I have had some dark and twisted last couple of days. I have turned into an insomniac again and I seriously think it is affecting my sanity.
But in the same sense, I have said things that have bothered me for a long time to the people that they need to be said to.
I have to say, I am a planner and a worrier. If I am going to have a confrontation with someone, I plan it out in my head. I play through several scenarios to not be caught off guard and so that I can be prepared for the worst. I am much better at writing down my feelings so I can reread them before presenting them to someone....most of the time, they aren't presented. And then I worry. I worry about what will come about because of my words. Things I can't take back after I have said them. So, I don't say them.
But the last few days, in this fogged-out, sleep-deprived brain of mine, that filter (that makes me plan and keeps me from saying what I want to say) has been void from my life.
I told my ex-husband today how much he hurt me....and I didn't leave out the mean, hurtful feelings that I have never said to him. Feelings that filter of mine keeps me from saying because I might cause a ripple.
Somehow, I feel less weighted...now maybe I can sleep.
Surfing Sunday 07.22
14 hours ago