Thursday, January 15, 2009

I don't mind the circus...but I don't care for the juggling

Okay...I don't even know where to start. Since New Year's my life seems like a whirl-wind. I felt like I finally had a (semi) grasp on the whole dating scene.
But, I should know how the universe works ...I should never get to comfortable with a situation...because when I do that is when I get flipped upside down.

My friend, who I spent New Year's with, surprised me last weekend by coming up to see me. During his visit, he told me that he doesn't want to (later in life) wonder "what if?" when it comes to him and I. That he wants to work towards us being together... I reminded him how distance is not kind to us. This is when he told me that his goal is to move up to Branson in about 6 months.
Was I flattered? yes. Did it freak me out? HELL, YES!

See...I had written him off when it came to a dating relationship. We knew that we couldn't do it because of distance and I didn't ever foresee us being at the same place. He kind of took it in offense when I said I couldn't wrap my head around the whole idea.
I sometimes wish I was that star-struck newly divorced gal he met so many months ago...the one that naively held her head high and giddily pursued a new man. I would have nervously, but gladly, told him to come on.
Now, though, I am not star-struck. I am realistic. I believe that if he is meant to move here in 6 months, he will...and if not, I will survive.
Don't get me wrong...I care for the man deeply...but my heart is at risk here.

My girlfriends have seen me hurt. They are good to me~too good, sometimes, I think. So, in attempt to save me from future hurt, they have become my emotional body guards. They give advice. They tell the men I am dating that if they hurt me, THEY will come after him. :) and then, sometimes, they take a stand for me.

One of my girlfriends emailed my friend to ask him what his intentions were with me. He said that his intentions were pure. That he now realized how great of a woman I was and that he wanted to pursue a relationship with me. My girlfriend said some pretty demeaning things(in reference to his intelligence) in response. Which, of course, made my friend mad.

Really! Truly! Dating is stressful enough as is - I don't need fighting too!

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