I thought my post 2 days ago would help. It didn't though. I thought posting those post-it would send the message that I won't say verbally. It didn't though.
But now looking inwardly, I don't really care.
I don't care who reads my blog...because I don't change who I am in real life versus what I write on here. Both places I'm just me. I just like my privacy sometime... but then again, I know posting something out on the World Wide Web is not, nor will it ever be, private.
The thing is... I write here because it is cathartic... emotionally purging, if you will. It is like a best friend that I am coming to bitch to... and to share joy with. (Don't get me wrong... I have a best friend IRL, she's great in fact... but this, this is different.)
Here I can tell you that it has been a good week and a rough week all in one.
It's been a good one because lovely Mr. Winter decided to pay my (and mostly every other) part of the country with a visit of snow... just enough to call off school for 2 days.
Just enough time to sleep in ...and do nothing after a long and busy weekend.
Just enough time to catch up on all (yes, I said all!!!) of my grading. (Some of you out there that aren't teachers may not know the significance of this feat... but let me tell you... it is HUGE!!!!)
Also, my kiddos at school have made a turn... or maybe I have made a turn... I don't know... but what I do know is that I am actually being able to teach! And I am getting random hugs from my trouble makers. Like a light bulb has gone on and they are trying to make up for the hell that they have put me through the last 5 months.
I'm just saying... it's nice. I'm afraid by saying it though that I have jinxed myself.... so I am mentally crossing my fingers as I type this.
It's been rough week in the sense that I really haven't talked to The Professor. It's hard for me to say where we are in our relationship. The whole love conversation happened again Sunday night while I was overly tired and PMSing and it wasn't by any means a lovely and/or fun conversation for me. Monday night we had a good conversation, but nothing like the 4 hour conversations we had in the beginning. Also, I am realizing that there is so much that I don't know about him. These are all things that I know are normal at the beginning of a relationship... when you get past the sunshine and daisies part of it... and the "real" of it all starts to spill out. But I don't like it. I don't like not knowing what's to come.
So here I am. Happy ...and frustrated ...and content ...and confused ...all rolled up onto one.
“The truth is rarely pure and never simple.” ~Oscar Wilde
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