Thursday, June 10, 2010

Home Alone

I don't know why it bothered me so much.
It is R.'s night to have them...

When Sam told me after the baseball picnic that he wanted to come home with me tonight, it made my heart smile.
I joyously walked with him to my car and helped him in.
Then he says to me, "Mom, tomorrow night I'm spending the night at dad's house?"
"No, sweetheart, your dad has to work."
"Never mind, Mom, I'm going with dad."

Again... it shouldn't have bothered me.
I just hate being home alone.
Back when I was dating Spencer (even though we weren't in the same town), I talked to him nightly for hours. So, I never felt alone.

My friends are great. They tell me to call when I feel like this. The thing is I have an emptiness, a void, that isn't filled by just friendship.

Everyone keeps telling to stop looking... that when I finally stop looking is when someone will come along.
But how do I get to the point of not wanting to look, when the desire to have someone to be with and to share my life is so strong?

4 comments:

  1. I got so tired of people telling me not to look and then I would find someone. Well truth be told it worked for me. I really just got to the point where I excepted being alone and was okay with it. Once I did that I found the guy that I am with now and I couldn't be happier.

    It is hard to do but I now believe that when you aren't looking you will find someone.

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  2. I don't think it's just the "stop looking" part... I think what it means is being happy and complete on your own. After that, anyone else who comes into your life will just be a blessing, not a necessity.

    I hope you find lots of happiness, in whatever form. :)

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  3. I would echo the sentiments of Gringationcancun. I think the key is to do those things that make you happy and complete without a significant other.

    I am alone 90 percent of the time now that two of my three children have moved out after completing college and my youngest who lives at home is either working or with friends.

    After almost eight years of being separated and divorced, I finally had my first long term relationship starting a little more than a year and a half ago. Sadly as of two months ago, we are no longer together.

    I really utilize my time making myself stronger, more independent and happier. After a lay off (yes 2009 was brutal!) I am trying to start a small business. I also spend a lot of time building myself up mentally and physically through my yoga practice.

    Yes, I would love to have someone special in my life again. But I am enjoying taking a break before I begin dating again so that I can work on important things in my own life.

    I wish you the best!

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  4. You should listen to your friends! Don't let me discourage you, but it took me almost 4 years to convince myself that I didn't want to look anymore...and 6 months later someone has come into my life that is really worth it! I refer to him as my non-boyfriend boyfriend...who knows where it will lead or what will happen but it's the first time in almost 5 years that I can actually say I am excited about my future.

    Hang in there girl!

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