I guess I will have to eat a little crow...

My brother moved in with me last October with plans of getting my sister-in-law's nail shop up and running before she quit her job and came here.
It was suppose to have opened in November... That didn't happen.

My sister-in-law joined my brother here in January.
Her nail shop opened in February.

Since March, I have been telling my brother (who is looking for his first teaching job) to apply EVERYWHERE!!

I told him that you don't get your dream job in the exact town that you want your first go around.  Sometimes you might have to drive... or take a grade level you don't want... or a subject you don't want just to get your foot in the door.

I got him a full time subbing job at my building.... In hopes that they would see the potential in him that I knew he had (and also with the hopes that I could eventually - sooner than later - get my house back!!)

But Tim, he was picky...
He would only apply for jobs within 15-20 minutes of my house or the nail shop.
If it was a grade level or subject he didn't want, he didn't apply.

I was getting SO frustrated!!

The end of the school year finished with Tim still being without a job next year.  I know that frustrated him... but it frustrated me even more knowing there were jobs out there he could have applied for, but didn't.

So, he went back to Wisconsin to paint houses for the summer and left his wife here with me.

The beginning of this week, he called to say he was coming back for an interview ...at  the exact school he wanted to teach at  ... in the exact subject he wants to in.

He got the job.

Of course, I'm happy (Ecstatic really!!)  ...But it kinda means I have to eat a little crow. :/

The lessons I've learned... and are trying to pass on

Surprisingly (to me) I have been placed in the position to counsel many a person through/after their divorce.  Don't get me wrong... I am no expert here.  I have no doctoral degree hanging on my wall. What I do have is a degree of Hard Knocks.  I have seen it, lived it, survived it.
Here is the most recent advice I have given... it was weighing on my brain and I needed to get it out... to validate it, I guess.

1. Don't put your children in the middle. Watch your comments. Watch your actions. If it will hurt them in  any way when thinking/talking about your ex. Don't. Repeat to yourself, "Don't."

2. Continue to love your ex's family. They did nothing to you. This is not their fight.  They will support their child... that is parental instinct. Doesn't mean they care about you any less.  You were family to them for many years... that love doesn't stop over night.  Don't let yours.

3. Don't forget friendships. Friends will take sides... at least most of them.  This is normal.  In a fight, that's what happens.  If a friendship is worth holding onto, fight for it! Fight for them to stay friends with the both of you if they don't want to take a side... better than to not have a friend at all.

4. No material possession is worth the fight. It might feel like it at the time... but keeping your sanity and being able to walk away with that in tack is much more important than any possession.

5. Don't hold your emotions in... let them out. It is normal to be pissed. It is normal to not be able to look at that other person without such hatred that you never thought you could have... especially towards someone you once loved.  But that shows that that person truly meant something to you.  Don't deny yourself those feelings.  They will subside over time.  That hurt won't be quite so strong one day... but only if you let it out.

6. Love those around you. Your children, your friends, your family.  They will become a leaning post even when you thought you could stand on your own.... and most importantly when you can't.

Dear Abby... or anyone for THAT matter!

Out of the blue I had a fellow co-worker call me today.
I wouldn't label what we have as friendship... more like acquaintances that work at the same place.

I really truly knew nothing about her until our staff Christmas party...
...where she secretly got drunk
...in my kitchen
...by herself
...while everyone else hung out and talked in my living room.

She then revealed to me that she had a terrible marriage, but didn't know how to get out.
I gave her some suggestions, but doubted that she would remember for as drunk as she was.

So, today, she called to ask if she could move in with me.
It caught me completely off guard.

I wanted to immediately say "No, absolutely NOT!" because I don't know the full extent of the drama in her life and I don't want it to become part of mine and my boys.

But in the same since, my brain reels back to my dad being abusive to my mom... and all the people that helped her (& my brothers and me) get out of that situation.

I'm torn.

I told her it was not a light decision and I needed a day to think about it.
I just don't know what to do...

Good Advice...

Have you ever had one of those days that even though things weren't going terribly wrong...they weren't going terribly right either? That seemed to be my day today - Happy Friday the 13th, right?

So, I felt like I needed some advice... some words of wisdom... something that made me say, "You're right!! It's ALL good!" Problem is...I decided this at about 10:30 pm when most of my friends and family are in their cozy little beds sleeping. Trust me - not a ONE of them would guffaw if I called them up on the phone right now... I just was raised that you don't call a person's house after 9pm. Corny... I know - but somethings from your childhood stick! That and I don't know what advice I would be searching for... I guess a mental stroking is what I truly need.

So, I went searching...and I remembered this song from the nineties by Baz Luhrman -"Everybody's Free".
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTJ7AzBIJoI

It reminded me of some things that I probably need to remind myself on a daily basis... or at least on those "off" days.

Enjoy the video or just reading the advice...Maybe you will find something in it that you can use for your life today...I did.

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it.

The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience…I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind;

you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth

until they have faded.

But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you

Sing

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts,

don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss

Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead,

sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end,

it’s only with yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…

the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives,

some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children,maybe you won’t,

maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…

what ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s.

Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it,

or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own..

Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings;

they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go,

but for the precious few you should hold on.

Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle

because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard;

live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise,

politicians will philander, you too will get old,

and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable,

politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund,

maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it.

Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal,

wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen…