Today my son turns 9

I think I will have to repeat this to myself over and over again, "Today, my son turns nine." because otherwise I'm not sure I will believe it to be true.

He is definitely turning into someone I can say I am proud to know and call my own.
He is always willing to lend an encouraging word.

He takes the world on his shoulders.

He always offers a smile.

But he is growing up.
He does things on his own...
He has his own ideas and agenda...
and He no longer wants to give his Momma kisses in public.

Yep... Today, my son turns nine.

Angry Birds birthday

Every year I make my boys agree on a theme for their birthday party/cake... with them having birthdays only four days apart, it is just easier this way.
Most years it is a struggle because 2 years can have a world of difference in interests.
Somehow, this year was easy.
"Angry Birds!!!" they both shouted... and so it was decided.

We were SO happy to have a lot of our family and friends join us!

When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen. Ernest Hemingway

When I was young, I was often told that I was "an old soul" as I would sit around listening to the grown ups talk.
I was shy, but observant.
I would occasionally interject when something was said that didn't make sense to my young mind, but overall, I would just sit and listen and watch.

I wonder now if that is why I can hold a conversation with just about anyone... because at a young age I learned how important it was to listen.
Some of my most meaningful conversations don't seem to be with people my own age any more... they come from listening to little ones... viewing the world through eyes of wonder.  Or by listening to those older than me who have a smile on their face no matter what even when I hear them tell their life story it sounds like it was a constant struggle.

I was reminded yesterday how truly important it is to listen.
You see... I "officially" met Sonny yesterday.
Sonny is an elderly gentleman that works at our local amusement park.
He sells frozen lemonade.
I met him about 3-4 years ago.
I was having a rough day at the park that day.
I think Sonny was also having a rough day... or maybe a better word would be mundane.
I stood and watched Sonny as I waited in line. His head was dropped. He barely made eye contact with his customers because they definitely didn't give him two seconds of their time. They would order, plop their money down, take their drink and leave. Over and over again I watch this.

So, when it was my turn, I stopped and looked Sonny straight in the eye, smiled, and said, "I just want you to know that I make it a point to come to your stand every time I am here.  I don't like that fake stuff the other vendors sell."


Immediately light came to Sonny's eyes. We stood and talked several minutes. You could tell that no one truly stopped and talked to him. When I tried to pay, he waved my money away. I held out my hand to thank him. He took my hand in his and told me he should be thanking me.

This scene has been going on repeatedly since that time. Any time we go to the amusement park, I make it a point to go to Sonny's stand. I make it a point to stand and talk with him a while and listen to how things are with him.

I realized though at the end of the season last year that I didn't know this gentleman's name.  Someone that I "knew" and he "knew" me and we didn't know each other's names.

So, yesterday when I was there, I greeted Sonny warmly (like I always do) and then I explained that I felt rude for not stopping to take the time to ask him what his name was after all this time. He took my hand in his, smiled genuinely at me and said, "Sonny. Sonny is my name... and I want to thank you for always stopping by to see me." I then introduced myself and told him the pleasure was all mine.

We stood and talked for quite some time. I made sure I took the time to listen... just in case I was the only one who did.

Age - Another year older

Within the next week, both of my boys will turn another year older.

It's kind of hard for me to admit that I have (or soon enough will have) a 7 and a 9 year old.
It's not that it makes me feel old... in fact, it is quite the opposite. I don't feel old enough.

I don't feel like it was 9 years ago that I became a mom for the first time.
I don't feel like it was 7 years ago that I became a mom for the second time.

Can it really be?
I mean look at them... Here are Sam and Colby 7 years ago (give or take 6 months)

Sam with his beautiful baby blues.

And Colby... knowing mom was preoccupied with the baby... took it upon himself to show off some of his talents.

And now...
Sam is still flashing those baby blues...

And Colby is still showing off his talents...

But where oh where, has the time gone?

Pictures of a what I find comfort in

I arrive ready to take over.
It's what I do.
A baby is born... and I am ready and willing.

It happened a lot when I was a teenager.
I was known as the resident babysitter for most of the families in my church.
When events occurred, it was a race to see who could book me first.

I especially liked it when there was a new baby in the house.
There is just something about it...

When mine were young, I didn't get to enjoy it in the same way.
Something about being so exhausted that you can't remember what day it is kinda takes away from the magic of it.

But here I am... back to the place that I once knew so well.
A place where after a baby is born... I am there... ready and willing to take over.

I walk through the door, scoop my niece up, hang her upside down and give her kisses.

 

Then I set my sights on my nephew.
My SIL hands him over.
She understands my love for babies and is gracious enough to indulge me.

Then I send my brother and his wife to bed.
I tell them I have it covered.
I tell them I will get Gracie to bed and get up with her if needed.
At 5:30 a.m., Jackson is up.

After he is fed, my SIL pleadingly looks my way.
"Go. Go. I've got this covered." I smile.
"Thank you." she mouths.

I am in my comfort zone.
Shortly thereafter, Gracie is up.
We play dress up while Jackson swings.

At 10:45 a.m., my brother and his beautiful wife stumble into the living room.  They look like they might actually be able to take on the day without a fog hanging over them.

It is time for me to go...I have done what I came to do.

Words

Words overwhelm me. My being.
I hear too many of them in a day's time... from too many voices... many of them calling my name repeatedly.

I can't be without them though.

I have often wondered what it would be like to go through a whole day without them... the silence it would bring.
But I know there would be no silence... maybe physical silence, but there would still be that inner voice of mine, filling my head with words.
Words to songs.
Lists of things that need to be done.
Things that I would write the next time I had time to sit and blog.

Yes, I know words fill my being... which is why I sometimes have to let some of them spill out here.

Why I'm dateless and why that isn't about to Change

I'm hooking up with Momalom this week for the Five for Five topics... let's see if I can keep up with everything else that is going on.




I'm sure you are all curious to know what is up with my dating life since I haven't posted about it in a while.
Well... it's non-existent.
I have made it that way.

I have been really confused for quite some time.
I mean, I'm a nice, funny, attractive, successful gal.
I couldn't figure out why things weren't working out for me...

Then I looked at the common factor - me.

I admit it... I'm afraid of being hurt.
I have been hurt...SO hurt that parts of me I don't think survived.
After R. cheated on me, even though I knew I didn't cause it, it knocked me down off the pedestal of love and trust I thought I had.
More than a little of my innocence and naivety fell by the wayside.
I swore I would never get hurt like that again.
But I was wrong.
So very, very wrong.

Spencer I think hurt me more than R.did.
I fell head over heels for that man.
I had fully committed myself to him and our relationship.
I opened up and confided in him like I had never done before.
And he took that and used and abused it.

This broke me more than I realized at the time.
I thought I would give myself time to heal and move on.
Moving on?  I tried... Unsuccessfully because there was always something holding me back.
And then I realized it was that other word...Healing.
I have never fully healed from giving my all and loving someone(s) wholeheartedly and having being crushed.

I mean, how do you recover from that? Not once, but twice?
So, instead of taking that risk, I find something wrong with each new guy and end it.

Doesn't that make you want to set me up with a great guy?
Yeah... it wouldn't me either.

So... I have kinda walked away from dating.
It makes me sad because deep down I want to find someone and have a great relationship... I just don't know how to fix the hurt and the fears to get there.
So... instead I'm changing how I view things... I'm living my life... Just me and my boys and soaking up every second of it.

"...and you'd think that would be a depressing thought... that there's no end to all of the... I don't know.
...that it doesn't get easier, that it just gets different.
But it's not. It's not. It's the opposite of depressing... there's a relief in it. 
Life is complex. 
There's nothing simple or easy about it. 
So I can stop waiting for it...
I can stop waiting... and I can just live."
~Private Practice

I'm surprised I have had time to sleep

You'd think around this time of the year I would know to slow down and to say no... but instead it seems to be just the opposite.
Here's the last four days in a nutshell:
Thur. Night 
Went to a friend's house for a bonfire and cookout.
Intended to stay an hour... stayed three.
Ended up being up till midnight baking cakes.

Friday
Day off from school.
Intended to sleep in.
Got a prank text from my bestie's husband at 7:30 am!!!!
Couldn't fall back to sleep. UGH!!
Cake decorated for a Sesame Street themed party.

Got done just in time to head to my friend, Ellie's birthday dinner and then out to watch The Lucky One with Zac Efron.(Okay... I didn't watch it with him... he is just in it... not that I would have minded it ;)
Swoon!

(This doesn't classify me as a cougar, right?  I mean 24 is a respectable age, right? :)


Saturday
I was supposed to get up at 4 am and go photograph the sunrise with a photography group, but I just couldn't get bring myself to get up at that time.

Instead I got up at 6am and spent the day watching my boys and their friends play ball. (A much better sacrifice for sleep)

They played their little hearts out and got beat every game.
By the end of the day, we all needed some relaxation, so we decided to have a cookout with the whole team.
I volunteered to bring dessert. (Hey... it's what I do.)
I got home and realized that I had LOTS of left over cake scrapes but not much else.
So I grabbed my cake scraps... looked up how to make ganache and stopped by the store for cool whip and strawberries.
To say it turned out wonderful, would be an understatement... one of the moms coined it "Heaven"

Sunday
When the alarm went off at 6 am again I was starting to wonder what happened to my wonderful weekend??
I made to the ball game on time and am proud that we play with families that are Christian. We had a quick devotion before the boys played since we all would be missing church.
The boys got taken to the cleaners.
It was UGLY!!
I can't say I was disappointed though... because I then had the rest of my Sunday to me!

Okay... I lie.  I thought I would... until I remembered ALL of the stuff that I have to do this week...
So, instead, I ran all over town price comparing basketball goals.
Found one.
Bought one.
Store guys put it in my car...
Drive home.
Hmmmm... no store guys to lift it out of my car...
No neighbors around on an early Sunday afternoon.
So I did it.
Yep, little ol' me... all by my lonesome.
(Of course, my retired neighbor, Johnny, got home just as I finished sliding it into place.)

I wish I could say my week is going to slow down... but me sitting here sharing with all of you has been the most I have sat down. Not that I'm complaining... just don't expect to see me around till this time next week. :)

a little past shining through

I remember as a kid my mom staying up half the night right before Easter to finish my Easter dress.
It happened every year.

Things like that make me wish I had a daughter...

So in remembrance of my momma... I made this for my niece Gracie...

But I didn't end there... no, I couldn't leave my new nephew, Jackson out.
So...My late night, night before Easter sewing project was this...

I guess even though my momma isn't around to see it... a little of her is being passed on

The truly important things

State testing begins next week.
My house is a mess.
My lawn is only mowed because the neighbors took pity on me.
But none of that matters ...because this little one decided to grace my family with his presence this week.

This is Jackson, my nephew.

I worried about if I could love him as much as I love my niece, Gracie. She has such a special place in my heart.
But this is all it took to win me over.

He looks just like my brother, Nick. (which I love)

Nick and I joked that we have good strong family genes... I mean have you seen my son, Colby??  Spitting image of me! :)

The boys, of course, loved him immediately as well.

I was so happy that I got to be there to see Gracie meet him for the first time... such a special moment and I was glad I was allowed to be part of it.

This couldn't have happened without my wonderful sister-in-law LeaAnn... the only person that I know that is gorgeous after having babies.

So... who cares that the rest of my life is in disarray??  I think everything is perfect right now.