Sunday, May 6, 2012

Decisions I have no say in

My ex husband, R. told me yesterday that he plans to get back into coaching.
I asked him if he was ready to kiss his children good-bye.

I know it will be more money for him and I know that is where his passion lies.
But I don't think he has ever viewed the world from my eyes (or soon to be our children's eyes)

You see... the term baseball widow was an understatement.
I jokingly tell people that the reason that my boys' birthdays are 4 days apart is because there was a 2 week window in July that I saw my husband.  But the thing is... it wasn't a joke.  He coached ball year around.
Never did I have a birthday or anniversary that I celebrated with my husband... because there was always a ballgame or practice that had to be attended.

Coaching was his life... and it became mine.
I was NOT number one.
It wasn't right... I know that now.

But what I also know is that my boys are used to having their dad being a BIG part of their lives. (He got out of coaching when Sam was 2 and Colby was 4.) I don't want them to think back on their childhood and think of their dad as being gone and being a part of other people's kids' lives.

But this is not something I have a say so in.
This is a decision that I don't get to make.
And even though I am a great mom... I'm not their dad.
I just hope and pray that my ex thinks of every aspect before he not only changes his life, but theirs as well.

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