Girls Weekend 2014

This is the first Girls' Weekend without Kel M.
I wasn't sure how it was going to go.
In fact, right before we left, I was willing to back out.

We decided to go to Eureka Springs (even though the boys and I had just been there)... Kel M. had always mentioned wanting to go there and it just had never happened.

We stayed at the Pointe West Motel on Beaver Lake.  Even though the rooms were nothing to call home about, we got to witness this daily.

Our girls' weekend normally consist of us sitting by the pool. napping, and then going out on the town.  Again, I wasn't sure how things would be...

So we started out with what we knew... the pool.

And, of course, laughter ensued... 

I'm pretty sure the hammock sank ALL the way to the ground!! 

But that has never stopped us.

We laid out by the pool and napped the afternoon away.

By the time we were ready to head into town, the sun was setting again.

We didn't realize that Eureka was a town that went to bed early (unless it is the weekend).

So we found ONE store open.

We were just being casual browsers, 

when the sales manager came and asked if we needed help...

...Or some pie.

We picked pie.

Seriously... He gave us pie!! LOL

We then hung out with him for the next hour.
(Kel M. would have loved that!!)

The next day we went for pizza and massages.

That night we headed out on the town to celebrate our friend Kel.

We cheers to her life and her laughter and our friendship and our loss.

And somehow, with puffy eyes and tear stains...

I guess I still have it...

Cause on our way out, a guy stopped me and asked where we were going...

because he had shots in hand that he had just bought us...

and he said, "Because you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen."

Yep.  Kel would be proud that I haven't lost my touch 

of getting the whole group a free drink without even trying. ;)

I may have the last name as them... But...

I don't know why I have struggled so much this summer.
Maybe it's because my ex is having a baby...
Maybe it's because I don't know my place or role anymore...
You see...
My boys have gone on a 2 week family vacation with my ex and his WHOLE family.
Vacations I used to go on.
Places I used to go to.
Family I used to see.

And even though R's family has been tremendous to not exclude me in most things, the truth is I'm an outsider... and will forever more be an outsider.

I have no desire to be back with R.  Please don't think that.
I just miss that I'm missing out on adventures and family time... with a family that I dearly love.

In my corner

My parents divorced when I was 7.
My father was an abusive man to my mother.
I grew up believing in strong women and not needing a man in my corner.

I married not having the self confidence of a pre-pubescent girl and I tried to believe that the man I had (slowly, begrudgingly, completely) fallen for would be in my corner. But, in the end, he was not.  He had his own and followed it out of our marriage.

So here I am many years later...
Fearful to give my all to any man because I don't see them ever being fully in my corner.

...However...
...There is this one man...

This man is the father mine was not.
This man thanked God for sending him a second child (me) in the form of a high school student.
This man stood firm to try to help me save my marriage and then stood beside me when I said it couldn't be.
This man was at the birth of both of my children and has quietly let his presence be known as their Papa.
This man has listened to my struggles and has offered support time and time again.

But best of all...
I know he is in my corner.

Our mini vacation

This has a been a crazy busy summer!!
I love to take my boys and get away on vacations, but this just didn't seem like it was in the cards for us this year.
To start out, my a/c decided to give up its last leg.  I have been repairing it for the last 4 summers or so and it just couldn't make it any farther... so there goes a LOT of money!!

I'm taking classes for my masters this summer, so that has limited my time and then I am also tutoring 2 days as week.

All of this put together, is not a good 'get away' recipe...

But I just HAD to.
I needed to feel like I ACTUALLY experienced summer.

So, I rescheduled my tutoring and the boys and I left town for 3 days.

Colby got car sick on our way down (which has never happened before)...
Here is a pic just seconds before he puked on these stairs. LOL

To calm his stomach, we walked around for a while...  we turned the corner and I was sent back 20 years.  Yes, the last time I was here was in high school with my best friend, Erin.  We sat in this park and watched the eccentric locals - One I remember specifically was a high school boy dressed in a bright red long tailed marching band coat.

Erin and I also shopped in this store... Funny how some things don't change.

After Colby's stomach settled down, we got a quick bite to eat. (He's still a little green in this pic)

Then we headed out of town toward our cabin... 

This is the road that lead to it... the first sign of peacefulness and relaxation.

It had horseshoes for the boys to play.

An a HUGE yard, for baseball (of course)

And while they enjoyed themselves doing that... I enjoyed myself doing this.

We did find this little friend's home while we were out exploring.

Thankfully, he didn't live TOO close to us!

The first night we headed to the Great Passion Play.

I remember my mom bringing my brothers and I here when we were kids... 

So, it was nice to pass on this tradition to my boys.

The setting sun just added to it!!

Wednesday we headed into town.  

Colby had mentioned this 100' lookout tower several times and asked if we could stop.

Needless to say, Sam with his fear of heights was not exactly thrilled.

However, I was happy that the sign said it was FREE that day!

Reluctantly, Sam climbed... and would NOT stand up. LOL

So, we had to pose squatting for Sam. LOL

Colby, on the other hand, was extremely happy to be up that high!

So pretty esp for a July day!

After we went up 3 times, THEN Sam decided to go up and stand up.

Notice where I took the picture from??  Yep. This Momma was too tired for a 4th trip.

 We had heard wonderful things about Ermilio's ... only to find it closed for lunch.

What a blessing in disguise!  Because it was closed, we stumbled upon Oscar's Cafe.

It turned out to be our favorite thing all week.

I had the peach, brie, prosciutto salad. Delicious!

Sam tried out the waffle with sour cream and jam.

Colby had the chicken cranberry salad.

We then headed to the Turpentine Creek Wildlife Rescue.

We saw lions...

...and tigers...

  ...and bears. OH MY!

Actually this bear I think wanted to eat Sam.  He would huff and anytime Sam would turn away from him, he would charge the fence.  It was funny and scary all in one!!

Look at these scary creatures!!

That evening we did do back to Ermilio's for dinner...

... but what is a vacation without s'mores??

So we built a quick fire and made some.

The next day, we got up and hiked along the Beaver Lake.

Our hike was quick because it started to look like rain.

Colby bought this walking stick at the wildlife refuge.  He had to include it in our picture. LOL

We got a quick bite before leaving town.  This sign seemed appropriate for our mini vaca. 

Our last stop on our way home was Onxy Cave.

It was a self guided audio tour.

 It was interesting to be the only ones down there.

Any time I get to spend with my boys is a good time though!!!

Hungry bear

I'm not normally a b*tch.
Really, I'm not.

But, all bets are out the window when I get hungry.
Yes, I should wear a shirt like this:

To my boys, I call it my "Hungry Bear"
I say, "I'm sorry I growled at you... it's my Hungry Bear coming out. We'd better find Momma some food soon!"

But last night, my hungry bear came right at the right time!!
You see...I love my brother and my sister-in-law(SIL) but they are still living in my house which I am doing my best to not lose it.
So when my SIL said, "Hey, we have an option of my mom moving here on Friday... What do you think?"
I went off!!

You see... normally I would have hem-hawed around the topic and told her I would think that wouldn't have been best...that them finding their own house first would be ideal..

But instead, she caught me when I was about an hour late for supper and my hungry bear was in full force...
So, my response was, "No! Absolutely not!!  Unless you actually want to pay rent here. NO!"

I have to say I was actually proud of myself... and glad for my hungry bear for once.

Who defines what "league" you are in anyways??

For those of you that know me... and I mean really know me, know that I am still sometimes surprised when guys use the words "hot" and "sexy" to describe me.

I guess you could say, I grew up as the ugly duckling...
I was never ugly... but I viewed myself as the "sweet" girl.
... and guys don't normally go for that. (at least not in my mind)

What I didn't understand was that it had nothing to do with being sweet... it had to do with being shy, which in turn made it hard for guys to get to know me.

Since my divorce, I have forced myself to shove off that shyness.  Through years of observation (people watching), I know how to talk and interact with others... basically I never meet a stranger now.

The funny thing about being "confident" is that guys tell me things that when I was shy I would have never heard... And sometimes make it hard to believe they are actually talking about ME!

One of the guys that contacted me the previous weeks told me this:
him: Sometimes I think you're my one that got away..
me: Nope. Things happen for a reason.
him: U know I had crazy respect for u... kinda thought u were out of my league
me: what?!?
him: Yep, I did... hot and had it all together... little intimidating
me: I *so* don't have it all together
him: I really thought so... guess no one does
me: Nope. Really we're all just dorks perceiving others greater than us. LOL

And I really do believe that...
I mean who is it that defines these "leagues" anyways??
...Besides ourselves.
It is really a defining how we place ourselves in the scheme of things.

I guess I will try to remember that going forward in the dating world - another dork (like me) is just trying to find a league of their own.