My brothers, I think, have always helped me to define who I am...and as the years continue to pass, for some reason, it amazes me the type of relationship I hold with each and every one of them.
This post follows me spending the last day and a half with 2 of my 3 brothers~ and even though my third one wasn't here, he is still involved.
My older brother, Michael, was the one not here. My conversations with Michael increasingly grow stronger. I know this may sound strange when talking of a sibling, but Michael and I truly don't know one another as the current us. We know of small snippets of what might possibly be going on in the other person's life ~ the things that we have shared with one another, but other than that, we really don't know each other as the adults that we have grown and become. There is no fault being laid here, just facts...facts that I think we both realize need to be slowly changed. Ones we know can't and won't be changed overnight...and that's okay.
Tim (my brother right below me) has just left my house. It is always a hard day for me when Tim leaves. You see, Tim lives in Wisconsin and I normally get to see him 2-3 times a year. Tim and I have a connection~one that does not include judgement upon the other, just acceptance...something I think we were both seeking when we were younger. We both know that not-so-great things happen in your life, you deal with them, and you move on. This is especially(but painfully) true when it comes to the topic of love. Tim and I have had many a conversation of how things happen for a reason ~ a person comes or goes from your life...
My heart pains for Tim, sometimes, because I know how loving a person he is and how great of an uncle he is to my boys and I want him to have that~To have a family with children of his own! But, again, these are things that you deal with and move on. Don't get me wrong - I am NOT ruling these things out for my brother - I just feel the heartache as he waits patiently for it to happen.
Nick (my youngest brother) and I have always been close. When he was a baby, I used to carry him around and pretend that he was mine (I was 5 yrs old at the time :) As we grew older, I have still had that protective nature about me when it came to Nick. I never wanted to give a tainted view of myself when it came to him...I, guess, so he could always look up to me. But as time has started to pass this year and my life started to fall down around me, I couldn't hold those veils of perfection up anymore. Through this year, Nick has see more of the real me than ever before ~ BUT like any good family member does, Nick(even with looks of shock) has continued to share more of himself with me as well, allowing the pain of my perception of perfection to not hurt as badly. You see, perfection (in someone else's eyes) is not painful, but to fall from it, does.
It amazes me how 3 people you have known since birth, that you now don't see daily, can continue to be so completely influential on your life...and they may not even know it.
Brothers-of-mine...I love you all!
Surfing Sunday 08.20
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