I cannot even begin to express the gamut of emotions that I have gone through this evening.
I felt elated when I arrived home from a 3 day conference today and as soon as Colby saw me he came over and pressed his head into my core... like he was trying to be part of me. It made me feel loved and I secretly was glad he missed me as much as I missed him.
I felt anxious and nervous when Colby's team battled for 3 hours in a neck and neck ball game that went into extra innings. The adrenaline was DEFINITELY pumping!! (and you could tell because my legs could NOT stop bouncing!)
I felt angry when the umpires continuously made bad calls which eventually lost us the game. (You know the saying - The Power of One??? Yeah... well, THIS ONE had TOO much power!!)
I felt sorry for the boys because they took this lost hard. They had given their all (It was seriously the best game I have ever seen them play.) and they were all so emotional afterwards.
I felt upset and frustrated that Ty and I argued... and then he didn't want to talk about it before going to bed. (I'm not one that can sleep soundly when things are laying on my heart and brain.)
I felt shocked and stunned when Kelly's sister called. She only has my number for emergencies... she is ONLY supposed to call if Kelly is NOT doing well.
I felt heartache and confusion and numbness and many other emotions I can't even begin to tell you because Kelly's sister told me that she may not make it through the night.
Now I feel helpless. There is nothing I can do. Not for Kelly. Not for her family. Not for me... besides pray. The tears won't stop falling. The sleep won't come. My prayers come out as begging and pleads.
I want to feel tranquility. I want to know that Kelly is okay and Ty is okay and Colby and his teammates are okay... So I can feel okay.
Surfing Sunday 07.15
4 days ago