Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Losing the battle

I know I have been depressed lately.
I don't sleep.
I overeat.
...or forget to eat at all.

I have attested it to not "having" someone... but really it is because of my job.
Saying that I am having a rough year would be an understatement.

I've had rough years before, but not like this.
...and I'm one of those people that my job means everything to me!
and because it isn't going right, nor is anything else.

I have a student who threw a wrench into my normal classroom management... He is oppositional defiant...and now I can't seem to get back on track... and I'm flailing.

I got my yearly evaluation done this week.
This is something I normally breeze through and don't think twice about.
This year, I was stressed about it.
I even "practiced" ahead of time...I can't tell you the last time I "practiced" a lesson before I taught it.
Teaching is just second nature to me.

It went horribly.
My principal even came and told me she wanted me to have a "do-over."
She told me that she has seen me in action before and this was not the teacher she knew.

I have never regretted my decision to become a teacher.
I have never wanted to wash my hands and walk away.
... but this year, I do.

I don't know how to move forward when I have no desire to come to school... because I'm exhausted by noon and everything takes twice the effort.
My students aren't getting the best of me.

This is a sad fact for me to admit because I love the kids.
This is a sad fact because I have been at this for ten years now, you'd think I would know how to pull through this.
But I don't.

...I just don't know where to go from here...

2 comments:

  1. Hi Dawn,

    You have my sincere sympathies, I know how hard it can be to pull yourself out of a 'funk'. I also know that I am virtually a stranger to you but if you want to talk you can email me puckpixie3@yahho.co.uk, I won't be offended if you don't.

    Hope things perk up for you soon, you know in your heart that you do a fantastic job at teaching.

    Natasha

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  2. I am sorry it is such a bad year for you. I know there are some groups that get the best of us and some that don't. And it sounds like you are drained before the day even begins. What sort of support are you getting from administration? If that one student is such a detriment to the class structure you should not be dealing with it alone.

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