I don't know why it bothered me so much.
It is R.'s night to have them...
When Sam told me after the baseball picnic that he wanted to come home with me tonight, it made my heart smile.
I joyously walked with him to my car and helped him in.
Then he says to me, "Mom, tomorrow night I'm spending the night at dad's house?"
"No, sweetheart, your dad has to work."
"Never mind, Mom, I'm going with dad."
Again... it shouldn't have bothered me.
I just hate being home alone.
Back when I was dating Spencer (even though we weren't in the same town), I talked to him nightly for hours. So, I never felt alone.
My friends are great. They tell me to call when I feel like this. The thing is I have an emptiness, a void, that isn't filled by just friendship.
Everyone keeps telling to stop looking... that when I finally stop looking is when someone will come along.
But how do I get to the point of not wanting to look, when the desire to have someone to be with and to share my life is so strong?
Surfing Sunday 12.10
15 hours ago