Friday, October 22, 2010

30 Days of Truth: Day Twenty-Two: Regrets

Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

I wish I hadn't had sex with someone I didn't love.
I know now days this is not uncommon, but for me it is.

Time has past since it happened... and I don't like to admit that it did.

I still have conflicting feelings about it.

This is what I wrote after it happened:
I didn't know.
I didn't know things would be so confusing and weird.
I didn't know that I would like someone and yet feel guilty.

Guilty for crossing a line that I wouldn't normally cross .
I know that he thinks less of me for crossing it.
Despite the fact that he says he doesn't, I know he does.

I am ashamed.
Ashamed in myself.
Knowing better... yet giving in.

Giving in is not something I do.
Giving in is what gets you into trouble...
and here I am.

Troubled by what might have been.
Troubled by what I can not change.
Troubled by what I long for and desire and just can't seem to bring to fruition.
Yeah... It did open my eyes to the fact that I will never allow that to happen again.

More to come...
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.

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