Wednesday, March 27, 2013

I was caught counting the eggs

I am a firm believer in not counting my chickens before they hatch.
I normally never want to believe something good is going to happen just in case something could go wrong.
Normally.

But, you see, back in November my assistant superintendent came and asked me if I would be interested in a district tech position if they created it.  I was told that I was the only candidate that they were looking at... that no one else was even on their radar.

In January, I was told to be patient because this job was made for me and soon it would come to fruition.

In February, they finally posted the job and my principal and I made plans for all of the cool things we could do technology-wise in my building.

I interviewed on Monday.
Today... I found out that I didn't get the job.

I'm kinda numb.
I normally don't count my chickens before they hatch... but I was definitely caught counting the eggs...

Sunday, March 24, 2013

When reality slaps you in the face

I was driving down the road with Ty in my new car and the gas light came on.
I casually mentioned that I would need to stop soon for gas.
His response?? "Let's see how far we can make it before it runs out."

A memory hit me so hard, I wasn't sure I could respond.
I shook my head no and whispered, "Been there, done that."

Ty (of course, not knowing) laughs and says, "So? who hasn't ran out of gas before?"

So I got to relive the time that I was stranded an hour from home and even though I was headed to see Spencer, he wouldn't come rescue me.

You see... I am a resourceful gal.  I am not beyond hiking on foot.  But I was an hour from home... on a road that didn't show a town for miles on my GPS... and it was snowing.
My GPS did show a gas station a mile away... but how was I to know if it was actually STILL there OR open.
I tried calling TripleA but they didn't have anyone in the area that serviced on the weekends.
Spencer told me that he needed to take a nap and he definitely  didn't need to be on the road an extra 2 hours to come save me when he had 6 hours of driving ahead of him.

Thankfully my brother, Tim, who was in town for Christmas came and brought me gas.

Ty just stared at me and said, "Are you serious? Someone wouldn't come help you?"

And that's when it hit me... that I had no self-worth in that relationship with Spencer.  I would never allow Ty to treat me that way (not that he would), but to have someone not help you and then to continue on to go and visit them like nothing was wrong.

It made me fight back the tears and thank God now value myself so much more and expect it from the man in my life as well.

Monday, March 18, 2013

Time is neither friend nor enemy it's just a measurement.

My spring break felt like weeks and flew by all in one.

I didn't have my boys most of my spring break...It's hard to fill my days when everyone is at work and I have no motivation.

And that kind of sounds like I am complaining, but I'm not.

I had a wonderful, lay around and do nothing sort of break... and sometimes you need that.

I needed that.

I had a LOT of think time and by mid-week though, I had decided that my lemon of a car was just that and I no longer wanted to fight with the dealership in trying to get a transmission fixed that they didn't believe was broken.

So I went and traded it off.

Some of you are probably thinking, "So???"

But you see, I had my car before this one for 12 years. TWELVE years!! I seriously cried and took a picture of it before I left it in the dealer's lot.
It had become a part of me and I wasn't sure if I would ever be able to love a car as much as I had loved that one.  It was my first BRAND new car. I loved telling people how it was the showroom floor car and that it only had 24 miles on it when I bought it.  I was SO proud of it!!

My last car, I reluctantly bought.  I had done my research. I had saved some money up. I knew what I wanted, but I hate going into debt.  I didn't have a choice though.  My Cavalier was slowly dying.

I bought it on Black Friday (which my Sister-in-law now tells me is bad luck.) I thought I was happy with it until the fuse to the radio was burnt out.  Easy fix, but it gave me a bad feeling.  That bad feeling subsided as I begun to love different little features of my new car that my old car couldn't have even thought of.  I loved the hatchback and it was perfect for delivering cakes. It had a regular plug in (that the boys just loved!) that was used to recharge batteries, run DVD players, and anything else we could come up with.

But I didn't love that the motherboard went out in the first year, and the barrings - front and back - went out in the second, and the transmission just kept getting worse and worse.

So, as I lay around my house doing nothing, I decided I needed to be done with it.

I really fought myself because once I dedicate myself to something, I am FULLY in - whether it be a car or a relationship.

So, I went in and said my piece and walked away with this beauty.
I wouldn't say I love it yet... but it is growing on me... and given time, I might even cry over having to sell it one day.

Monday, March 11, 2013

To be idle is a short road to death and to be diligent is a way of life

I guess there is NO short road to death for me!!  ...and heaven knows, no one could accuse me of being idle lately.
My blog is obviously something that got put by the wayside.
I mean... seven posts in the month of January and February?? That's just down right pitiful, if you ask me.

There have been MANY a post that were written in my head that never made it to the keyboard.

They would have told you about frustrations of hoops that had to be jumped through that I don't believe are benefiting students of mine that need extra help.
They would have told you of proud moments... and sad ones... and ones that made me laugh out loud.

But I don't have the time... or the energy to produce those pieces that never got written down.  So just trust me.  The last few months have had it's ups and downs.

Let me just give you some of the highlights...

My cake decorating has taken off again.  I was asked to attach business cards to a coupon to have stuffed into bags for a local 5K.
No biggie, right??  Well... it is for a gal that didn't have business cards. (oops. - who KNEW I would need them?)
So, I ordered and they arrived one day before I was supposed to deliver them. (Thank the dear Lord!!)

Here are just a few cakes I have done lately...
A baby reveal cake

A baby shower cake

An air force going away party cake

Oh... and who could forget the 8 dozen of these beauties?

My children continue to make me the proudest Momma around ...Colby got selected for a Champion of Character award by my Alma mater.


and Sam got the Top Tiger award (character award) at his school.

You would think that them getting character awards every year would get old... but trust me, it doesn't!!  It reminds me that in this crazy world, I'm doing something right.  I thank the good Lord every day for well behaved children (and the resistance to not OVER correct when they do something that others would find minuscule.)

My friend, Kelly, got diagnosed with stage 4 Hodgkin's lymphoma cancer in January. I know this is scary for anyone who gets news like this about their friends... but I just can't wrap my head around it.  She's too young  ...and too beautiful ...and, honestly, too healthy to have cancer.  I haven't seen her in person since her chemo has started.  I plan to do that this week. I told her I was going to come rub her beautiful bald head... and I will... because I know it will make her laugh... but as I do, I know I will be fighting back tears and be repeating silent prayers that my friend won't be taken from this world too soon.
Kel getting a round of chemo rocking her new short hair cut

If a friend with cancer isn't stressful enough, I have also applied for a new position in my school district. It is a district technology job.  I struggle internally daily.  I worry that I will miss the classroom and the kiddos.  I have basically been told that the job is mine... so why am I so nervous to count my chickens before they hatch?  Anytime any of my friends ask me about it, I downgrade myself and say that I'm not sure it will go my way.  Guess I don't want to get my hopes up in case the unexpectant happens??  I have the full support of my principal and everyone around me... and still I have a pit in my stomach.

In my classroom, my little RW has fallen of the behavior wagon AGAIN.  She has been naughty for everyone EXCEPT me. Which sounds great and all... except that it is for things that are getting her put into in-school suspension and out of my classroom.  Who knew I would want that child inside my classroom instead of out?

Ty and I continue to date.  The topic of marriage has not come up between us lately, but for some reason, it is on everyone else's  brain.  I filter questions about marriage almost daily.
It's exhausting really.  Because again, it is an area that I don't have answers to.  Sure, ideally, I would like to get married again, but then there is that self-reliant part of me that doesn't want to get hurt again and knows that keeping that little bit of distance is good for my own self preservation.

I continue to have AMAZING people be part of my life.  Ones the look out for me even when I don't have time to look out for myself.  I love that God sends people like that into your life.  I have a friend that called me up and asked what I had done for myself lately.  When I couldn't answer, they showed up the next day with a little gift for me... I shook my head and tried to tell them I couldn't accept it.  Of course, no was not an option.  I promised them that I would pay their kindness forward to someone else I saw not taking time for themselves... Funny how I already know I will do that, but wasn't willing to take the time to do it for me.

So there you have it.
MANY reasons I have't sat down to blog.
Also the same reasons I should be blogging.