Sunday, April 13, 2014

Casualty of war

I realize that Facebook is not a war area...
But I do know that I am VERY much a people pleaser.

I don't like it when I know people don't like me... it makes me feel very uncomfortable.
In fact, I will pretty much do anything to get that person to like me... OR avoid them at all costs.

Facebook has put a new spin on "friendships" for me.
You see... I know that people "unfriend" people for MANY different reasons... I get that.

But I have recently become "a casualty of war" when it comes to FB friends...
I have become unfriended because friends of mine are fighting with other friends of mine.
To ensure they son't have ANY contact with that other person OR because they think I will take the other person's side, they have unfriended me.

I really feel like this is middle-schoolish!
I try not to take it personally and let it roll off my back... but I really hate the fact that there are previous friends out there that haven't let me say my piece. :/

Friday, April 11, 2014

My ex is having a baby

"How many kids do you want?"
"Three - two boys and a girl"

That conversation between me and my ex rings in my head.
It has several times over the years... especially when others talk about being pregnant and I say "if the time was right... I would have another."

But it doesn't seem that the time has (or ever will be) right.

And I'm okay with that... most days.
However, when my ex calls up and says that he has news... and the news is that he and his girlfriend are having a baby... and am I excited for them??

I can't seem to muster it up.  Not yet anyways.

Don't get me wrong. I don't want him back. I don't want to have a baby with him.  I just want another one of my own... and my door is quickly closing... and for that reason, I am sad.

Monday, April 7, 2014

Mother/Son date

It wasn't planned... But Colby and I found ourselves home together tonight.
(Sam decided to spend some time with his dad... since I had been hogging him since the accident.)

Colby is in fifth grade.
In my eyes, that is still too young to date... but it is never too early to learn.

So... tonight he and I went on a date.
I told/taught him all the things that I wish someone would have told me at a young age to expect from a young gentleman. (I honestly don't remember my mom talking about dating... I think she thought if she didn't talk about it maybe it wouldn't happen... and it didn't... for a long time.  But when it did, I definitely didn't have high expectations - and that's NOT a good thing.)

So, we talked about how you pick her up and how you treat her parents.  We talked about what makes a fun date.  We talked about proper dinner etiquette.  We talked about respecting her parents' curfew time and when she should be home in reference to that.

And we talked about kissing.  Yep, kissing.  We talked about respecting people's bubbles and if, and only IF, a girl allows you into her bubble, do you kiss her.  And if she doesn't, then it wasn't the right time, or maybe not the right person.  We talked about how it's okay if it takes time to be allowed into that bubble... that a friendship turned into a relationship will more likely sustain.

At the end of the night, it was raining.  He held my hand until we got to the car.  He opened my door for me as I got in.  Once we were home, he thanked me for going on a date with him.

I think we have a good start... Not that I plan to allow him to date any time soon. ;)

Sunday, April 6, 2014

God has a way of putting things in perspective

On Tuesday, I came home and bawled my eyes out.
I felt like the year I was planning for next school year had been ripped out from under me.

Then on Thursday, my son, Sam, got hit by a baseball while he was up to bat. The injury caused a 4 cm tear in  his spleen.
He has spent the last several days in the hospital being monitored... while I (along with many of our family, friends, neighbors, colleagues, teammates, classmates, etc.) prayed.... and prayed ... and prayed some more.

You see... Other things in the world don't seem to matter when the words "Bleeding internally" are thrown into your vocabulary.

So... Sleep deprived that I am, I want to you all know that I do know the little things (like job assignments) don't matter... and the big things (like the well-being of your children) do.

...Hug the ones that are close to you a little tighter tonight; for you never know what tomorrow will bring.

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

When all you need is a good place to cry

I have tried my hardest to find the positives in my brother and his wife living in my house for the past 8 months.  Most days I do pretty good.

But today... today I got news that just made me want to cry. Literally sit down and bawl my eyes out.
I had been promised by my principal that I would get to move out of the hall where the mean girls reside. And, even though, I have made myself "be okay" with it for the past 7 years, just knowing that this would be the last year made my heart skip a beat.  Well... tonight she let me know it wasn't going to be able to happen.  She knows my situation and how I feel... just the higher ups made a decision that she didn't have control over.

So, I just needed to come home and be by myself... and cry it out.

But the thing is... when you have extra people living in your house, you can't have that gut wrenching cry that you some times need to have.  You can't have the dark and the silence with nothing but your thoughts that an empty house can provide.

You just can't.

If you say gullible slowly, it sounds like "oranges"

I love being able to laugh and joke with my students!  By this time of year, it is a normal every day occurrence.  I love being able to "get them" on April Fools Day!

But the laugh today didn't come from me just getting them... it came from them getting my student teacher.
Yep... the ol' quarter down the nose trick.

She'll learn. ;)

Thursday, February 13, 2014

All you need is love... love... love is all you need

With all of the snow days that we have had, February began without me really even thinking about it.  Our first day of school here in this month was just on Tuesday...  Which left me in shell-shock because that meant I had to get mentally prepared for a Valentine's Day party just a few days into returning to school.

Let me explain for all of you non-teachers out there... Some teachers love parties. Some don't.

I fall into the LOVE category, but I have to get my mind set for them.  I have to remind myself that there is going to be ciaos and that the perfect laid plans will ALWAYS go awry.

But not only do I have to mentally prepare myself for the party this year, but I have to mentally prepare myself for the fact that I'm single... with no prospects.

With all of preparation going on at the last minute, my children brought back to reality. (in the wonderful way that they do.)  They reminded me what this "love" holiday is all about...

Tonight, as they were getting ready for bed, they were talking in the bathroom while they were supposed to be brushing their teeth.

I went that direction to hurry them along.

I got stopped by Sam. "Mom, could I have $2.00?"

"What for?" I inquired.  (You see, the 4th graders are selling "valentines" for $2.00 that come in the form of a soda and a candy bar and I had already doled out money earlier in the week for them to pick 2 friends to send them to.)

"So I can send someone a valentine."  

I began to protest, but Sam continued.  "There is a boy in my class that I know that is already getting four valentine treats... FOUR! Who needs four, mom?!  But there is another boy in my class and I know he won't get any.  He doesn't have much money and I know his parents won't send him one like you are sending us one... I just... I just don't want him not to get one when someone else is getting four..."

Colby then came up behind Sam and said, "Sam asked me what he should do about it... I told him the only right thing to do was to send him one... even though we already sent our two."

 Then Sam sheepishly looked at me and said, "Mom?  Do you think I could take a Valentine box to him too?  I doubt he'll have one of those... and he hasn't been able to take his art project home yet because he doesn't have a good box to put it in."

"Sure... I'll see what I can do."

I did my best to fight back the tears as I located $2.00, a Valentine's day box that I had planned to send cookies in (a paper plate will do), and a sturdy little box that won't let a ceramic dog get crushed on its way home...
I have received the BEST Valentine's day gift...My boys have empathy... and the core of empathy is love.