Wednesday, October 22, 2014

A birthday wish

I wake.
It's not immediately clear that you are here with me, but you are.
I go about my day.
I read off the date to my students and it hits me.
It's your birthday.
How could I have forgotten?
I stop frozen in my tracks... but only for a second because young voices call me back to the present.

Later, with the sun on my face, I admire the changing leaves.
Happy birthday to you!
Nature's own special gift.
Again, I smile.
How many times did you make the trip to see the mountains of changing colors?
Too many too count, I'm sure.

Blinking through the tears, I look to the sky and whisper a soft "Happy birthday" hoping the gentle breeze with carry my wish to you.

Sunday, October 12, 2014

floating downstream

So... first off, I know Facebook isn't private.
Not totally anyways.

But what I didn't know is that if I post something onto a public forum page, it will show up in my feed for others to read.

...and here's how my story begins...

So... I follow this public forum where the curator every so often posts - "Right Here. Right now. Tell me the 100% truth"

So I did.

I typed "The guy I'm dating mentioned me being his wife tonight... And I'm scared because we have only dated a month."

Well... guess what.  T doesn't spend a whole lot of time on FB... but as my fate has it, he logged on RIGHT after I posted that and that was the FIRST thing in his news feed.

I found it strange that he was calling me so late.

But this is the kind of guy that he is... He told me why he was calling (yes, I was completely embarrassed!!) then he explained that he had said that tongue in cheek (which I knew he had) and then he gave me a scenario.

He said,  "When we are fighting against our past fears, it is like we are trying to swim upstream. It's hard. We wear ourselves out. But when we roll over onto our back and look forward, it's like we are floating downstream.  It's easy and it takes us to where we are meant to be."

So... here's to floating downstream.

What a nasty, rainy, glorious weekend - Seriously Serious

Yeah... So I had this wonderful weekend all planned out where the boys and I would hang out with the new guy I'm dating, T. We would go to a festival nearby hanging outside all day...

Somehow, I missed watching the forecast.

And it rained... and rained... and rained some more.

This, of course, kept us inside...

But, it also kept us inside... to take time to do things we may not have otherwise.

Like playing this game...

My mother bought it for my brothers and I back in the 90's.  I honestly don't remember playing it as a kid, but when my youngest brother was cleaning out our family's home, I called dibs on it.

I had forgotten about it until I was digging through my HS stuff and I came across it again.

Sam is my game player.  Ever since I told him about it, he has begged me to get out the box and let him play it.
This rainy day just happened to be that day.

And we read fate cards like this:

If you know Branson, you know about some seriously serious traffic. LOL

Then to get out of the house, we headed to a little hole-in-the-wall coffee shop that I just stumbled upon once when Sam needed to pee. (I know.  The things we do as parents)

It is such an eclectic little place... and drinking coffee there just makes me smile.

T. also loved it.  Which added to the list of "Reasons why I like this guy..."

We then came home and T. fixed us dinner (Yep. That would make the list too...) and this just happened in my salad.

No, T. didn't plant it there... it just fell out of the bag like that, but it made me smile and solidified that this weekend was pretty great.

Who knew a nasty rainy weekend could be so glorious??

Monday, October 6, 2014

Babies... Such a nice way to start people

I know for majority of the world they would think of me as a crazy woman to say that I'm excited to go meet my ex's new baby.

And maybe I am... Crazy that is.

Or maybe I just love babies...

Or maybe I have just moved past the past and am okay with the future.

Was it emotional?  Sure. My boys were pinging off the wall with excitement and  I'm very excited my boys got to be the first to meet their sister!

Was it stressful?  Not at all.  I know that it is not only a unusual situation for me but also for K., R's gf... I mean, here I am the ex coming to see your new baby.  But I'm very thankful for K.  I'm thankful that she doesn't try to replace me, but I'm also thankful that she is okay with my presence.

And she let me snuggle that little bundle of joy... Yep, babies can't help but love them... No matter what.

My boys with their new sister, Lila Mae.

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Can someone take the limelight off me? thanks.

So... I have been a fairly decent student most of my life.
I was what you would call the "ideal student."
I was quiet.  I raised my hand.  I did my work.
Teachers liked me.  I got termed "Teacher's pet" a lot.
A lot. A LOT.

As an adult, not much has changed... okay, maybe the quiet part, but I still do my best to be a good student.  And actually, not being quiet in a masters program gives me my voice to state my opinion... But I digress.

I have never really enjoyed being the teacher's pet.

I feel like it is a reason for people to have disdain for you... and deep down, all I really want is for people to like me.

So, tonight in my master's class, my professor calls me out to ask if I would consider taking on a student teacher - an undergrad that he is very close to and he thinks would fit perfectly with me.  "Sure." I say.  (No biggie.)

Later in class, he tells us he is going to read over an assignment that we turned in last week.  He said that the paper he is going to read is not perfect, but that it is a great example of what he is looking for in response to his question.

He holds up the paper to begin reading... it is written in purple ink.  Yes, I am in a class of mostly middle school and high school teachers... Me?  I'm an elementary teacher.  I don't use blue or black... I use pink and purple and turquoise...  I immediately know it is my paper.

I was honored, yet also embarrassed.

For one, because I walked out of class last week telling everyone how I felt my assignment had been horribly written.

For two, because despite the fact that he shoved my paper into the middle of the stack (so no one would know whose paper he had read), there was no denying the purple ink that lay in front of me when he handed it back.

For three, because again, I don't need/want that limelight to be shown my way.

For four, I believe that just upped the standard that I have to hold myself to... and I'm already SO tired.

So, please, turn that light somewhere else.  You're blinding me here!!

Morning Haze

The haziness of the morning light covers me like a light blanket. 

Me grateful for the warmth that it provides but yet still allowing me to feel the crispness of the morning air.

Nothing quite provides like the morning glow. 

It reminds me that a new day is ahead of me.

Everything from yesterday has been washed away. 

And this new day its just starting to shine.

Sunday, September 28, 2014

20 years later...

I had my 20 year high school class reunion this weekend.

I had mixed feelings about it.

Part of me was excited - I had helped my friend Leslie get things ready and I was ready for everyone to see our hard work.

Part of me was nervous - I didn't run around with most of the people in my class (sure I knew them, but we weren't close) and of the three girls I did spend my time with, only one was coming.

I went at it though with a positive attitude and thought, "Well, if it doesn't go well... I don't have to see them for at least another 5 years."

But it did go well... very well, in fact.
You see... I could have never predicted how it would have panned out...
And I'm glad I couldn't.

I made some great new friends out of some old acquaintances - My eyes were opened to the fact that just because people are lumped in with other people because of their interests does not make them catty and mean like the people they were lumped with...
In fact, 20 years later, they are still trying to get away from that association.

I found out that there are classmates of mine that think I am someone else... and that's okay... It's been 20 years, I don't expect you to remember.  But just for some clarification, my mom wasn't a sub at our school and I don't have 2 beautiful daughters.  Whatevs :)

I also got my ego stroked a little.  I got propositioned by a classmate - I turned him down.  He had been drinking and I don't roll that way. I'm not oblivious and as I looked up from my drunk classmate and my conversation, all eyes were on me and all conversations appeared to be about us. Afterwards, I found out that I did have some of my classmates throwing out wagers (against me) that the one-nighter was going to happen.   I told them to their face that I have more dignity for myself and our drunken classmate than to do that.  I was then told I had balls. LOL

My ego got stroked a little more by another classmate the next night(who wasn't drunk) who told me that he wasn't trying to hit on me but wanted to tell me that I was the prettiest girl in the class and that he was sorry he hadn't told me that 20 years ago when he knew I didn't have much self confidence.

My favorite part though was catching up with someone who had befriended me back when I started school there and then our paths parted.  She currently homeschools her children because of one of her children having a disability.  She said that he now wants to go to public school, but she is afraid he will be treated differently.  I told her how much I loved my students for their differences... and she cried and said she hoped her son would get teachers like me.  I told her I would pray for that to happen.

Yes, I could have never predicted how this weekend would have turned out.  But I'm glad I went to find out.