Sunday, January 1, 2012

Resolutions?? Who needs them?? Oh yeah... Me.

I wish I believe about myself how Calvin views himself... would have made this past week a lot easier.
While my boys were gone, I had a LOT of time to analyze myself and my life.
Great if you are trying to come up with New Year's resolutions... not so great if you are trying to stay positive.

I was in the "Whoa is me" state and I was telling a friend how everyone believes that I deserve more than for me than I believe for myself. That's when they said, "Yeah, I don't get it Dawn.  You deserve to have it all and then some.  Don't ever let yourself think that you don't. But the thing is... that isn't the side of Dawn we all see... I have always thought of you as a very brave and confident person."

I went on to tell them that I think that maybe I am great at putting on a good front. I have done it most of my life, but I don't think I am brave most of the time. Resilient maybe, but brave, no.

I also think people misconstrue happiness for confident. I know I haven't been confident in myself most of my life, but I can definitely say that I have been happy. And happiness ISN'T overrated!

I think they also view my outgoingness as being confident... to some it might be two in the same... but for me it is not.  I am outgoing so I don't end up shy in a corner somewhere... trust me, I have already lived that part of my life (and those tendencies still reside within me). I am loud and boisterous because who can ignore the loud one??  I'm also outgoing because I know what it feels like to be left out... excluded.  I figure if I'm the "outgoing one", I get to pick whether or not someone gets invited along... and trust me, I look for the people that look like I used to look (and how I still sometimes feel) and I make sure they are included.

Does it make me popular?  Sometimes.
...But not always. Strange as it sounds, not everyone wants everyone to be included.
I've decided teachers are worse than catty high school girls.
Have I told you I purposefully didn't hang with those girls in high school??

Our staff wrote kind words to one another as a present this year.
Someone wrote on mine "A big ball of sunshine who brightens everyone's day."

So... I guess my resolution is... To live up to the person others view me to be... and actually believe it about myself.

What resolutions did you decide on this year?

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