untying the knot

i didn't do it

i didn't stand my ground

i answered the phone when he called



he told me he was depressed because i rushed off like he wasn't a second thought in my mind

i explained that i had to get home to get my children



he said he was sorry i had a miserable time while i was down

i said i didn't

i was just lonely

it was good while he was around



i don't think he believed me

even though i meant every word



the knot in my stomach is still just as tight

you'd think talking to him would have resolved that

it didn't



he just texted me that he was going to bed & that he loved me

i texted back that i loved him too

and i do



i'm just not sure how things will go...

because the knot is still there...

...and he will want me to come see him this weekend...

...and things are always too good when we are together

...and sometimes not so great when we are not



i just wish i was stronger

...could stand up and speak my mind against someone i love

...not that it would make it easier

but maybe, just maybe

...that knot in my stomach would be gone.