Sunday, January 3, 2010

left hanging

so I left Spencer around 3:30 yesterday
things had NOT gone smoothly before we left Texas

it was a miscommunication as to when we should leave
when I finally voiced mine, he got pissed off

we rode the first hour and a half in silence
after that, it was conversation I initiated

I left him with him kissing me & telling me to get to my boys
I thought we were fine

5 phone calls & 7 texts later, I was worried
no response.

I asked to please just verify that he had made it safely home
he had.
then nothing

this morning he was on facebook
I IM'ed him

I asked what was going on
he said that he was depressed & needed to be alone for a while

I told him I wasn't raised to shut out the ones you loved
"ok" was his only response

I told him to tell me if I shouldn't call or text
because then I wouldn't have to wonder

he told me not to call or text

he said he'd be fine in a few days
but will I?
in my eyes, this is the ultimate rejection

I asked him if this was him ending it?
he said no
it is NOT

but I question and wonder
Should I?

He might be the one who is depressed,
but I am the one having to deal with the pain

the pain of not being allowed to help someone you love

is it worth the pain?

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