If you ask me how I’m doin’ I would say I’m doin’ just fine

I am struggling at school.
Not with my class.
But with the lack of support from my fellow teachers.
When my bestie, Laura, moved down to 2nd grade this year, I knew it would be hard...
and it has been.

But the reason I thought it would be hard is because I knew I wouldn't see her first thing every day... and I wouldn't have her to plan with ...and bounce ideas off of.

Instead, the reason it has been hard, is because I don't have any one in my corner.

Our school has switched to Standards-based grading this year.
A BIG adjustment for us.
We are finding areas that need to be changed... to allow us not to lose our sanity.
But, if I suggest something to my other grade level members, it falls on deaf ears.
Or, if everyone agrees with what I am saying, when I bring it up to our principal, I am hung out to dry... with everyone else acting like they don't have an opinion on the matter.

I have always been the person who gets along with everyone.
I truly believe in being a team member.
And supporting one another as much as you can.

I guess... I wonder... where that support is right now??

The light in your eyes

photo by tj blackwell

As a little girl, I would lay in my bed at night staring out the window at the street lights across the street from our house.  The light from the lamps seemed to streak their way to my eyes.  I decided that they did this because I was special... that they didn't do this for just anyone... just for certain people.
I would pretend that those rays of light were coming in and filling me up... preparing me... for whatever I had going on the next day.

I hadn't thought about that for a long time.

Last night, Sam calls me to his room.
"Mom," he says, "those lights out there... they are running to my eyes.  I can see all of the tracks they are making."

"I know.  They used to do that to me when I was a kid. Pretty cool, huh?"


 I then laid down beside him and let the light run to the both of us.

Cleaning can be dangerous to your health

First off, I have to tell you I am now officially addicted to Pinterest.
Be it new recipes, styles, funny sayings... I love them!!
But I have also found things for my home.

One thing I found was how to clean my microwave.
Half cup water and a half cup vinegar
Bring to a rolling boil
Easily wipe microwave clean.

Simple enough... right??

Well... if you have been reading me for any length of time, you know I can make even simple things go crazy wrong.

Yeah... this would be one of those times...
I put my water/vinegar mixture in a pyrex dish and put it in to boil...
It started bubbling.
I stopped it and started to wipe. (Normal right??  Just wait)

I then found a still stuck spot...
So I figured, "Eh... I'll just let it microwave a little longer."


What happened next, I would have never saw coming!!

I reset the time.
Stood there staring at it...
I know, I know... a watched pot never boils....
No... actually I realized that I hadn't unloaded my dishwasher yet.
So, I turned and walked away.

Suddenly... BOOM!
My microwave door flew open and scalding hot water spew out all over my floor.
Not kidding.

Not gonna lie... I screamed and a little cuss word might have slipped out.
I peaked around the microwave door sure that the pyrex bowl was going to be in a million little pieces... but it wasn't... and it was dry.
Dry, I tell you!!

I didn't understand how my kitchen floor could be wet and the bowl was dry???
So... of course, I Googled it. (yeah.. I Google everything!)

Here's what I found:
Boiling hot water needs somewhere for bubbles to form, and sometimes in a smooth container(like Pyrex) it can superheat. Then as soon as the liquid is disturbed, it can suddenly explode in a rush of steam.

The worst thing you can do is heat water in a microwave twice, because the first heating will clear out any tiny bubbles, meaning the second time through will be more likely to superheat it.


So... there you have it.
I made water explode! 
I wonder... how dangerous is sitting on your couch eating bonbons?  Cause obviously cleaning is too dangerous for me. :)

Yep. This is me

The break up

I haven't been sleeping...
and when I have... I have been having nightmares...
Ones of where I am completely out of control.
I had one the other night that I was driving my fellow teachers in a school van and I kept having panic attacks and running us off the road.  The attack finally got so bad that I pulled over and while hyperventilating, I said, "I can't. I just can't.  Someone else is gonna have to take over!!" 

Even though I am having a great school year with my students and my class... our school is changing things up report card wise and it is stressing me out!!

Also, things are too good with DP...
I know this isn't a reason to be stressed... but I am not used to being "on" all the time.
R.(my ex husband) was always gone due to coaching sports... S(the guy I dated for a year) was a long distance relationship who I only saw on the weekends.
DP wants to spend every evening with me when I don't have my boys... I know I should view this as a good thing... but I feel like I don't have any breathing room... and I'm slowly suffocating.

It's only September... I shouldn't be this stressed yet. :(

You only turn 36 once

I had a great birthday!
I really did.


My friends surprised me with a mustache party.

Some of them really got into it



We played some Minute To Win It...

 We saw how many people could fit onto one bed...

Don't ask how I came about wearing cat ears... not sure how that happened. LOL
We all had a great time though!!

Reason why ALL the suffering I went through last year was worthwhile

This is from the little boy that no one wanted in their classroom... and sometimes I wondered if I did.

Where were you when the world stopped turning?

I am a teacher.
Most of my life events are tied to being in a school building in one way or another.
Most memories involve those people that I worked with and became close friends with.

Ten years ago was no exception.
I was in my classroom teaching.
My janitor pops his head in my door and motions for me to come.
(He was an elderly gentleman and he liked to stop and share his latest joke from time to time.)
I walk to the door and he whispers, "Did you hear about the Twin Towers?"
Shaking my head, I respond, "No, what about them?"
"A plane hit one."


Now mind you... I thought he was telling a joke and all I knew was that I didn't catch the punchline, so I said, "What??  I don't get it."
So he repeated himself.
"You know... The Twin Towers... in New York (I nodded my head) ... a plane hit one." Then he added, "They're not exactly sure what happened... They think it was a hostage situation... It's all over the TV."


I remember my brain moving in slow motion... slowing processing what he was saying.

We had one TV that got stations and it was in the Art room across the hall. (the rest were just hooked to VCRs) Myself and the other 4th grade teacher walked our classes over to see the news footage unfolding this horrific event.  The other plane hitting.  People jumping. Looking back, that wasn't the best decision... but we really didn't know what we were going to be seeing.  Quickly though, we decided that this was too much for us to process, much less ten year olds... so we headed outside for recess. Military jets flew over us as we tried to keep the normalcy of our school day.

By now, we knew it was a terrorist attack. We knew it would change our lives... but we weren't sure how. There were reports that by the end of the day gas prices would be astronomical, so our principal came down and said she would let us all go a few at a time to go get gas. I sat in a bumper to bumper gas line a mile long. After filling up, I headed inside to pay.  I said to the cashier, "This is crazy!!" She replied, "The owner keeps calling and telling me to stop the pumps and raise the price.  I told him that there is no way... that I would have a riot on my hands.  This last time he called, I told him that if he wanted it done then he would have to come do it himself... but that this place will be completely sold out of gas before he can even get here." 

By the time I got back to school, parents began arriving to get their kids.  Questions started to arise as to why... they didn't understand the magnitude of what was occurring... none of us did.  But being their teacher, I tried to answer their questions.  That is the only time I have full fledged lost it crying in front of my class.  I explained that this was a scary time for us all... that I knew that my brother-in-law who was in the military would be called to duty... to a job that we didn't know who the enemy was yet... and to me that was the scariest thing of all.

As a 26 year old woman, I couldn't wrap my head around the hatred as the scenes kept repeating themselves over and over and over again on my television set. A hatred that would cause someone to cause to a whole nation to be in pain. Ten years later... I still don't understand that hatred.
But I do know... I will never forget that day...

It's my party... I'll bake if I want to

So... my besties are throwing me a party tonight and I am SOOOO excited!!

I have always loved surprises... and this week of hushed voices and "You just don't worry about what we're doing... mind your own business!" given with a smirk, has just been all kinds of wonderful!

However, I have never been one to have a party and not contribute.  I saw this recipe this past week and decided that this was what I was going to add to the deliciousness that my friends would be bringing:

Caramel Chocolate Pretzel Brownies

I mean, doesn't just the name of it send you to your knees??

Here's what you need:

Favorite brownie mix (mixed to box directions)
Kraft Caramel Bits & Chocolate chips(I used semi-sweet)
3 cups crushed pretzels
1 cup melted butter
5 tbsp sugar

(I have never taken pictures of the process of making food before... it just seems daunting to me to stop what I'm doing to take a pic... that and food just isn't the best subject when you want a certain pose. haha. But I figured, I would try it this once.)

First you crush up the pretzels.  I used a rolling pin and a ziplock baggie... if you have a food processor you could use that too... I just went old school.

work it... work it...

(I like a little extra crunch, so I didn't crush mine completely)

Combine pretzels, sugar, and melted butter. Mix well.
Press pretzel mixture into baking pan that has been sprayed lightly with cooking spray.

Make brownie mix according to package directions. 

Mix in caramel bits and chocolate chips. (I found the caramel bits by the caramel in the candy aisle)

the recipe didn't say how much of each... so I added both FULL bags... Yumm!!

Mix well and then pour over pretzel mixture.

Bake according to brownie package directions.

It already looks so good and I haven't even cut it yet!!  It would be perfect with ice cream... maybe add a little fudge or caramel sauce... I mean, if you're gonna do it you might as well go all the way, right??

**I will update tonight after I serve it, so you can see the deliciousness in it's sliced form.**

A Series of Unexpected Events ~ Friday confessionals

I confess... that the past week has been filled with unexpectedness.

I confess... that these arrived to my classroom a week before my birthday. Needless to say I was surprised.

I confess... I wasn't sure as to what to think when I saw this do... but have decided that I won't be doing it any time soon...

I confess... I don't just <3 my bestie, but her daughter and hubby as well....

I confess... this day could not come soon enough for me...

I confess... removing a frozen bag of corn from a hot burner doesn't bode well for a clean kitchen... or the attempt to make tacos quickly.

I confess... going out with friends to a comedy club = just as many laughs before the show as during.

I confess... two lost teeth in a week's time reminds me how fast they are growing...

I confess... it made me sad when I was no longer needed for the water slide.

I confess... I have the best group of students this year!!

I confess... that my allergies had me coughing SO bad that the only relief I found in the house was this...

I confess... even though I am still fighting the urge to "run", I thoroughly enjoyed getting a special dinner made for me and my fav. chocolates for a b-day present. (the red velvet cupcakes were yummy too!)

I confess... I'm finally getting used to my "longer" hair... Whadda think??

That's my boy!

Being 6 and 8, my boys all of a suddenly think they are big...
So...they had a camp out in their dad's front yard.
They each got to invite a friend.

Late last night, my ex, R, snuck out to check on them.
This is what he reported this morning he heard:

Colby: Let's play truth or dare!
L (Colby's friend): Okay, Colby, you first then... truth or dare?
Colby: Truth.
L: You ever kissed a girl?
Colby: Yep!
L: You have??!! Who??!!
Colby: (Serious as can be) My mom.

What are you fighting for? - Friday Confessional

I confess... I'm surviving my year so far without having my bestie, Laura, next door to me.
I confess... that, without her though, I am a lone wolf.
I confess... that I am doing my best to "fit in" with the "others"... but it always seems fake and surfacey.
I confess... I'm not a fake and surfacey type of gal.

I confess... that my ex and I have been fighting.
I confess... this is not normal for us.
I confess... I don't like it... but I don't like to be steamrolled either.

I confess... I haven't cut my hair since May.
I confess... I thought it would be awful.
I confess... I actually have liked all the different styles I have tried so far.
I confess... I have gotten LOTS of compliments.
I confess... I wish it would grow faster.

I confess... my birthday is less than a week away... and I'm stoked!!

I confess... my besties are throwing a party for me at my house. Theme suggestions anyone??
I confess... I haven't had a birthday party thrown for me since I was 22.
I confess... My mom threw my last party for me.
I confess... I have missed having birthday parties.