Tuesday, February 2, 2010

What is normal?

As a kid, I used to think I knew what normal was.

A normal family had a mom and a dad.

Mine had a mom, 3 brothers, and a grandma... and lots of aunts and uncles and cousins who lived near by. I knew I was loved...but we weren't by any means normal. Mine also included a dad who had a mental illness. A dad who had been abusive to my mom and we had to protect her from. A dad I didn't talk about to my friends.

A normal kid sometimes has dreams....some good, some bad.

I didn't dream as a kid. I slept so deeply my mom couldn't wake me up. I wet the bed almost nightly. I was finally broken of this habit because my mom bought this device that sensed moisture and a buzzer went off when it detected any. The first time I was awoken by this device the voices of my parents screaming was so loud in my head; I kept yelling, "Make it stop. Make it stop!" My mom thought I was talking about the device. She kept reassuring me that it was off. I refused to have it on my bed after that night. I never peed the bed again. To this day I am a very light sleeper....and I am completely fascinated with the dreams that I have.

A normal twenty-something spreads their wings and tries new things.

I was afraid. Afraid of everything. Especially being alone. My mom was killed in a car wreck. My fiance called off our engagement and moved out of our apartment. I did nothing but cry. Nothing could make my mom come back, but I worked and I worked until R. said our engagement was back on.

A normal marriage is full of love and hope and dreams.

Mine was crushed with infidelity. It has made me untrusting of every man. It has made me bitter, and mad, and jealous and even though I would LOVE to have a normal marriage some day...I'm not sure it is possible any more.

Now I am out there dating again. I wish I could say it was normal...but it's not.

It is long-distance... attempting to mesh two families... and sometimes I'm not sure where it is headed.

Sometimes I just wish for a normal life...but I'm not sure I know what normal is anymore.


  1. Normal is an ideal that often crushes the brights spots of life.

    You have a strong, vibrant lifestory that has made you sensitive to the needs of people around you. Don't let dreams of something that doesn't even exist water you down.

  2. Sweetie, I am so sorry about your Mom and your sad memories. I don't know what to say in a time of uncertainty for you, but please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Also? Close the gaping hole that your mouth has become. I can be nice. Sometimes. Rarely. I have a reputation to keep up. Kidds. Love to you xoxo

  3. I have started to think that there really isn't normal.

    Found your site on SITS and I just popped over.


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