Sunday, November 3, 2013

Torn between two worlds

This weekend, Ty (the guy I'm dating) and R. (my ex) both had family weddings. For R., it was his little sister.... who I have known since she was 7. For Ty, it was his dad... who has FULLY embraced me into his family. (For those of you that know me, know I don't have a relationship with my own dad... so dad relationships are important to me.)

I struggled which event I should attend.

I was told by friends that without a doubt, I should be going with Ty.  The only problem with that was that I was making the wedding cakes for R.'s sister and had to be there delivering them RIGHT when Ty's dad's wedding started and my boys were in the wedding party.  Plus, R.s family is still my family.  (The unfortunate part is that it is family that I really don't get to see any more...) So I had decided to just go to R.s.

The night before the weddings, I was supposed to be cake decorating.  Both families had rehearsals and rehearsal dinners.  I decided to take a break from cake decorating (time I didn't really have to give up) to go to Ty's family's dinner.  I got a lot of "Oh! I didn't think you were going to be able to make it! I'm so glad you're here!!"  Needless to say, it made me feel good... but at the same time, I regretted not being able to be at the wedding.

Last night, I attended R's sister's wedding.  They loved the cakes.  I loved being able to see my boys take part in their aunt's wedding.  I loved seeing her awesome reactions - because she doesn't hold back how she is feeling... and neither does her new hubby.  I loved seeing all of R.'s family - They were my family for 10+ years and I miss them!!  Needless to say, I was happy that I was there...

...but at the same time, I felt like a third wheel.  R.'s girlfriend was there... and even though her and I get along great... Family picture time was MORE than awkward. I mean, I didn't jump into a picture with just him and the boys... but when they said "Okay, let's get a picture of the whole family." I didn't step up.  Then they were like, "Dawn, you too!"  Then at dinner, they said, "These tables are reserved for family"... Did that include me??  I honestly didn't know.  So I sat at the kid's table with my boys... and sat back and watched the adult conversation at the next table, feeling even more like I didn't belong.

I'm not sure I made the right choice...
I'm not sure I made the wrong choice...
I'm not sure there was a right choice.

But what I am sure of is that I was torn... and I have a feeling this won't be the last time.

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