everything's not okay

I know I shouldn't miss him as much as I do...I didn't expect things to end badly between us ever.

He was a man I considered marrying and growing old with.

We had future plans made...or at least, in the works.

We had talked about riding up to Maine this summer and seeing the lighthouses...something I have on my bucket list.

I know it is something I will still do...someday.


It makes me sad.

Sad that that door has closed completely.

I had hoped it would remain ajar for at least a little while longer.

But I guess that was selfish of me...wanting the security of a friendship without the intimacy of a relationship.

I guess I need to realize that other people don't function like I do.

When I make my mind up, no matter how hard the decision, I can make everything be okay.

I thought everything would be okay.

Everything is not okay.