Tonight I go to bed with a sick stomach... for tomorrow I bury a friend

I can't even imagine what tomorrow is going to be like...
I couldn't go to the visitation tonight.
I couldn't go and try to come up something to say when there is nothing to say when a beautiful 38 year old is dead.
I couldn't go and see her 2 boys.
I couldn't go and see her husband who she married just a year and a half ago.
I couldn't go and see her sisters that I have spent hours on the phone comforting.

But mainly I couldn't go because my friend is gone... and I miss her.
...and I knew I couldn't sit through seeing her lifeless body and contain the emotions that I have been letting flow only behind closed doors.

Tomorrow I will be there... to do all the things I could not go and do today...