No, the godfather didn't send me

Back in September when I first showed my students my cake decorating site, one of my students, J., exclaimed, "Oh. my. gosh! You are so making me a horse cake for my birthday!!

Now let me just tell you... I am around third graders ALL the time.  They tell you things and most of the time it is one of those things that you smile and nod and take it with a grain of salt.

Well... come October during Parent/Teacher conferences, J's mom says, "J has talked and talked and talked about you and your amazing cakes.  She wants you to do her birthday cake."

This is where my do-I-mix-my-two-jobs?? internal conundrum comes in.  So I politely handed her my card and told her to not feel obligated.

J. kept on and on.  She definitely did not let her parent or me forget that she wanted her cake made by me.

So, this week, it finally happened.

She was SO happy!!

Sidebar: when shopping for chocolate licorice for horse hair, look at your local Target first, NOT the specialty candy store... you will save about $5. Lesson learned the hard way.

It's a love/hate thing

I love that Ty loves me and takes care of me.
I love that he is so caring and sweet, yet rough and tumble with my boys.
I love that he checks in. (I need that)
I love that he does sweet little things that others might take for granted... but not me.

But I hate that he sometimes reminds me of Spencer.
...I hate that sometimes my brain can not think of his name and replaces Spencer's name in the void that is there.
I hate that my hurt heart doubts the time that passes... and wonders when he, too, will walk away leaving me blindsided.
I hate that I am up worrying about something that hasn't (nor may ever) come to fruition.

Oh give thanks...

Day 1 - People will be here in four days. MUST. start. cleaning.
Day 2 - All toilets have been scrubbed. All towels and bed sheets have been washed. Three days - SO much to do!
Day 3 - Go home sick from work. Running a fever. Aches. Sore throat. Head to the doctor. Two days - gonna take that long to get well.
Day 4 - Bake pies... take naps in between. One day to go. Make children vacuum and put dishes away.  Decide a spotless house is overrated.
Day 5 - Guests arrive. Feeling better. Sheets are back in the washer in hopes to NOT get visitors sick. Eat TOO much food. Stay up half the night shopping.
Day 6 - Entertain guests.  Unload and reload the dishwasher 3 times. Hope that some of this food leaves with them. Wish for a nap.
Day 7 - Everyone showers, eats, and packs up. Say your goodbyes. Sit down in a house with a sink of dirty dishes, a laundry room full of dirty towels and sheets, a refrigerator full of leftovers you don't want to eat.

Yep. LOTS to be Thankful for.

The change I was looking for

This weekend, my ex, R. and I rode together to Colby's, our son, basketball game.

Some might find this strange.
Others might find it commendable.

Whichever way you swing, it doesn't matter to me.  Or to R for that matter.
We are both glad to be in a place that things are great in our separate lives ...and in the life that still connects us.

We had a conversation though that made me mad and sad all in one.
I told him how it really hurt me that he didn't value me and our relationship back when we were together.
That he put baseball (and everything else for that matter) before me.
That I was SO happy for him and K. (his girlfriend) but I didn't understand why he didn't value our relationship like he did theirs.

He told me that he was sorry and that it was ALL him... that he has changed a lot over the years and has learned many things - one of those things being where relationships lie in his priorities.

I, being the sometimes self-deprecating person that I am, turned it back on myself.

Did he not value me because I didn't value me??

I have always been a positive person, but high on self esteem, I have not.
When relationships have failed and guys have treated me like sh*t, I have always viewed it as something I did or didn't do.
But maybe it wasn't the doing but the being that resulted in my treatment.

I have come to a place in my life where if you don't want to treat me well, I don't need you...whether it be friends, co-workers, or boyfriends.

I haven't been in this place long.
Less than a year, actually.

But in this year, I decided it was better to be happy alone than to be stressed together with someone.

And, strangely enough, like people always say - When you stop looking, you will find someone.
But I don't think it was so much in me not looking, as it was changing what I was looking for.

And so far, what I have found is happiness and a sense of self I have never had before.

The weekend I got old

Fifty years from now, I will sit my grandchildren upon my lap and tell them many stories... One might include this one - the weekend I got old.

I didn't see it coming...

First a headache.
Then my shoulder hurt.
Next my elbow.

I couldn't sleep... or I slept too much.

I hurt.
My only prediction of why I hurt...
I must be old.

We're on a field trip... we left our brains at school

We went on a field trip today.
Here are some of the crazy things I heard my students say:

While running around the playground where we stopped for lunch - "Come on!  Maybe there's some fresh air over here!" (We live in a rural area where there is nothing BUT fresh air.)

Standing in the OUTSIDE pavilion after lunch -  "Can I go outside and play?"

From my 80 lb 3rd grader RUNNING up to me at the bottom of the hill as we head up the hiking trail. - "I can't walk any farther, I twisted my ankle. Can you carry me?"

My students love me... even if they don't follow directions

At the beginning of every school year, I walk my students through what they should do in certain situations.  One of those situations is what they should if they feel like they are going throw up.

I tell them that I am a "sympathy puker". If I see puke, I puke too.

Then I tell them if they feel sick, to grab the nearest trash can, and get out the door.
I'll figure out what they are doing.

Sickness has been running rampant in my classroom.
Today, while I'm holding a reading group, one of my boys starts shouting, "Don't look over here Ms. T!!  Whatever you do don't look over here!!"

Of course, when a student is yelling that your natural inclination is to look.
"What? What is going on?" I asked.
"Beth puked... but don't look over here, we don't want you to get sick too!"

Ahhh... so they were listening... and they do care.

Now to get the janitor in here to clean the puke off my floor...

Sugar and Spice and everything nice...and maybe a little glitter

Carli rushed at me and squealed.
A pitch that only a little girl could create.
Then she wrapped her whole self around me and squeezed.
My day was made!
I was hoping I would get to see her today.
It is her birthday.
...and Ty wasn't supposed to have her today... she was supposed to spend the day with her mom.
Plans changed.

When Ty told me, I got a little giddy-up to my step.
I can honestly say I love that girl.
She's not mine.
...and yes, I am just dating her dad.
But Carli and I have such a bond...
and I love it!

I baked her a cake. (duh.)
She wanted her dog Chocolate to be on it, so he was.

Then she wanted to do glitter tattoos. (something she got for her birthday.)
How could I say no??

I think I sport glittery stars quite well.
Yeah... I know you're jealous! ;)

We'll leave the light on for you... or maybe not

#422 Things they didn't tell you before becoming a mom - You will have to find cheaper insurance because the other is breaking the bank.

#423 Things they didn't tell you before becoming a mom - You will pick the insurance that is called "The Well Child" insurance because overall your children are fairly healthy... that and because it would save you the most money. (The catch though is you only have 3 covered doctor's visits.)

#424 Things they didn't tell you before becoming a mom - Your child will get things that will completely gross you out... and could infect the whole family - i.e. pinworms.

#425 Things they didn't tell you before becoming a mom - You will go to the doctor saying you have been infected to save from using one of your son's three visits because you know the doctor will treat the whole family.
...and on that said visit you check into the doctor's office at 4:15.
You are sent into a room at about 4:45.
You wait patiently until 5:25.
Then you decide to check on how MUCH longer...

...except when you walk out... all of the lights are out...
...except for one room across the hall where the door is slightly open and conversation is going on...
You start to walk to the room when a nurse sees you, jumps up, and rushes to the door.
She pulls the door closed behind her and says, "The doctor will be with you shortly." and directs you back into your room.

Only what the nurse doesn't know is YOUR mom was a nurse... and in that split second... you saw the WHOLE staff getting their nightly debriefing.
...which tells you, you were forgotten about.

Yeah... being a mom isn't always easy.