I'm not (nor could I ever be) The Bachelorette

I know. I know. I have fallen off the Blog-o-sphere again.
It's because I have been conflicted...
So I didn't know what I should or shouldn't write about.

You see.. I have had 2 guys vying for my attention lately.
(Sounds great huh? Don't fool yourself.)

You see... I'm one of those gals that dates only one guy at a time.
I feel guilty if I do have more than one.
I almost feel like I should be apologizing.
In fact, I know I have apologized a LOT lately...
... because I don't want to hurt anyone...
... because I'm so indecisive...
... because I know I don't know... and what's worse than that?

So here's the back story... and even though I don't have an ending to share with you yet, I feel like I've decided enough that I can share.

I have a guy that I met on-line.
We started talking back in mid-June.
I told him that I wanted to take things slow... and he has been VERY respectful of that.
He has my sense of humor.  I have been my utterly goofy self around him and he finds it "cute" (his words, not mine.)
He sees my need for space and allows me that.
The thing is... I think we might be cut out to just be friends.
I don't get those warm fuzzies all over when I think of him.
I think of him... but that is because he is now woven into my life.  I think of something funny that I know he will get and I want to share it with him.
But I don't think "OMG when am I going to see him again?!!"
And this worries me...
Am just leading him on?
Am I being fair by waiting it out to see what's to come?

The other one is a neighbor.
For six months, we have been doing the friendly "hi" and giving a wave.
He finally asked me out last week... I had been waiting for this what seemed like forever so I had to go.
We clicked instantly.  We had that spark...
... I was SO torn.

Here I have a guy that is nice as the day is long, but with no spark... and in the other hand the spark but things in his past that make me worry...
What to do? What to do?
I stressed about it ALL week.  I literally had a knot in my stomach and couldn't eat. (Not necessarily a bad thing considering I'm still trying to work off the ten pounds I put on this summer)

Finally I decided that I have followed the spark before and all it got me was heartache.
Trust me... I really do believe that the spark needs to be there... I just need it to NOT cause me physical pain in the form of guilt of having two men and not knowing what path to go down.

So, I told the neighbor thanks, but no thanks. Needless to say he wasn't happy with my decision, but we are trying to make the best of "just being neighbors".

So... here I am... waiting out the guy that I don't have a spark with...

What do you think??  Do you think there needs to be an initial spark?  Do you think that a spark can grow over time?  Or do you think I should ditch them both and start over anew??

Yeah... I am confused as ever. This should be NO surprise to anyone.. especially me. lol