Who knew circles could be so scary?

So I went to get my diagnostic mammogram today...
I've prayed... SO many prayers...  Many of them just for comfort.
I have cried every day since last Wednesday.
I have seen how horrible cancer is to families... to moms with young kids...

I decided that after telling Todd and R. and seeing their reactions that I needed to limit the worry, so the only other person I told was my principal... and only out of necessity.

When the tech brought me into the exam room, she showed me my scans.
There they were... circles...
Six circles on each breast.
SIX! On. EACH. one!

She described how these were the areas of concern and that she would be taking multiple scans and if the doctor didn't get all of the answers she wanted, she would come and take more scans.

By the last few scans, I was placing myself into the machine.  The tech joked, "What you think you're a pro now?"
I smiled and said, "Just a fast learner."
I already knew this wasn't something I wanted to be good at...

After she was done, she sent me back to the waiting room.
Waiting sucks.
There were probably 4 or 5 other women waiting too.
No one made eye contact.
Eye contact is intimate. Eye contact can reveal things.
As we all sat in our hospital gowns...This was not a place for eye contact.

Finally they called my name.
The doctor shook my hand.
She said, "You had lots of areas of concern.  Have you had any areas of tenderness on your breasts lately?

You know those times when your brain is lagging behind and it takes a while for you to process what someone is saying to you??
That was me.
I think I was mentally preparing myself not to lose it... Then she was asking me a question.
All I could do was shake my head no.

"Good.  I was hoping not." She said. "I have examined your scans extensively and despite how hard I looked, I couldn't find anything."

Again, it took me a minute.

"So I'm good?"

"Yep." she said smiling. "These are the kind of meetings I like to have."

For all the stress I've been through lately, I think I would like to forgo all meetings... Esp. ones with circles.

God has a way of putting things in perspective

On Tuesday, I came home and bawled my eyes out.
I felt like the year I was planning for next school year had been ripped out from under me.

Then on Thursday, my son, Sam, got hit by a baseball while he was up to bat. The injury caused a 4 cm tear in  his spleen.
He has spent the last several days in the hospital being monitored... while I (along with many of our family, friends, neighbors, colleagues, teammates, classmates, etc.) prayed.... and prayed ... and prayed some more.

You see... Other things in the world don't seem to matter when the words "Bleeding internally" are thrown into your vocabulary.

So... Sleep deprived that I am, I want to you all know that I do know the little things (like job assignments) don't matter... and the big things (like the well-being of your children) do.


...Hug the ones that are close to you a little tighter tonight; for you never know what tomorrow will bring.

My body is attacking me

My fall-time allergies have arrived with a vengeance.

Two days ago, the right side of my face gave up on allowing any of type air circulation to occur... while at the same time, turning that same nostril into a leaky faucet that will drip at will.

My ears hurt and I feel like a teething toddler as I pull on them and attempt not to whine.

Today, my right eye decided to join in on the fun and turned a lovely shade of up-all-night-blood-shot red.

My voice is scruffy at best and I have a dry cough to accompany it. (But at least all the coughing is adding in strong stomach muscles, right?)

I can't take in a full breath as it feels as if someone is standing on my chest.

... I'm not complaining.  I'm just saying that when you see me slack-jawed, being a mouth breather, glassy-eyed, and I ask you to repeat yourself  for a third time as I blow my nose... I'm doing the best I can until the ragweed either gets burnt up by the sun or buried under snow... whichever comes first.

We'll leave the light on for you... or maybe not

#422 Things they didn't tell you before becoming a mom - You will have to find cheaper insurance because the other is breaking the bank.

#423 Things they didn't tell you before becoming a mom - You will pick the insurance that is called "The Well Child" insurance because overall your children are fairly healthy... that and because it would save you the most money. (The catch though is you only have 3 covered doctor's visits.)

#424 Things they didn't tell you before becoming a mom - Your child will get things that will completely gross you out... and could infect the whole family - i.e. pinworms.

#425 Things they didn't tell you before becoming a mom - You will go to the doctor saying you have been infected to save from using one of your son's three visits because you know the doctor will treat the whole family.
...and on that said visit you check into the doctor's office at 4:15.
You are sent into a room at about 4:45.
You wait patiently until 5:25.
Then you decide to check on how MUCH longer...

...except when you walk out... all of the lights are out...
...except for one room across the hall where the door is slightly open and conversation is going on...
You start to walk to the room when a nurse sees you, jumps up, and rushes to the door.
She pulls the door closed behind her and says, "The doctor will be with you shortly." and directs you back into your room.

Only what the nurse doesn't know is YOUR mom was a nurse... and in that split second... you saw the WHOLE staff getting their nightly debriefing.
...which tells you, you were forgotten about.

Yeah... being a mom isn't always easy.

You can't take it with you when you die

I feel like I work and I work in hopes to get ahead just a little financially... a cushion if you will.
(For all of you that are like, "Whh-wh-wait. It's summer. You're not working!! - boy howdy are you wrong!!)
I taught summer school and have been busy with cakes.
Here's my latest for a Tangled themed birthday.

So about 2 weeks ago... I'm sitting, smiling, dreaming of all the wonderful things I would be doing with the nice little cushion I was creating.

Last week I went to the dentist for a crown.
Boom!
Root canal... and then I still needed the crown.
Ugh.
Go back today for another crown.
Boom! Boom!
Another root canal and 2 crowns.

So that cushion... the one that I thought I might enjoy on a new school wardrobe.
Yeah... The dentist is getting one instead.
:(

Chicken soup for the... soul??

I have been SOO sick.

I am a teacher. 
I get exposed to multiple germs on a daily basis.
My body knows how to fight them off.
So if I get sick, you know it's a whopper of nastiness!

I'm guessing what I had was the flu.
I hurt so bad I couldn't move.
I ran around a 102 fever for days.
One minute I felt like I was freezing to death, the next I would be sweating profusely.

The worst part... I was alone.

Sure,  I don't want people around me when I am sick.
I don't want to infect others with the misery that I am experiencing.
But I had forgotten... I had forgotten how nice it was to have someone take care of you when you can't take care of yourself.

I wanted chicken noodle soup.
Not the out-of-the-can kind, but the homemade make-you-feel-better kind.
I got everything out and on the stove to cook.
That took ALL the energy I had.
I ended up taking a nap from cooking soup!!!
Seriously.

Most days I feel like I do an okay job on my own.
Obviously I haven't found the "right" guy for me yet.
But I think when I do find one, he will need to know how to make a good chicken noodle soup.

Four more days - Post-It Note Tuesday



Sick in the head ~Post-it Note Tuesday

Just what the doctor ordered

Last night
I had my new guy, E., and his daughter over to my house for dinner with my boys and me. It was the first time that all five of us were together. I couldn't have imagined it better!

Dinner went without a hitch (even though I was late getting it started.)
E's daughter knows my boys from school and from their little league ball games so they played really well together.

Surprisingly, Sam warmed up quickly. I mean, like talking to E within 15 minutes of him arriving! This is a monumental thing! For those of you that don't know my son, he doesn't grace everyone with the presence of his speech. If he doesn't know you (or doesn't want to get to know you), he won't talk to you. It doesn't matter if you directly ask him a question, he just hides his face or turns away (or just down right IGNORES you). So I was tickled pink by the fact that E asked who was winning the game they were all playing, and Sam turned and answered.

After supper, we all played kick ball together. When the heat got to us (and we decided that may not have been the smartest idea right after eating), we headed back inside. The kiddos played tag and E & I sat and talked and enjoyed our time together.

When they left, I was on cloud 9.

today
I had my yearly check up and physical today.
Let me just tell you how much I hate loathe could do without those.
(I have been known to skip them in the past... Now, now, don't get all preachy on me about it!! My RL friends do a fine job of that.)
My purpose of actually making my yearly appointment this time around was because of my hearing. I had started to notice that when there was a lot of background noise, I had a hard time always hearing the conversation in front of me.

First of all, let me say that I am only going to be 35 this year!
Second of all, I have always had excellent hearing!
So, needless to say, I was more than a little freaked out!!

So, I mention it to my doc.
She looks in my ears.
Right~okey dokey!
Left~"It's got a little wax, let's flush it." she says.

After flushing my ear (and yes, it does feel like the worst case of swimmer's ear you can imagine!), doc checked again.

"Hmmmm... I still see some wax. Let me see if I can get it with these tweezers, if not, we will flush it again."

OMG!!!!
I don't know what shocked me more... the pain or seeing the amount of wax that came out!! Seriously, it was almost the size of a marble!

Doc said, "I bet you'll be able to hear better now!"

I was appreciative and wanted to take her down (due to the pain she had inflicted upon me) all in one.
I decided it was best to tell her "That REALLY hurt! But thanks!"


So... I guess, I the weekend can come now... I'm mentally and physically well!

Sharin' the... love????

Can I tell you how grossed out I am right now??


My ex just called to say he has scabies.
...and since we share custody with our boys, he could potientially share them with me!

I don't know if it is all children that get these things, but I have just about had my fill!!!

In the past 3 years, we have dealt with pinworms, Molluscum Contagiosum, and now scabies.

BLECH!!!

Yes, I am taking today to sanitize my house ...just in case.

Trust me... I'm a dentist

Okay... I can honestly say going to the dentist is not my favorite thing to do. It doesn't even come to a close second... or five hundredth.

See... as a kid I had a horrible dentist!
He would numb me... but not wait until I was numb... and then he would start drilling.

Ugggghhhh! The sound of a drill is like finger nails down a chalkboard to me. It shakes me to the core!

So, here is my childhood masochist dentist drilling away, while the whole time I'm writhing in pain.

And what could I do?
I mean, he would have his hands all up in my mouth!

So, I would do the only thing I knew to do. I would moan and twist my eyebrows and forehead into a topographical map of pain.

He would look at me and laugh and say "Now... what is that all about? That doesn't hurt, does it?"
"Uh huh." I would mumble.
"No, it doesn't!" he would snort as he would teasingly elbow me.

When I went to college, I found a dentist that that understood my previous dentist horrors. He was gentle and doubly numbed me so I would for sure not feel any pain. I had that dentist till last year.
I had to move on as my insurance had changed. Actually, I went to him a full year after my insurance changed because I couldn't bare the thought of having another horrible dentist. But the growing cost of dental work did not justify my fears.

I had to get all of my old fillings replaced today.(Hence the reason for having to find someone in-network)
I had came and met this dentist before-hand. I had him fill my boys' cavities (Yes, I made my babies his guinea pigs. - He did a wonderful job with them.)

As I sat in the dentist chair, I did my best to keep calm. I took deep breaths.
The dentist sat down beside me and said, "These don't look like they will be too difficult. Do you want to try and go ahead without being numbed?

"Absolutely NOT!"

"Alrighty then... I guess we will numb you up." he replied.

"Make it a double!"

He laughed. "Don't worry you won't feel a thing!"

The feeling in my mouth is just now coming back around... 5 hours later... I think I like this guy!



“Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.” ~Johnny Carson

Bumpity, bump, bumps

We took Sam back to the dermatologist on Thursday. I'm SOOOO glad I went this time! I was able to ask questions and get info, I just didn't feel comfortable getting second-hand.

I got the actual name of his condition, which is Molluscum Contagiosum, and after much research feel sooooo much better about my little boy's condition. I know know that it is not uncommon at all. In fact, I guess, most of us have been exposed to it somewhere in our childhoods, which is why Colby, my other son, is susceptible to catching it and I am not.
It is passed on through skin-to-skin contact. So the boys can not take baths together any more, or wrestle around with shirts off ~you know things that brothers do.

The dermatologist also explained that you could think of each bump like a pimple or chicken pox~ it has a head to it and once that head is removed then the sore can heal. The problem is getting the head removed before it spreads to make a new head.

Sam's bumps have started to spread up under his armpit and onto his back.

Now that I have a better understanding of this virus, I don't feel so bad about treating it. I realize that we have to be proactive and aggressive to get rid of it. We are applying the medicine only to the bump heads themselves and this is keeping the area of soreness down to a minimum. The Dermatologist also said it would be okay to limit Sam's dosage to every other day, which made me very happy.

Thanks to all the thoughts and prayers everyone has been sending...just want my son well!

Rash decision

My son, Sam, has had these raised bumps on his belly for months.

We had taken him to our family doctor several times and she didn't seem to know what it was. In January, we took him to a dermatologist. The dermatologist seemed kind of concerned with the fact that we had waited so long to get them checked out (which we hadn't). She said that it could take up to a year to completely heal him of them. I don't know what she called it, but she prescribed him a cream that without my insurance would have been $600 (Yikes!), but with it, it was just $35. The cream basically burned off the bumps and made bleeding open sores on him.

I have had mixed feelings on putting the cream on him, because it is causing him such pain. His skin is now starting to be blotchy around those areas. I am afraid it might be an allergic reaction to the cream. So we have set up a new dermatologist appointment at the beginning of April (earliest we could get it).
It is a confusing situation to me as I want Sam well, but I don't want to make him sick in order to get him well.

Sickness is NOT for sharing

***Disclaimer - If you date me...chances are - eventually - you'll make my blog. LOL***

For those of you that don't know, I was sick with strep for the majority of the week last week. I had been out on a couple of dates with this guy (B.) the week prior to me getting strep. (Now. Now. Step back. I know what you're thinking and No. I did NOT get it from him!)

But we were supposed to go out last Tuesday and because of my illness, I had to call and cancel. B. didn't take the news so well. I'm not sure if he thought I was trying to blow him off or what. But he showed up to my house with a dozen roses and blueberries. (Now all you romantics out there, this is where you say, "Aaaahhhh.") Don't get me wrong I am normally ALL about the romantic stuff, but when I am nasty sick, I don't want anyone around me! Yet, somehow B. didn't get this. He wanted to keep me company. I wanted to sleep. I even, at one point, did actually fall asleep - not because I was trying to give hints, but because I was so achy and out of it, that I fell asleep. Still, he lingered around. Finally, I told him that I really needed to send him on his way. Once we were at the door, he leaned in for a kiss. I stopped him. "I'm sick, remember? I don't want to get you sick too" "I'll take my chances. " he said. So he kissed me.

We rescheduled our date for yesterday (Saturday). I drove up to Springfield to meet him. He wasn't at the restaurant when I arrived, so I texted him. He said he was on his way. Twenty minutes later, he showed up. He looked like death warmed over - He was SOOOO sick.
"Why did you not just call and cancel?" I asked.
"I'm not going to cancel a date just because I am sick." he said.
(Besides not wanting to be around others when I am sick, I really have NO desire to be around others when they are sick!!!)
All I could tell him was, "Well, don't think I'm going to kiss you ~ I have no desire to be sick again!"