Thursday, September 15, 2011

The break up

I haven't been sleeping...
and when I have... I have been having nightmares...
Ones of where I am completely out of control.
I had one the other night that I was driving my fellow teachers in a school van and I kept having panic attacks and running us off the road.  The attack finally got so bad that I pulled over and while hyperventilating, I said, "I can't. I just can't.  Someone else is gonna have to take over!!" 

Even though I am having a great school year with my students and my class... our school is changing things up report card wise and it is stressing me out!!

Also, things are too good with DP...
I know this isn't a reason to be stressed... but I am not used to being "on" all the time.
R.(my ex husband) was always gone due to coaching sports... S(the guy I dated for a year) was a long distance relationship who I only saw on the weekends.
DP wants to spend every evening with me when I don't have my boys... I know I should view this as a good thing... but I feel like I don't have any breathing room... and I'm slowly suffocating.

It's only September... I shouldn't be this stressed yet. :(

2 comments:

  1. Ah Dawn,

    I could have wrote this myself! I go through patches of the above every few months, with one difference...I'm not always sure what's stressing me out. I have those nightmares all the time, it's scary. Since getting married I sometimes feel stifled and suffocated, L and I only used to see each other at weekends before this - his work my work etc. Nearly four years on and I'm still adjusting lol, it's hard when you're an independent person, even harder if you find it difficult to let people in and let them get close to you.

    Try not to think about it too much or to over analyse (easier said than done), it'll all work out.

    Wishing you a good day and a fab weekend! x

    ps am making myself a coffee - one day we should synchronise coffee drinking, it'll be like having one together!

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  2. Our child care center is changing so much right now and I am really resisting the change and trying to keep my mouth closed all at the same time.
    Interesting about the dreams whenever I get really stressed I have car dreams as well. It's always something like I can't reach the brakes or the steering wheel goes out of control and it's always a different vehicle.(bus, mini van, car)
    I hope things get better with DP and I wish I had suggestions for that situation.

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