So... The Professor and I were exchanging stories of how our love lives had gotten us to where we are today.
I shared with him how in HS and in college I was always great friends with guys... but none of the guys wanted to date me.
This is when he stopped me and started to laugh.
"What?" I asked.
...and this is when The Professor let me in on a little male secret.
Guys (at least of the teenage/early 20's) don't hang out with girls unless they want to date her.
Looking back, that little tidbit would have SO boosted my self esteem!
I mean, back in the day, I just couldn't understand how I could be friends with all these guys and none of them wanted to have anything to do with me dating-wise.
This would be why, when I was a Junior in HS, I dated a Sophomore in college. Because I at least knew he didn't view me as a "friend". I ended up breaking up with him because his best friend also wanted to date me and I didn't want to be in the middle... that and they were 2 hours away.
Again though, I still felt like all guys viewed me as their friend.
In college, until the middle of my Sophomore year when I met R (my ex), I hung out with three guys. Two out of the three I pined over.... but, of course, I never told them because I didn't want to lose their friendship.
I couldn't understand how they could be some of my best friends, but we would never date. I mean we talked about everything!! Crazy... because at the time I know I would have never talked about those things with just any guy. But I also know... had I known that any of them had wanted to date me, I know I wouldn't have shared those things with them.
Here is where The Professor told me had I made that move... I probably would have dated one of them... that guys that age don't know how to let girls know they like them... so instead they "hang out" with them because it is better to be around them and not date them, than to not be around them and not date them.
Looking back, had I known that little tidbit, I think I would have missed out on a lot of awesome times with awesome guy friends that allowed me to be me.
Going back, I don't think I would want to be let in on that little bit of knowledge.
Sure... It would have drastically built up my self-esteem, but going from the "ugly duckling" to the "swan" since my divorce has allowed me to see all sides of my relationships now.
...and that bit of knowledge couldn't have made me grow to the full extent that I have grown learning it all on my own.
That... and I wouldn't still be friends with those three guys like I am today...and that is not worth going back!
Surfing Sunday 02.18
4 days ago