I don't know what made me think about this while I was in the shower this morning...
I remember when Sam was a week old. I had taken him in to the doctor for a check-up on his circumcision.
We were taken back to a room and a nurse came in to get his vitals. You could tell she was new at this as she appeared more than a little nervous.
I had undressed Sam all except for his diaper. He may have only been a week old...but I was not a newcomer to little boys and exposed areas.
The nurse asked me to go ahead and remove his diaper...she wanted to take his temperature. About that time, Sam let out a little grunt. I smiled at the nurse and said, "I think we'd better wait a few minutes."
Her lips pursed. She looked at me like I was questioning her authority. She might have been new but she didn't want her authority questioned... "It will take me just a second," she said.
"I really think we should wait just a minute."
"The doctor will want to know his temperature before he comes in...I need to take his temperature." she said exasperated.
"Okay" I said.
I gently lay Sam down on the table and removed his diaper. The nurse grabbed ahold of Sam's ankles and lifted them high into the air. "Uh...you may not." The laser beams that shot out of her eyes stopped me mid-sentence.
I closed my mouth.
About the time she breached Sam's buttocks with the thermometer, a flood of mustard colored slimy liquid baby poo exploded from Sam. It covered her completely. (I mean she did have his legs in the air aiming him right at her.) She started screaming, "Oh. Oh. Oh." The look of shock could not be hidden as she ran from the room.
It took all of me to not say, "I told you so."
This Is Not Okay
1 day ago