Monday, October 19, 2009

Solid as a rock

I haven't wavered through this whole process.
I've waited.
I've watched.
I've wondered.
But I have never wavered.

At the beginning of January, you told me you would be here by summer.
By mid-January, you told me you couldn't discuss coming here.
By the end of January, you told me you weren't sure as to how long you could hold out in coming to me.

By the end of February, you told me that I didn't need to come there and you didn't need to come here.

In March, you told me that you missed me so much that you were sick to your stomach and that you loved everything about me.

In April, you asked me to come live with you and told me that we were "Common Law" married per your state's law. Yet, you went out on a "date" with your landlord's daughter.

From May through September, I traveled to you as much as possible. I felt like we needed to experience what it would be like if we were actually together, not just dating 7 hours from each other. I learned that you love and know me, you are very good with my boys and that you love them, and that we enjoy each other's interests (motorcycles, photography).

But what I also learned is that you aren't getting any closer, you don't want to get married, you don't want to be involved with church, you don't want any more kids, and you treat me like I am a Susie homemaker (which I am not, and actually hate).

So...this week, when you decided that you are back on board with moving up here...and I had some hesitation...I'm not wavering.

I'm waiting...to see what happens.

I'm watching...to see if you will change your mind again.

I'm wondering....if this will actually work out.

...But, I'm not wavering.

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