Tuesday, August 11, 2009

a reason for letting it go

I had a dream the other night that my ex's new girlfriend was at a party at "my" house (in my dream it was mine). She followed me inside for me to get her some fruit salad. I specifically picked the pieces of fruit out that I wanted her to have. I place the plate in front of her. As I came around the corner from the kitchen, she hopped up from the bar stool where she was sitting and threw her arms around me in a big hug. My arms were pinned to my sides...there was nothing I could do! As she hugged me, she said, "I knew we'd be friends one day."

Today (in real life) my ex's girlfriend brought me my boys. My ex had other things that he was doing and she was coming my direction. She has never been involved in the swap offs.

(This is mainly because of the strong hatred that I had for her...and I did not hide it from him(my ex). I have never had such hatred... when I saw her or heard her name, I saw red. This hatred spawned from knowing that the man who had once vowed to spend the rest of his life loving and taking care of me...told me he didn't love me any longer...and now had love for another. It angered me that he could move on...that our life together seemed like dust in the wind, ever present, but rarely seen.)

So... my ex's girlfriend was concerned (rightly so) when she was given this responsibility of bringing the boys to me.

When she helped them out of her car, she did it with care. She told them to be good. She told them that she would see them tomorrow.

I took their hands in mine...and turned.
...and then turned back and thanked her for bringing them to me.

For when my children think of me, I want them to think of me showing grace and respect... not a seething red faced monster.

...but I don't think there will be any hugging going on anytime soon.


  1. I think you're pretty awesome. That couldn't have been easy.

  2. Well done, well done. Not for her, but for them.

  3. Wow, good for you. I am not sure I would have had the control.

  4. Eek. I've been through this on the other side. As the ex-husband's girlfriend. Or rather, the ex-husband's new wife. And the ex-wife was NOT that nice, but she said it was because she was mad at my husband for not picking up his son himself. Lamely, I said, "well, he had a meeting scheduled late." She makes me so nervous!

    I am glad you had such control because it can be very difficult being the second wife (or girlfriend) and stepmom. Obviously, your role is not easy either. Especially since it sounds like your ex left you for this other woman. And this is definitely not the case in my situation. I didn't meet my husband until after he was divorced.

    No matter how you look at it, it's difficult and painful and awkward. Especially in the beginning. But it hasn't gotten much better over here. We have my stepson's birthday party next weekend. Save me...

  5. I am so glad you handled the situation with grace. Your husband should not have had her do it.

  6. You are a much bigger woman than I am!
    Yes, I would TRY. With every fiber of my being... but, I am sure I would not be so consistent. :P

    It's such a crappy situation when lil chitlins are involved. Poor kids. You do everything in your power to make sure they know it isn't THEIR fault. You do everything in your power to make sure that you don't speak ill of their absent parent.

    Soooo hard. Especially, when all you want to do whenever you hear their name is throw up inside your mouth.

  7. cheers to you for being the mama your babies need you to be. what a good example you are setting! be proud of yourself!

    happy SITS day!

  8. Good Job! May we all have the same grace and control.

  9. wow, that was grace and control! I'm impressed. Logically you know it's not her fault, but probably his, but God it would be hard not to HATE her.

  10. Or fruit salad, either! We often take it out on the "other woman" but really? It was HIS choice at all times. She couldn't have him if he didn't make himself available - it's on him. You did such an amazing job there that day, showing your kids grace under fire. Phew. It does get better, really - truly! Trust me!

  11. Very gracefully done :) Acting angry will never get you anywhere. You should be proud of yourself!

  12. I admire how you handled that. It's difficult to act ugly toward someone who is kind to your children.

  13. now, that's grace. it takes a bigger person to take the high road, despite the visions in red..

    happy SITS day :)

  14. Oh, sister. I understand the rage. My husband has a lady friend, and we're not even divorced yet. Needless to say, she has played a major role in the unraveling of our happily-ever-after.

    Props to you for putting your boys first, you inspire me!

  15. This was a really moving post. It must have been such a difficult time. I admire your strength.


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