Cold Computer

Tonight Sam was downstairs on the computer playing online games . Next thing I know, he is by my side.

Me: You done?
Sam: No... the computer's cold.
Me: I know it is cold down there, by the computer, just cover up with that blanket, okay?
Sam: No, Mom, the computer is cold!
Me: What?

I head downstairs. His game has locked up my computer.

Me: Oh! The computer is frozen!
Sam: Oh...frozen.

Just the wrong synonym...He knew what he was talking about! LOL

25 Random Things About Me

1. If I wasn't a teacher I would want to be a professional photographer
2. My favorite shows are Big Brother, Greys, Private Practice, and Pushing Daisies
3. I don't care what kind of car I drive...I just refuse to drive a mini van!
4. I've never done a single drug.
5. I tried a cigarette one time ...and didn't cough or anything... so my friends didn't believe it was my first time.
6. I have dated more men in the last 6 months than I did in all my years prior to being married
7. My children's middle names form my grandfather's name - and it wasn't planned that way
8. I was born in Alaska... and when I had a furry white coat in 5th grade (in Missouri) and the kids called me "Eskimo Dawn"
9. My legs are longer than any of the legs of the men I've dated even though I am shorter than they are.
10. I am the only girl in a family of 4 kids.
11. I knew I wanted to be a teacher when I was 5 years old.
12. I never forgot a broken promise my mom made to me about getting me a horse, so I NEVER promise my boys ANYTHING unless I know I can actually make it happen.
13. I don't care that I'm 5'8", I love wearing shoes that have a good heel to them.
14. I hate it when females point out my skinniness - I am not this way to piss them off
15. I LOVE being surprised!
16. It humors me to sit and listen to other people's conversations.
17. I have a horrible short-term memory...but my long-term memory is without fail.
18. My mom dying when I was 22 changed my life in ways I could have never foreseen.
19. I am a mom to two wonderful boys who are polar opposites of one another...and being a mom to Sam has made me a better teacher.
20. I don't like to re-watch tv shows I have already seen, but own seasons 1-4 of Grey's Anatomy
21. I have loved twice in my life...and both have hurt me...yet I still talk to both almost daily
22. Things like ouiji boards and fortune tellers scare me.
23. The only surgery I have ever had was having my wisdom teeth removed.
24. I like to sing and dance, but normally don't do either one in public.
25. I love having inside jokes where you can just look at a person and laugh because you know what each other are thinking

Beautiful Realization

This morning we were waiting for our morning swap off like we normally do and it just happened to be right at sunrise. "Look Mom!" Colby said pointing to the sunrise. "Maybe that is where God is." "You know what? I think you're right."

The Straw that broke the Camel's back

I lost it today.
and...I had been having such a great day too!
I met up with my ex to give him insurance cards. We sat there and talked - talked like normal people, about normal stuff. No fighting. No yelling. Just talked.

Then he mentioned something that I wrote here on this blog. Now...I know my ex. He doesn't follow blogs. He doesn't Facebook or Myspace. And as I mentioned in a few posts back, someone is not minding their own business.
Well, today I gained new info from him. That this person has gone as far as to call him up to tell him my business, not once, but several times!
I am NOT stupid. I never have been. I considered password protecting my blog. I might still.
I just find it disheartening that I should have to .
Just know if it is you... you are showing how immature you are... and not only do I realize it, but my ex does too!

My crazy dreams

For all of you that thought this post was going to be dreams about my future...I am here to disappoint - not to say that won't be a post some day, just not today.

I have been having some very unusual dreams lately. Here are just 2 from the other night:

The first one took place in the house that I grew up in. I was there with my older brother, Michael. I was stressing over what I was going to dress up as for my friend, Rachel's LOST party~I made a statement that my hair was too short to be any of the characters. Michael told me not to worry that he would take care of it. He had me sit down on the toilet while he messed with my hair. Before I knew it, he was done. I stood up and looked in the mirror. My hair was a poofy angled bob with blond highlights. I went to tell Michael it was nice, but it did not look like any of the LOST characters BUT as I was doing so I started coughing and my voice went raspy. My comment to him then was, "Great! Now I look like and sound like a drag queen!"

I've decided out of the respect of my male readers, I am not going to share my whole second dream... I'll just give you a synopsis. Me visiting my father in a mental institution (which he is not in, in real life) only for them to want to give up my DNA to clone babies to perform tests on to cure mental diseases. Needless to say, I yelled, "Hell no! They're not using my DNA for that!"

I'm not the only one having crazy dreams...My brother, Tim, told me he had one about me having a grasshopper for a baby that he put in a soda cup for safekeeping while he was at the movie theater ~Good Job, Uncle Tim! And then another one about my sister-in-law, LeaAnn, having a baby whose skin kept peeling off. I don't know why his brain is on this baby kick...but those vibes definintely need to be sent LeaAnn's way, NOT mine!

You know what's strange??

The boys and I are driving home together last night and out of the blue Sam says, "Mom, you know what's strange to me?"

me: "No, what's strange to you?"
Sam: "When dad (my ex) kisses Whit (his new girlfriend)."
me: "Why is that strange?"
Sam: "Cause it is."
me: "oh. ok."

I realize my kiddos are going to have to deal with a LOT of things that are strange because of the divorce... and I don't know how to prepare them for it. :(

I don't mind the circus...but I don't care for the juggling

Okay...I don't even know where to start. Since New Year's my life seems like a whirl-wind. I felt like I finally had a (semi) grasp on the whole dating scene.
But, I should know how the universe works ...I should never get to comfortable with a situation...because when I do that is when I get flipped upside down.

My friend, who I spent New Year's with, surprised me last weekend by coming up to see me. During his visit, he told me that he doesn't want to (later in life) wonder "what if?" when it comes to him and I. That he wants to work towards us being together... I reminded him how distance is not kind to us. This is when he told me that his goal is to move up to Branson in about 6 months.
Was I flattered? yes. Did it freak me out? HELL, YES!

See...I had written him off when it came to a dating relationship. We knew that we couldn't do it because of distance and I didn't ever foresee us being at the same place. He kind of took it in offense when I said I couldn't wrap my head around the whole idea.
I sometimes wish I was that star-struck newly divorced gal he met so many months ago...the one that naively held her head high and giddily pursued a new man. I would have nervously, but gladly, told him to come on.
Now, though, I am not star-struck. I am realistic. I believe that if he is meant to move here in 6 months, he will...and if not, I will survive.
Don't get me wrong...I care for the man deeply...but my heart is at risk here.

My girlfriends have seen me hurt. They are good to me~too good, sometimes, I think. So, in attempt to save me from future hurt, they have become my emotional body guards. They give advice. They tell the men I am dating that if they hurt me, THEY will come after him. :) and then, sometimes, they take a stand for me.

One of my girlfriends emailed my friend to ask him what his intentions were with me. He said that his intentions were pure. That he now realized how great of a woman I was and that he wanted to pursue a relationship with me. My girlfriend said some pretty demeaning things(in reference to his intelligence) in response. Which, of course, made my friend mad.

Really! Truly! Dating is stressful enough as is - I don't need fighting too!

Minding your own business

The other night, I was on the phone with my ex talking about stuff to do with our boys when he mentions, "So...why didn't you tell me you had a new boyfriend?"
me: "I don't"
him: "That's NOT what I hear!"
me: "Well, I don't know where you are getting your info, but it is not correct."
him: "Well, I know my info is correct. Maybe you should think about things before you post them on Facebook."
me: "Who do I need to delete? because I will!"
him: "I won't be revealing my sources."

Let me tell you~ I post things on the inter-net knowing that anyone in the world can read it, and I am fine with that. It is when you run to my ex with that knowledge, to tattle MY business, that is bothersome to me.

Love is...

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves."
-- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

I thought I knew what love was. I have had my heart broken...shattered would actually be a better word. So I know I have experienced it and lost it. Being back out in the dating world, love is a hard thing. You want to love again, but in the same sense, you don't want to be hurt again. So you guard yourself against expressing love in its normal sense.

You don't find yourself saying, "I love you". You say "take care" , "be careful driving home", or "I miss you". (But really, these are just other ways of saying "I love you,")

I have said (and heard) these expressions a LOT lately. Would I say I am in love? no ~ that would be opening myself up to being hurt. Would I say I care deeply for someone? yes. Does he know it? yes. Will it lead anywhere? who am I to know.

We are dear friends~ best friends really. We tell each other everything. If I go a day without hearing from him, I wonder and I worry. We spent New Years together. No place would I have rather been. We talked about us possibly moving towards a relationship. We both see that if we lived closer, that there could be a possibility for us, BUT we live in reality. So we take our time together, cherish it, and go back to our lives.

Is this love? Again, who am I to know? But I do know that expressing love is not as easy as it used to be... so, if you are reading this...I miss you.