Wednesday, May 6, 2009

What's in the water in KC???

Yesterday, I headed to Kansas City with my friend Laura so we could go to a to a writing conference today. It was Cinco De Mayo, so we decided to go out last night for a few hours. A friend of mine suggested we go to the Power and Lights District of KC. Laura, nor I, had never been so we decided "What the heck?"

I have to say I really was impressed with the Power and Lights district. It is an area where they check your ID before entering (so there are not minors) and then you are free to roam around the open area and from bar to bar (without giving up your drink :) There are tons of cops around, so you feel safe, but they aren't there heckling people - just making sure you are safe.

However... (yes, this is where I describe the weird/strange/alternate universe occurrences) the people there were....(How do I say this?)....from a freak show! I am not normally a critical person... but this was just TOO much!

The first bar we went into there were these obesely over weight people moshing up against each other. I would describe it as a train wreck - you don't want to look, but...

Then, we headed out to the open court. We saw some people playing with fire. I say playing because they were supposed to be fire twirlers, but the guy kept dropping his pole that was on fire. I realize everyone has to start somewhere, but you would think they would want to be somewhat good before doing it in public.

The second bar we went into had stripper poles on the bar ~ that should have been our first clue! They were having good drink specials, so we stuck around... and enjoyed the "show".

To start things off, there were LOTS of little people there...wearing shirts that said. "Got Midgets?" and if that wasn't bad enough, I was one of the tallest people in the bar and I'm not counting the Midgets! I mean, I know being 5'8" is a pretty good height, but when I am taller than 90% of the women and men something is seriously wrong!!

And there was this really drunk chick that wanted to climb the stripper pole, but couldn't, so she had her friends push her up the pole.

Then there was this overly tan gay guy that was watching people dance on the bar. Then it was if something possessed him and he couldn't help himself. He pushed through the crowd, jumped up onto the bar, and cleared one end of the bar (of people) so he would have enough dancing space. He was totally into himself. The funny part was...after a while, this middle aged woman decided he was just too much, that she must partake and she got up and started dancing behind him. Not sure he ever noticed.
Someone who seemed to notice everyone though was this guy at the end of the bar that all the girls were giving lap dances to. I'm not exactly sure why though. He was NOT good looking in the least...In fact, he reminded me of a salivating dog. He mouth dropped open. Panting.

The bar held a "Hottest Body" contest. Two not-so-hot blonds decided to kiss which (for some reason) made them win.... but not before one of the midgets decided to join in the contest and pulled off his pants to reveal a shiny metallic blue thong banana hammock.
That was our cue to leave.
Of course, we couldn't leave before seeing the man with knees as big as my waist (I'm not kidding!!!!) or the woman who seriously could have played the witch from Snow White with her crooked nose and her jutting chin.

Let me just tell you ~ we were only out for 2 hours... yes, 2 hours!!!!

The next morning we passed by a bus that stated that KC's city water was voted #1... well, I'm sorry, but if their water has ANYTHING to do with what I saw last night, I'm NOT drinking it!!!!

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