Friday, November 26, 2010

As I celebrate, I also mourn

I bought a new car today.
I have been saving for this car for the past 3 years.
I have looked and test drove and haggled.
Finally today, I bought...
yes... a shiny, silvery, smelling good car.

Yet as I drove this new car off the lot, my eyes weld up with tears.
For I will be leaving a dear friend behind.
My red Chevy Cavalier.
My very first and only brand new car.
It was the showroom floor car.
It only had 26 miles on it when I drove it off the lot.
I bought it as a graduation present to myself. (of course it came with 5 years of payments... but they were my payments)
It (still to this day) has birdseed lodged in it from my wedding.
It brought both of my babies safely home from the hospital.
It was the only thing I could say was definitely mine before my divorce was final.
It served me well over the past 12 years and 207,000 miles.

I would be lying if I said that I didn't shed a tear and have a tightness in my chest as I drove away...for this new car:
... doesn't have a fancy story about how it came about to be mine.

... even though it is shiny and new, doesn't give me the comfort my old car did.
...sits in the spot my Cavalier once did and that is hard to get used to.

I would have never guessed on the day I finally got my new car, this is how I would feel.

3 comments:

  1. The Chevy Cavalier is the first car my tattoo girl had. We bought it for her at age 16. It had 130, miles on it. She has had it 5 years and still runs like a champ.

    but
    New cars are always nice. Love that new car smell.
    Congrats!

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  2. Hi Dawn,

    Congrats on the new car...also I hear you re independence. There is something about paying for something yourself, in it being your responsibility and it not being beholden to anyone else for it that is...empowering but also so tightly binds it to you that it is often very difficult to let go of.

    Hope you've had a good weekend.

    ReplyDelete
  3. You'll make new memories with your new addition. I know hearing that doesn't make the loss of your old car any easier. But new things are to come, and they will be good.

    ReplyDelete

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