend just found out that her house is being foreclosed on her and it will be put up for auction next Tuesday.

And...I have this mysterious rash that has appeared all up and down my fingers that has decided to come and go for the last few days...
I googled it. It's hives. I think they first appeared the day Spencer (my ex-boyfriend) friend requested me on Facebook... and they have stuck around because he keeps texting me.

All of these things make me wonder, if in order for the world to stay balanced, since I was getting so much love yesterday, did I also have to have some pain too??

graciously taking a bow of gratitude

To say that I was overwhelmed would be an understatement.
I mean...I knew I would have comments, but to come home at noon to find 300 messages in my inbox was....WOW!
Thank you to everyone who stopped by yesterday!
Seriously, It made my day year!

My friend, Laura said, "Wow. That's a LOT of pressure Dawn! Now you actually know people are reading what you have to say."
I laughed.
Isn't that what this is all about?? To get out what you have to say?...even if no one, but you, ever reads it?

So thank you again to everyone who came to visit and to all of you who are choosing to come back for some more. :)

I have more things to tell... but Sam needs to be taken to the doctor (to get his Kindergarten shots) and I start summer school on Monday (which I don't have lesson plans for yet.) and I'm helping host my sister-in-law's baby shower on Saturday (which I am charge of making and decorating the cake.) So... needless to say, I shouldn't be in front of my computer right now!

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Hey! Hey! Whadda Say! ~It's My SITS Day!

I'm so excited!!!!
It's a good thing you can't see me through my computer... because you'd see dancing...and it ain't pretty dancing...BUT it is real excitement dancing.... and isn't that the best kind?

The reason for my dancing??? Because I am the SITS Featured Blogger today!!

Not sure what SITS is?? Well... it stands for the Secret Is in The Sauce and it is a blogging community where bloggers come together to read, and follow, and support their fellow bloggers through comments. It is the wonderful creation of Tiffany and Heather and I am sooo thankful for them! I have met and started to follow so many wonderful people because of their site!

For those who have never been here before, I tell it how it is. My emotions are many times raw and are very real. I use this blog as my outlet. I started blogging after my divorce when I had things I needed to say, but didn't need to say them to just anyone.

So...let me tell you a little about myself and my crazy life.

First of all, I am one of those people who gets herself into stupid (yet fixable) situations.(It's not a recent occurrence either... been doing it for years.) ...and, I guess, I have past that trait down to my children.
Hey... at least I can look back and laugh!

I am a mom to two beautiful, wonderfully smart little boys(Colby & Sam) who brighten my day daily even when they are driving me crazy!

When I'm not being a mom, I'm being a teacher. It's my passion. My students make my day and I try to make theirs, but sometimes they just gross me out! I guess it just comes with the territory. :)

I am divorced... which means I now get to deal with the joys of dating and an ex (and his girlfriend). It's been a curvy road, but I'm staying in between the lines.

When I have free time, (Ha. Ha. I know, free time, what's that???) I like to take pictures. I started out the year with the resolution of taking a picture every day. I failed. But that's what resolutions are for right? To be broken?
I still take pictures, just not every day.
Here are some of my favs:
Kite flying
Motorcycle Riding

But I also come across things that make you say "Wha??????" ...and they can only be explained with pictures - like this or this.

If you're still not sure what gives me ticks makes me tick, you should go visit here or here.

So I hope you enjoy your stay here...and come back and visit often!!