Tuesday, May 12, 2009

difficult times

I know my youngest is a difficult child... he always has been. As a baby he wouldn't let anyone outside of our immediate family hold him without screaming. He continued his rampage well into year two and three.

Last fall, when he headed to school, we knew it would be well out of his comfort zone. We eased him in by letting grandma go along with him. As we weaned grandma away, Sam slowly broke out of his refined shell of needing things exactly his way all the time. Along the same time we potty trained him, took away his sippy cup, and made him start sleeping in his own bed nightly - a LOT of changes for a little boy, but necessary ones as well.

However, still today when things get too stressful for him, he has kicking, screaming fits. I deal with these by putting him in the other room and closing the door. He normally strips his bed of all of his stuffed animals, pillows, and sheets. When he calms down, he is always ready to put things back in order and come join the rest of us as though nothing ever happened.

I hate these fits. They truly upset me. They make me feel like a bad mom - like "why can't I control this child of mine?" After having a happy-go-lucky child like Colby, it is hard to see your second-born act in such a manner. It doesn't make me love Sam any less though~ He is mine no matter what(no matter how he acts.)

However, it is putting a strain on my relationship with Spencer. He feels like I coddle Sam. That because Sam throws these unbelievable fits, something should be done. He tells me that I drop everything (even conversations) when my children beckon, and he's not sure my life has room for him. I was floored when he told me this.

See, I feel like I am a very understanding, giving person who tries to put everyone first before me...and this does include Spencer. My children, however, are my world. There has been so much happen in my life and I know life is bearable because I know I will always have the love of my children even if no man ever decides to love me unconditionaly again.

I also know this is all part of blending two families...I know that these hard conversations have to happen so that there are no regrets and no questions later... I just wish the source of them wasn't my son.

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