a reason for letting it go

I had a dream the other night that my ex's new girlfriend was at a party at "my" house (in my dream it was mine). She followed me inside for me to get her some fruit salad. I specifically picked the pieces of fruit out that I wanted her to have. I place the plate in front of her. As I came around the corner from the kitchen, she hopped up from the bar stool where she was sitting and threw her arms around me in a big hug. My arms were pinned to my sides...there was nothing I could do! As she hugged me, she said, "I knew we'd be friends one day."



Today (in real life) my ex's girlfriend brought me my boys. My ex had other things that he was doing and she was coming my direction. She has never been involved in the swap offs.

(This is mainly because of the strong hatred that I had for her...and I did not hide it from him(my ex). I have never had such hatred... when I saw her or heard her name, I saw red. This hatred spawned from knowing that the man who had once vowed to spend the rest of his life loving and taking care of me...told me he didn't love me any longer...and now had love for another. It angered me that he could move on...that our life together seemed like dust in the wind, ever present, but rarely seen.)

So... my ex's girlfriend was concerned (rightly so) when she was given this responsibility of bringing the boys to me.

When she helped them out of her car, she did it with care. She told them to be good. She told them that she would see them tomorrow.

I took their hands in mine...and turned.
...and then turned back and thanked her for bringing them to me.

For when my children think of me, I want them to think of me showing grace and respect... not a seething red faced monster.

...but I don't think there will be any hugging going on anytime soon.