A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches.

Has anyone ever asked you how you were named?  Do you have an interesting story?

I feel (as a parent) that a child's name should have significance... meaning... a good story to tell why they are named the name that they are.  So when someone asks them, they can hold their head high and proud and tell their story.

Maybe I feel this way because of my story... here is the story of how I was named...


My parents hadn't found out the sex that I was... it was common practice back then, but they had picked out names. (Come to think of it,  I never thought to ask what boy name was picked for me...)

Anyways, I was supposed to be named Teresa Marie (for Mother Teresa and the Mother Mary - my dad was a devote catholic.) At the time my mom was pregnant with me, my dad was an adjunct college English professor in Alaska. He wrote a story about an Indian father who had to name his child before it was born.  The Indian father named his child "Dawn" for the dawning of the day.  My dad did a lot of writing at the time and didn't ever tell my mom about that story that he had written.  My mom came across that story one day as she was cleaning up the house.  She read it, but thought nothing more of it.  The morning I was born (at 4:56 am), my dad (not knowing my mom had read the story) hesitantly asked my mom "Could we name her Dawn instead?"  Since my mom had read the story, she immediately understood and said, "Yes! It fits her perfectly!"  They didn't want to COMPLETELY get rid of the names that they had mulled over, so my whole name is Dawn Marie Therese.

I love telling that story.
I love that I have a story.
Tell me your story.

A little OCD

I think back... in High school I could tell when my teacher had moved my desk even just a tile.
It threw me.

I hold on to things way past too long.
I never know if I might one day need them... there is a security in knowing I have them.

There are certain things that I have to have a certain way...
Even if someone else has done it ( and has done a fine job), I have to redo it.


But I never thought it went much further than my little quirks...
until today.

Today it was pointed out to me that because I don't adjust well to change, I can't move forward in a relationship.

Because I hold on to things too long, I haven't let go of things from my past relationships, which is preventing me from moving forward with a new relationship.

Because I have an image of how a relationship should be ...and so far none of them have been that "certain way", I can't moved forward because there are no do overs.

Yep.
Who knew breaking up with a guy would be such an eye opener?
and that he would be so open to opening my eyes...


“We can't be afraid of change. You may feel very secure in the pond that you are in, but if you never venture out of it, you will never know that there is such a thing as an ocean, a sea. Holding onto something that is good for you now, may be the very reason why you don't have something better.” 
― C. JoyBell C.

Who knows... maybe one day I'll be famous

Soo... guess what I'm doing today??

I'm going to an open casting call for a national commercial.
How cool is that?!

I decided after my divorce (after I had limited myself for so many years) that when opportunities presented themselves, I would take them. It didn't matter if they were new, or scary, or downright "Who does that?!" kind of stuff... as long as it is legal, I'm willing to try it.

So last night, I sat down to watch the 6 o'clock news (something I NEVER do.) and they flashed about a 10 second segment on who to contact to be part of this.

I'm really excited!! (and just a little bit nervous) but you only live once, right?

Champions aren't made in the gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep inside them -- a desire, a dream, a vision.

So my school is doing this sports theme this year for our character building activities.
... and someone got this bright idea that it would be SO great for all of the teachers to bring in sports pictures of themselves from HS and the such.

Let me just tell you... I love that my boys play ball... I  love to go to a live ball game... but that is about the closest to sports that I come.

I mean, not everyone grows up playing sports. I was in speech and debate and in school plays and in the choir (and maybe... possibly in the band at one point and time... but we won't talk about that...)

So... yeah, sport pictures of me are nil to none.

But put me in a good Oompa Band and that's another story.

Oh. Wait.  We weren't talking about that, were we?? *wink*

Fine. Fine. Yes, I was in a band... So here's the picture I submitted:

Me in all of my baking loveliness

So I promised you yesterday that I would scan in the picture from when I won the recipe contest.

So here it is...

Yes, I was a senior in high school.
Yes, I did wear a turtleneck and an XL sweater.
Yes, I was bigger back then than I am now... but I have never been what someone would constitute as an XL.
Yes, my mother did convince me that I looked GREAT in that XL sweater. lol

I am my mother's daughter

Today I got a new cooking magazine.
It had a recipe in it for sour cream coffee cake.
The picture looked good and I had all of the ingredients...

So I have spent the last 3 hours making 2 of them.

Do I need two coffee cakes??
No.   ...but I was willing to make it so tomorrow all of my friends can tell me to keep or lose the recipe.

Growing up, my mom used to try out new recipes ALL the time!
I can remember sitting and waiting (dentist, doctor, hair salon, etc) and my mom would be reading magazines, finding new recipes, and copying them down.

When we got home (or sometime in the near future), my brothers and I would be the guinea pigs.

More often than not, if the recipe came across with rave reviews, it would get entered into the local recipe contest.
Yes. I can honestly say I have won a recipe contest.
I won $50 and a big country ham. (I don't know why but this makes me snicker.)
It was for Apple Cheese Bars.
Let me know if you want the recipe... I'm sure I still have it somewhere (Kidding!  Of course, I still have it!)

In fact, I will try to scan in the newspaper article tomorrow if I think of it... Cause I know you all want to see me in all of my high school loveliness. (Trust me.. nothing to call home about... it was back when my mother/society convinced me that wearing clothes 2 sizes too big was in.)

I remember that recipe well... my mom had read it, but we hadn't had a chance to try them out before the annual recipe contest (My mom collected a LOT of recipes!!) So when we got the call that I  had made it to the tasting finals, we had no idea what they would taste like. I won my category and ended up tying for the grand prize.

All of my brothers have won in a category.  My older brother, Michael, won the grand prize one year as well.  He, in fact, won a couple of years before me.  That was the last year they held the shopping spree for the grand prize winner.  I'm sure when the local grocery store agreed to award the winner of a recipe contest, they assumed it would be some 80 year woman, not a 17 year old boy.  You had 3 minutes to get as many groceries in your cart.  My mom got us to the store an hour before the shopping spree was supposed to begin.  She discussed with my brother the path that he should take, what things he could take time knocking into his cart on the way... but ultimately, my mom's goal was to get him back to the meats.  Michael was told he needed to load up his cart with steaks, crab legs, shrimp, and anything he could grab. (My mom, being a single mom of four kids was no dummy :) Due to strategic placement, Michael had loaded one whole cart  as he raced down the aisle. Then picked up his next cart and headed for the meats.  He had to make sure he was past the finish line with his cart when the time was up. He continued to knock things into both carts as he headed back down the aisles. He won a little over $300 worth of groceries.  Like I said, that was the last year of the shopping spree... so I won $50 and a big country ham. (*snicker*)

Yeah... I sure do love me a good recipe.
Too bad you aren't here... I'd share some coffee cake with you.

“Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night.” ― Charles Fisher

I had a dream last night.
I think it is my subconscious roaring it's little head.

In it, I had just arrived home from a date with Thor (that's what I'm gonna call the guy that I have been dating  from online.)
But when I say I arrived "home", it was actually the house that I grew up in as a kid.
Spencer (my ex-boyfriend) was in this dream. Supposedly he lived across the street and was stalking me. (I think that my subconscious put Spencer and my hot neighbor together into one creature - which is valid because in certain aspects he does remind me of Spencer.)

(Wow... there may be too much back story to even type out this dream.)

Any who...Spencer was out front of my house starting fires and threatening to burn down my house. Then he was stalking around the outside of my house trying to look in the windows.  Finally he was naked and jumping off the porch into my boys' kiddie pool. All throughout I was annoyed by all of these actions.

I had finally had enough and headed to the backyard where we had a shed.  I walked into the shed and all of my boxes from my past that were in disarray before were neatly stacked along the edges of the shed walls.  This "cleaning" had been done by a tall, country fellow with a cowboy hat and an elderly gentleman.  I thanked them and told them what a wonderful job they had done.  Then I wondered why I had been messing with all of these other guys that were driving me crazy when I had one here in front of me that helped make me feel sane again.


I have my theory as to what the dream means... anyone else want to give me their interpretation??

I can do it myself

"I can do it myself"

Words I have heard muttered from your lips since you were two.
Always Mr. Independent.
Always ready to charge forward to the unknown.

But now I know it's true.
You are getting to the age that you can do it by yourself.
...and as your Momma, I am proud and sad all in one.

Back to school

You know a tune is catchy when YEARS after you heard it, you still hum it.
One of those for me is the Billy Madison song "Back to school"



So if you hadn't guessed it we started back this week...
My babies are 2nd and 4th graders this year...

Where has the time gone??

I'm not (nor could I ever be) The Bachelorette

I know. I know. I have fallen off the Blog-o-sphere again.
It's because I have been conflicted...
So I didn't know what I should or shouldn't write about.

You see.. I have had 2 guys vying for my attention lately.
(Sounds great huh? Don't fool yourself.)

You see... I'm one of those gals that dates only one guy at a time.
I feel guilty if I do have more than one.
I almost feel like I should be apologizing.
In fact, I know I have apologized a LOT lately...
... because I don't want to hurt anyone...
... because I'm so indecisive...
... because I know I don't know... and what's worse than that?

So here's the back story... and even though I don't have an ending to share with you yet, I feel like I've decided enough that I can share.

I have a guy that I met on-line.
We started talking back in mid-June.
I told him that I wanted to take things slow... and he has been VERY respectful of that.
He has my sense of humor.  I have been my utterly goofy self around him and he finds it "cute" (his words, not mine.)
He sees my need for space and allows me that.
The thing is... I think we might be cut out to just be friends.
I don't get those warm fuzzies all over when I think of him.
I think of him... but that is because he is now woven into my life.  I think of something funny that I know he will get and I want to share it with him.
But I don't think "OMG when am I going to see him again?!!"
And this worries me...
Am just leading him on?
Am I being fair by waiting it out to see what's to come?

The other one is a neighbor.
For six months, we have been doing the friendly "hi" and giving a wave.
He finally asked me out last week... I had been waiting for this what seemed like forever so I had to go.
We clicked instantly.  We had that spark...
... I was SO torn.

Here I have a guy that is nice as the day is long, but with no spark... and in the other hand the spark but things in his past that make me worry...
What to do? What to do?
I stressed about it ALL week.  I literally had a knot in my stomach and couldn't eat. (Not necessarily a bad thing considering I'm still trying to work off the ten pounds I put on this summer)

Finally I decided that I have followed the spark before and all it got me was heartache.
Trust me... I really do believe that the spark needs to be there... I just need it to NOT cause me physical pain in the form of guilt of having two men and not knowing what path to go down.

So, I told the neighbor thanks, but no thanks. Needless to say he wasn't happy with my decision, but we are trying to make the best of "just being neighbors".

So... here I am... waiting out the guy that I don't have a spark with...

What do you think??  Do you think there needs to be an initial spark?  Do you think that a spark can grow over time?  Or do you think I should ditch them both and start over anew??

Yeah... I am confused as ever. This should be NO surprise to anyone.. especially me. lol