Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Sometimes it's just best if you get it out

So I let my ex (R) have it this morning.
Sometimes the emotions that he can cause to surface makes me feel like a crazy woman.
Thankfully (I guess) he laughs it off and takes it all in stride.

It started because he told me he couldn't keep our boys tonight because Wednesday nights are "date nights" for him and his new gf.
I don't mind keeping my boys ever.... that wasn't the problem.
The problem was... that when R and I were married, he didn't bother taking time out for my birthday, much less, a weekly date night.
I told him that besides our boys, he gave me the worst of him.
He tried to say that his "date night" is nothing fancy.
I told him that, when I was with him, I never asked for fancy, I just wanted him to want to be with me.

Don't get me wrong... I have NO desire to be back with this man.
None.
But it does make me question how he couldn't even bother for me.

So I told him he sucked.
That I wanted him to start his day knowing that he sucked.
He sucked for causing me to now not trust any male.
He sucked for not trying in our marriage.
He sucked at making me pissed off at something positive.
He just needed to know he sucked.

He responded that I am a much stronger person because of all of this.
True. I am.
(I am also more fearful of commitment and less trusting.)
Back when I was "less strong", I kept my opinions/feelings to myself... I internalized all guilt and took it upon myself because obviously I must have done something wrong...
But not now!!
Nope. This "stronger" gal is giving it to the man.
I'm saying my piece.

5 comments:

  1. Hi Dawn,

    I'm jealous, I don't tell people when they make me mad or upset me. I still believe that whatever they've said or done to get to me is because of something I've said or done or not said or done that I've should have. Either which way its my fault.

    Hope you're having a good day.

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  2. I am sorry. I hope it gets easier.

    LisaDay

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  3. Your a better person than I. I always say that.
    I would never be nice to him or as understanding as you are. You go girl! Im glad you gave it to him.

    Heres to happier time in your life.

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  4. My wifes parents got divorced a year ago. And she recently told both of them, that she never wants to hear about any of their relationships or dating, (which they had each started to tell her about seperately). nothing at all, ever. it just invokes too many negative feelings for her. Perhaps a pact like that may be a good thing for seperated couples. I mean really, who wants to know? Even given that he is yesterdays junk-mail, look how even hearing that one short seemingly innocent comment he made about his relationship caused you grief? Sure you are gonna think about his dating life on your own from time to time regardless, but why let him plant those thoughts in your head? sorry, i'll stop now...
    Did I ever mention that all my wifes girlfriends think I talk to them like I'm their dad? go figure...
    Well, thats what growing up in house with a psychotherapist mother gets me.

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  5. Sometimes you just gotta let it out! Do you feel better now? I always feel better when I'm brave enough to say what I feel.

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