30 Days of Truth: Day One: Hatred

I sometimes have a hard time with being honest... not with others, more with myself.... I try to shield myself sometimes with the happy thoughts that I "think" should being running through my head rather than the ugly things that sometimes are. I also know I have an "image" to uphold... so many times I don't post things that I know would lessen how others view me, even if it really is how I feel.

So, when I repeatedly kept seeing this challenge of the 30 Days of Truth...I asked myself if I could really truly do it. Allow others to see the raw and truthful side that I most of the time don't post.

It’s just a series of writing prompts, encouraging you to be honest and truthful.
I saw here...and they got it from here.

I will work my way through these... but I do use my blog as my outlet. So with that being said, there will be days that I tell what is on my mind instead. Also, there are some Meme's that I just loooove to do (i.e. - Post-It Note Tuesday). So my postings on these may not be consecutive.

So....Without further ado.

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
I hate that I am alone... and that I cant find that "perfect" relationship that I desire with my whole heart. I hate that I am losing hope in finding that relationship. I hate that I continue to see friends and loved ones' marriages crumble around me and I wonder why I even try to strive for what they once had. I hate that I am the person that people come to when they want to know how to get through the gut wrenching strife of divorce because they know I have survived it. It's not that I hate helping them... it's that I have the knowledge to help them.

I hate that I have things that I hate about myself.

"Hate cages all the good things about you." ~Terri Guillemets

Here's to a happier topic the next go around...

Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Sin lies only in hurting other people unnecessarily

Colby is having a really hard time with R. (my ex) & W. (his girlfriend)'s break up.

It breaks my heart to see my son hurting especially since I don't know how to help him. He wants to go home with his dad on a daily just to check to see if W. has come home.
She hasn't and I know she won't.

But that's not my place or my business.

My business is my children though.

Yesterday, W. went to Colby's school and had lunch with him... without permission from R. or myself.

Yes, I realize this happened a lot when her and R were together... but they aren't together!

And once she decided to walk away from her and R.'s relationship, she was also choosing to walk away from her relationship with my boys.

She doesn't get to choose if and when she sees my children any more.
Because what she doesn't realize is her coming to see Colby isn't helping the healing process for my son... it is postponing it.

...and I'm tired of seeing my son hurting.

Mean girls

“False friends are like our shadow, keeping close to us while we walk in the sunshine but leaving us when we cross into the shade.”

I have never been *that* girl... you know the one who was too good to be every one's friend~She picked and chose her friends... and also dropped them like an old habit when someone newer or more interesting came along. She was a bully, but everyone "loved" her (mainly so they wouldn't become her target).

You know those girls.... I know you do!

(Picture courtesy of Paramount Pictures)

Well... I thought I had left those girls behind when I graduated high school.

It's not like I tried to be friends with them back then.
In fact, they kinda disgusted me... how fair-weathered they were to people, yet everyone still kissed their a**.


No, I was perfectly happy with my little group of girl friends. I knew I could rely on any of them no matter what! I could still call any of them up to this day and ask for help, and I know they would do their best to do what they could.

Do you think little Miss "Drop my 'friends' where ever I choose" could say that about her HS friends? Yeah...I think probably not.

Yet, here I am years out of HS and I'm having to deal with this HS drama of the "mean girl".

This is my fourth year at the school I am currently teaching at.
I was the "mean girl's" focus my first 2 years.
Thankfully, I met my bestie (Laura) and she helped me to stay strong through those two years.

Last year, her focus moved (just ever so slightly) to 2 other gals on our side of the hall.
They planned with Laura and I, and because of that, they were dropped from "the inner circle".

The year before they had planned with her... She didn't like the change.
So she turned on them.

This year, I thought the "mean girl" had taken a break.
She actually talks and laughs and jokes with me and Laura this year.
She invites us to share in the things she is doing.

(Trust me... I hadn't forgotten the past... just sighed a sigh of relief that things weren't so stressful amongst our grade level.)

Until today.

Today, I found out that the new teacher in our hall (I love her!! She makes me smile every day!) has become the "mean girl's" target.

Our newbie told me that she goes home and cries every day that she has interaction with the "mean girl" BUT that it is even worse on the days that the mean girl and her clan (yes. she has followers, just like in HS) don't even acknowledge her.

My heart just broke for her.
I tried to reassure her that I would be there for her.
...That the "mean girl" is like that to a lot of people.

But I know that doesn't make it any better or easier.

Tell me again why mean girls are allowed out of HS?

Don't ask me WHAT I'm teaching them... Post-It Note Tuesday

Klingons are NOT my favorite...

So, I went on a second date with this guy.
The first coffee date went fine. He by no means blew me out of the water, but he didn't make me want to run for the hills either.

Then the texting started.
He started telling me about the imagined life he saw of us spending together.

Now, mind you, we had just had coffee. Nothing else. No hanky panky. No hand holding. No kissing. Nada! Just Coffee!!!

We had already made plans for a second date before all of the explicit text began arriving... and I'm not really someone who backs out on a commitment, so I decided it would be fine. We would go on our date and I could clear up the fact that he was moving way too fast. Also, he has a teenage daughter and he had told me that she would be joining us. That might freak some people out, but actually I was relieved because I figured he wouldn't try anything with his teenage daughter there, would he??

Saturday arrived... and I can honestly say I wasn't excited for my date, but I had decided I would make the best of this situation. This is where I should have just stopped myself and turned and walked away. I mean, if your not excited for a date before it happens... it probably shouldn't happen, right?

But I suppose I am a glutton for punishment...

So as I'm getting ready, he texts me that his daughter had spent the night at a friend's house and had decided to make it a double nighter, so it would just be the two of us. Again, this should have made me excited to spend alone time with him... but, it didn't.

I arrive at his house. (don't worry... his address was given to my friends with strong husbands with the instructions to call and check in on me and if I didn't respond to "Come find me!!!" ~ hey a gal can never be too careful these days!)

He cooked dinner.
We went and played putt putt.
I definitely did not play my best game as he tried to get all handsy... and despite me continuously removed his hands, he didn't get the message.

We went back to his house. He wanted us to watch a movie.
I told him that my friends expected me at a certain time.

He acted shocked! "I was kinda hoping you'd stay here."

Whoa! Buddy! Obviously you don't know me at all!!!
"No. That will definitely NOT be happening!! "

"But why???"

I politely explained why... he still didn't get it.

Yeah... I left shortly there after. He could tell he had crossed a line. ...Or at least I thought he could.

This morning I get a text.
He told me he wished he was waking up next to me and asked me if I would come watch the game with him today.

I decided I would clear the air of any fogginess that might still be lingering in his brain.
So, I called him and told him that we would not be seeing each other again.
Silence.
"Okay, well I have to get in the shower."

"Wow... That was too easy!" I thought to myself.

Two minutes later, I got a text. "So will I be hearing from you again?"
Me: No.
Him: Well, keep my number. I'll erase yours. Future contact should probably be initiated by you.

WTF... do guys just not get it? I had just verbally and through text told him I would not be contacting him... why would I need to keep his number??

Me: I will not be contacting you.
Him: I just don't want to lose you.

Again... he would have had to have had me first in order to lose me... Maybe I don't understand this whole dating thing... am I missing something here??

Bedtime Stories!!!

What made me smile this week...

Sam "reading" me a bedtime story!!!


Winking with Colby (& with Dr. Suess)!!!


My son's silly bands... and not missing any words on the page!!!



Letting him read HOWEVER he feels most comfortable!!!

Sharing the love of reading with my children!!!

What makes you

A little ray

I have been having a tough year with my class this year.
I try not to blog about it because no one ever wants to hear a "Negative Nelly", but in the same sense I blog to get it all out... the good... the bad... and the ugly.

I had forgotten how happy my class last year made me.
How much I loved coming to school every day!
How I left the day energized, not beaten down.

Today, one of my students from last year came down to see me.
The reason he came to see me was a simple one.... he needed a screw driver... he knew I had one.... he had used it many times last year. (He is a very mechanically inclined child!)

He looked at me with a smile on his face and said, "I knew I could count on you Ms. T. I always could!"

It was just what I needed...