Not that I'm not happy for them...

I confess...Okay... I know this may seem strange... but I am still friends(on FB)  with most of the guys that I have gone on a couple of dates with, but then it didn't work out between us (for whatever reason.)

And I confess... this has never been a problem.

But recently there has been an influx of them finding their dream woman... and getting married.

I mean today alone one got married and another one proposed!!!

I confess... They are all great guys... which is why I'm happy for them (and why we are still friends)

BUT I confess... I'm kinda finding myself being "the one before the one"

...and even though I have sworn off dating right now...

I confess...it still kinda sucks.

It has come too fast... and not fast enough

Today was the last Monday of the school year for us.
This time of year is always crazy... too  many things to do and not enough time.
But this time of year always saddens me.
Especially this year.
I have had an awesome group of kids this year!
Sure, there are those that grind on your nerves and that push the limits...
But overall, this group has had an amazing sense of humor ...they can tell a joke and understand my sarcasm.
... and I will miss them dearly.

You see... This is the type of group you want a student teacher to experience.
But I have felt cheated... cheated that I didn't get more time with these wonderful kids.

So the end of this week is coming too fast.

But, in the same sense, some of the other adults I work with are doing their best to remind me that I'm not part of "that group" again.

It amazes me how they can continue to find new all time lows... this time being that they went out and bought supplies on the school's credit card for all the third grade classes to make volcanoes except for mine.

When I ask where my supplies are, they respond with, "Oh. We didn't think you wanted them" (when *I* was the one that brought it up at last week's meeting)

I have learned to just walk away pretending that it doesn't bother me.
...but it does.
It really, really does.

Time changes things - Colby

I interviewed Colby 3 years ago... these are how he answered the questions then (age 6) and now (age 9).


1. What is something mom always says to you? 
be nice to your brother 
Do you want to go outside and play?


2. What makes mom happy? 
me being good 
When me and Sam aren't fighting (That's true :)


3. What makes mom sad? 
me being bad 
When me and Sam fight... well... that kinda makes you angry.


4. How does your mom make you laugh? 
haha...funny jokes 
You stare and smile... and it makes me laugh.


5. What was your mom like as a child? 
a baby girl 
poor. (I was.)


6. How old is your mom? 
33 (He's right) 
36 (he's right)


7. How tall is your mom? 
I can't remember...um...um...16 feet tall? (haha. No.)
5'5" (He's close... I'm 5'8")


8. What is her favorite thing to do? 
play with me and Sam 
go to Silver Dollar City or go ziplining


9. What does your mom do when you're not around? 
clean up (glad he notices) 
does laundry and cleans the house (funny)


10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for? 
she would be in a circus (already live in one :) 
Having the biggest house on the block (ha! I don't)


11. What is your mom really good at? 
playing games 
drawing


12. What is your mom not very good at? 
juggling balls (he's right, I can't!) 
playing baseball


13. What does your mom do for her job? 
being at school to teach 
she teaches kids


14. What is your mom's favorite food? 
um...steak? 
steak??


15. What makes you proud of your mom? 
you make us happy 
for letting us have a good family ... because you're the one that made us.


16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be? 
She would be Incredible Hulk 
Super woman


17.What is your favorite thing Mommy cooks for dinner? 
white sauce and noodles (Chicken alfredo) 
Tacos


18. How are you and your mom the same? 
we both have the nose 
our nose


19. How are you and your mom different? 
we don't have the same ears 
our ears... mine stick out.


20. How do you know your mom loves you? 
cause she kisses on me 
Because you tell me you love me


22. Where is your mom's favorite place to go? 
go to the park 

Silver Dollar City

Time changes things - Sam

I interviewed Sam back when he was 3 and a half... Time changes things.  Now at the ripe age of 7, see how his answers have changed. The first answer it the 3 year old answer.  The second one is the 7 year old answer.
Love seeing how his thinking has changed. :) 


1. What is something mom always says to you?
get in the car
get your shoes on


2. What makes mom happy?
tisses (kisses)
getting flowers


3. What makes mom sad?
crying
losing her phone


4. How does your mom make you laugh?
tickling
tickles me


5. What was your mom like as a child?
(shugs shoulders)...I don't know...you played with a little toy?
I don't know... you've never told me


6. How old is your mom?
69 (ha! I don't think so!!)
37 (close... I'm 36)


7. How tall is your mom?
(raises his hand above his head) as tall as a mom
4 feet (Haha... no, I'm 5'8")


8. What is her favorite thing to do?
hang me upside down
teach


9. What does your mom do when you're not around?
look for us
play on her computer


10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
kisses
painting


11. What is your mom really good at?
teaching
making cakes


12. What is your mom not very good at?
lieing (ha!)
she can not ride a unicycle (haha! He's right, I can't.)


13. What does your mom do for her job?
work...teach
teach


14. What is your mom's favorite food?
celery? yes or no? (uhhh...no.)
bagels


15. What makes you proud of your mom?
you make us happy
you teach your kids(students)


16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
Velma off scooby-doo
Jerry (off of Tom & Jerry)


17.What is your favorite thing Mommy cooks for dinner?
steak...you cook the BEST steak, mom
chicken


18. How are you and your mom the same?
we both have arms :)
we both have brown hair


19. How are you and your mom different?
our noses
you have green eyes and I have blue eyes


20. How do you know your mom loves you?
kisses way up to the sky 
You hug me


22. Where is your mom's favorite place to go?
Silver Dollar City
Texas

Well played.

She stopped by to see him.
She hadn't seen him in a while... not since they had been together... and she had slipped out in the middle of the night.
She didn't do it to upset him... she did it because she was confused.
Her slipping out confused him as well... something she couldn't explain though.
It's not that she hadn't wanted to see him.
She did... but it was just easier that way.

So here she was, months later, stopping in to see him at his work.
While she waited for his secretary to send her in, she held polite conversation with the people in his office, ones she had met during drinks months before.
She wondered if any one knew about her and him.
She hoped not.

His secretary waved her back.
She glided into his office confident with the decision she had made months before.
He greets her warmly and takes her into his arms.
There was an ease between them. Something familiar.
That is what had drawn her into his bed in the first place.
The familiarity.
The security of their friendship.

She was hoping it was still there... the friendship, that is.

They talked "shop" ...avoiding what the topic she knew they both were thinking about.
It was nice to talk to him again.
Their friendship... seemed intact.
She thought maybe... just maybe it could go back to how it had always be.
Maybe he desired to be back to just a friendship as well.

She looked at the clock, it was getting late.
She stood to go and walked to the doorway.
He came around his desk and embraced her in a hug.
As they released, he leaned in for a kiss.
She turned and his lips landed on her cheek.
He gave her a look of surprise and she smirked.
"Well played." he replied jokingly.
The kiss had caught her off guard... being at his work, being in the open door way.
She hoped that no one saw it... or if any of the office staff had they would think it a friendly gesture and nothing more.
Maybe... he wasn't just interested in a friendship.
She walked away wondering what would hold in their future.

Maybe I'm barking up the wrong tree

To say I have been keeping busy would be an understatement.

But some people think I might have a new calling in life.

I got commissioned to make a cake for a retirement party of the assistant superintendent of a fairly large school district.

I'm friends with her and her husband, so I was honored when he asked me.

When he told me he wanted a cake shaped like their corgi (dog), I told him I would try my best.

So here is my best...

I learned all kinds of fun techniques through doing this cake... like rice krispie formation and air brushing... and to build a 50 pound cake on something more sturdy than cardboard.

Yeah... learning is good.

Decisions I have no say in

My ex husband, R. told me yesterday that he plans to get back into coaching.
I asked him if he was ready to kiss his children good-bye.

I know it will be more money for him and I know that is where his passion lies.
But I don't think he has ever viewed the world from my eyes (or soon to be our children's eyes)

You see... the term baseball widow was an understatement.
I jokingly tell people that the reason that my boys' birthdays are 4 days apart is because there was a 2 week window in July that I saw my husband.  But the thing is... it wasn't a joke.  He coached ball year around.
Never did I have a birthday or anniversary that I celebrated with my husband... because there was always a ballgame or practice that had to be attended.

Coaching was his life... and it became mine.
I was NOT number one.
It wasn't right... I know that now.

But what I also know is that my boys are used to having their dad being a BIG part of their lives. (He got out of coaching when Sam was 2 and Colby was 4.) I don't want them to think back on their childhood and think of their dad as being gone and being a part of other people's kids' lives.

But this is not something I have a say so in.
This is a decision that I don't get to make.
And even though I am a great mom... I'm not their dad.
I just hope and pray that my ex thinks of every aspect before he not only changes his life, but theirs as well.

Seven

My youngest, Sam, turned seven today.

I don't have him on his birthday this year... it was a hard adjustment for him... and me.

You see, Sam is my child that doesn't take to change easily.
He doesn't want to be in the limelight.

He wants to fully understand something before moving forward.
But he is also my child who (once he accepts you) will be your friend for life.

Yes, I have learned more about the world from him in the last seven years than I probably will the rest of my life.
Happy 7th birthday Sam!!