Saturday, January 23, 2010

don't take this wrong

Let me just tell you when someone says to you, "Don't take this wrong..." It will never be a positive statement that follows.

This weekend I insisted that Spencer spend it with his children and his children alone. Even though I have never tried to make it a competition between them and me, it is.

Two weekends ago, I went down to see him. We decided that we weren't going to go do anything big, just stay in and play board games and cards with the kids. But when I won the first round, (I'm sorry but I don't throw games for my 4 and 6 year old and I am definitely not throwing them for a 12 year old!) his son was done. I'm guessing, his son felt like the focus was off him and on me.

So this weekend, he was home and had his kids. They didn't stay home. They went to the movies, to one of Spencer's friend's houses to let the kids play, and then out skating with another friend and her kids.

So...tonight when he told me, "Don't take this wrong... but it was a really good weekend without you here." It took all of me to not say, "Bite me!"

But I didn't. I looked at the big picture. I thought, what's wrong with our relationship if it was better without me there?

And the answer is... that he has to decide how to split his attention~me or his kids? I wish I could say that there is no right answer, but there should always be his kids.

Which brings up SO many other questions... like where is the happy median between me and his kids? What do we need to do so can we move forward now that we have addressed the elephant in the room? Is there a true future in our relationship?

Remember when dating was easy??

...oh, wait...I don't! Guess I just thought it sounded like the thing to say.


  1. I don't know if i have a complete answer, but I went through this as a kid. The first thing you guys need to do is come to an agreement that you together are in control of the situation when the family is together. He needs to agree to back you up on things as well as you backing him up. Without that, there is nothing. A 12 yr old acting like a brat because he didn't win a game is ridiculous. Typical, but still ridiculous. If it was a big deal, did your guy back you up, or did he cave into his son. That's what I'd want to know.

    It's hard. I'm 38 now, and when I was 10 my dad remarried.I hated her. I had no reason, but I just did. Now I love her as much as him. I just needed to grow up. Is this helpful at all?? I truly wish you well. Sorry, I'm kind of tired and probably babbling. Like your blog a lot by the way! Amy

  2. Whenever someone says "Don't take this the wrong way", it's never good!

    ...stopping by from SITS...

    Steph @ A Grande Life

  3. Don't take this wrong, but, you DID write that you insisted that he spend the weekend without you. Is it possible that what he meant was "thank you for making me do this. it was good to have time with the kids?" I am guessing that you spent a large part of the weekend missing him, and in turn, wanted him to tell you how much he missed you. (which, I'm sure he did, even if it wasn't the first thing out of his mouth.) Just my $.02.

  4. Man, what a hard situation. And I think has a good point. I think that together you could come up with things. I hope that you can find your way through it all

    Stopping by from SITS


I LOVE to hear what your thoughts are on my leave me a comment. Tell me what's on your mind!