Thursday, February 21, 2013

Peering through life's window

The icy weather closed everything around me down... and I'm fine with that.
Being trapped in my house where I have to stay in my pajamas and wrapped in a blanket isn't a bad thing in my eyes.

In fact, I enjoy it.

Sure... I miss my boys, but I know that I do a disservice to them come snowing/icy wintery days.  I want nothing to do with that outside nastiness.

So, when I got my call this morning that school was cancelled, I was happy to curl back into my cozy bed all the time knowing that my boys would get to hang out outside with their dad.

What I hadn't factored into my snow day was Ty's kids... you see, my boys know how much their momma despises the cold, but Ty's kids had to learn it today.

They just couldn't understand how I wouldn't want to go sledding.
(I like to sled in fluffy white snow when the wind isn't blowing, not across sleet when pelts of ice continuously hit you in the face. - I know. I know... I'm spoiled like that.)

So I promised to watch them through the window.

I don't know why... but I feel like I'm watching my life a lot through a window lately.
I guess it is because of the uncertainty of many things in my life right now.

1 - I have been asked to apply for a district tech position - One that I could realistically get... and it makes me want to hyperventilate because I know it is a great opportunity and it's more money... but I'm afraid I will miss my kids. I mean, like, really miss them.

2 - My cake decorating business has the potential to explode. I've been asked to advertise and been throwing around the idea of selling on Etsy. I have 3 orders in the next 4 weeks.  This all sounds great... and it is... but I'm not sure I'm ready to be that busy.

3 - Ty and I relationship is going great... and I'm sure most of you would wonder "Why is that a problem?" It's not... but it is.  I'm afraid... afraid that it is going to blow up and that I just can't see it.  My sister-in-law, LeaAnn asked me the other day if I thought that he and I would get married some day.  I couldn't give her a definite answer.  One reason I couldn't is because Ty's dad came home from his California trip telling of how he ran into an old friend and they asked about Ty and I. Ty's dad responded to them, "They are great, but I doubt Ty will ever get married again."
I realize those are Ty's dad's words and not Ty's...and I realize that we haven't even been dating 6 months yet, but I guess LeaAnn's words resounded in my ears when she asked, "I don't think you two should rush things, but do you think he will ever want to get married? and, if not, are you okay with that?"

and I can't honestly say that I am...
...but in the same breath, I like spending my snow days alone curled in a blanket doing nothing.

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