Tuesday, October 12, 2010

30 Days of Truth: Day Twelve: Shadows

Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.

I don't like to think about this. It has taken me so many years to view myself in a positive manner.

When I was just 7 or 8 I had a boy tell me, "You will never have a boyfriend because you have no butt."

He was right. I didn't. But those hurtful words haunted me for years.

All throughout middle school and high school, I longed to have a boyfriend. There were guys I liked, and was crushed when they told me (as a friend) the girl that they thought was cute. It wasn't ever me.

At the time, I was very quiet. Reserved. I was so unsure of myself. I wasn't raised with how to flirt or act around boys if you liked them. All I knew was how to act around my brothers and all my male cousins and the neighborhood boys. So, if I liked a boy, I got flustered and even more quiet.

Some of my best friends in HS and college were guys... because I knew how to just hang. In other words, I wasn't all flirty like all the other girls ...because remember, I didn't know how.

My ex, R. treated me like one of the guys. I knew that scenario - friends. Then we weren't just friends anymore... and I liked it.

Still, even after dating and getting married, I didn't view myself as an attractive drop dead hottie. I was just me. I didn't get it when R.'s HS baseball boys would catcall me from the field. In my head, I was just a lowly butt-less girl that had been lucky enough to find a guy that liked her for her.

It truly wasn't until after my divorce and being thrown back out into the dating world did I learn that I had sex appeal ...and more so, self confidence to not be embarrassed by the fact that I am attractive woman that men want to get to know for more than just friendship.

I'm still trying to balance it all.
Sex appeal has it's price too.
But this butt-less girl is using it to her FULL advantage!

More to come...
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

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