Goin' a little buggy

It was warm out today... and after a cold winter stint I love to open the windows and allow the fresh spring breeze to blow through. It also prompts me to want to clean out closets...I guess I am one of those "spring cleaners".

Problem is, is that I always have to make a mess before it actually seems clean to me. And with kids, it seems like I get the mess made (of pulling everything out) and not always do I get the job done that day. So...then it sits a mess until I have another "spring cleaning" fit. This kind of drives me batty!

Back in college I used to clean houses. My mom laughed the first house cleaning job I ever got. (She had seen my room all through high school - lol) But cleaning houses was one of those jobs that you could go, do it, and be back in just a couple of hours...that and it paid cash! I guess I liked that, the finality of it. Quick. easy. done.

I wouldn't say that I was "the best", but I was pretty darn good. Anything that my employers would ask me to clean, I would clean. Cause there is something about leaving a clean house. The last house cleaning job I had, I had to quit. Their house was infested with ladybugs. Now, I'm sure you're thinking, "Ahhh, what's wrong with a few measly ladybugs, they're cute." Right? WRONG!

Ladybugs stink to high heaven!

If you don't believe me, try vacuuming a few hundred of them up and see what your house smells like. (Trust me I did, and it stinks!) Or if you ever have held one in you hand or tried to smash one and you get yellow goop on your hands, it is actually the ladybug releasing a little bit of their blood (YUCK!! - that stinks) trying to ward you off as a predator.

I don't want to be considered a ladybug predator. I just want to have a clean house...a clean ladybug-free house.

So...when I saw one on my screen today...I hope the neighbors didn't think I was crazy as I yelled, "GET AWAY FROM MY HOUSE!" as I flicked it off my screen.

Found: 33 white woman...answers to the name of Dawn

Okay...so here it goes. I promised you I would tell you about getting lost.
Let me start out by saying that I am horrible with verbal directions! Write it down for me and I will look at it 50 times before I arrive there. Take me there and I will be able to get there 10 years from now.

With that being said, Spencer and I went shopping at the outlet mall in San Marcos. This mall is HUGE! It has 140 outlet stores! With that being said, we parked and started to walk to stores. However, it was a chilly night for (what I would consider) Texas standards, and so, in turn, we kept having to move the truck so we wouldn't freeze. (okay we really weren't going to freeze...but who wants to walk around when its cold...really?)
Well...we had been looking for the Polo store and again we needed to move the truck (this was about the 5th time). So, Spencer said why don't you go on to the Polo store and I'll move the truck and meet you there. We asked for directions. The sales lady told us it was about 5 stores down. (See...this is where everything went horribly wrong) When the sales lady said 5 stores down, I thought she meant to the south. She was meaning across the street and 5 stores to the east. (I told you - this place is HUGE!)
Somehow, Spencer knew what she meant...I did not(even though at the time I didn't know, I didn't know)
So, Spencer says, "I'll meet you there."
"Okay." I head 5 stores to the south. No Polo store. I walk back, thinking I missed it. No Polo Store. I walk back south again going farther than 5 stores. No Polo store.

I reach into my purse to call Spencer to tell him that sales woman did not know what she was talking about. No phone....I then remember that after the last call I made, I had laid it in the console of Spencer's truck.

I panic! I don't know any one's phone #'s any more - they are all programed into my phone. I don't know the last names of the people we are staying with. I can't find Polo and I have NO idea where Spencer (my only transportation) is!

I started by going back to stand in front of the store where we asked for directions. (This is what my Mom always told us to do as kids.) I can honestly I was too panicky - I didn't stand there for long. I then went walked across the street (east) and down a few stores (south) and asked for directions to Polo again. "Oh. you're close, but you're not there yet. Go back (north) and then to the left (east)" As I came sprinting out of that store I see Spencer headed back to where he last left me. I hollered at him.
"Where have you been??? Why didn't you answer your phone or my texts?" he asked.
"I was lost...and I forgot my phone in your truck."

Needless to say, we weren't in the mood to shop after that. I can honestly say that I have lost my child before and I was scared...but nothing like I was when I was lost and didn't feel like I had any way of finding someone I knew.

Henry David Thoreau said, "Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves."
I understand myself completely now...I don't like to be lost!!!

My trip across Texas ~or~ 1600 miles should do me for a while

I don't know why, but I have always like to pile together things that normal people would separate with time as much as possible, like:

*In a week's time (back in May of '99), I interviewed for a job, got it, closed on our house, moved into our house, got married, and graduated from college.

~OR~

*Again in a week's time(in May '03), celebrated Colby's 2nd birthday, closed on a house, moved into our new house, and gave birth to Sam.

I'm going to tell you that I did not have any life changing events happen this weekend...want to set some people's minds at ease before I even start my story...I know some of you are already out there talking marriage for me...well, I can tell you I am not there yet! Not even close!

What I am alluding to is that the distances I traveled this weekend (1600 miles to be exact) are probably NOT distances most would set about on to cover in 2 and a half days...but I figure, you only live once, right?

So this weekend, when Spencer needed to travel to New Braunfels, TX (which is a 7 hour drive one way from him in Kilgore, TX), I thought, "Well, he shouldn't have to do that alone." So I drove 7 hours down to him, jumped into his truck, and we drove another 4 hours to his friends, Mike & Maggie's house in Missouri City, TX to spend the night.

Mike and Maggie are a great couple! They are from Canada (which we won't hold against them ~ They know I am joking!! :) They have a one year old son, Bryce, who is sooo freakin' cute! And they have a gorgeous house that they were kind enough to allow us to crash at.

We had plans to get up and head out fairly early to New Braunfels, but this changed when Mike talked Spencer into riding their motorcycles the rest of the way. So the guys unloaded Spencer's bike, fiddled around with it, only to come inside and look at the radar and see storms coming. So then they loaded it back into Spencer's truck, just before it decided to downpour. Maggie and I joked that we knew this was going to be the result all along...we just had to let the boys realize it for themselves. ha!

So we ended up leaving around 1:30 instead of like10:30. This put us into New Braunfels at 4:30 just before the Aprilia shop closed. (the whole reason for going!)

After dropping Spencer's bike off at the Aprilia shop, we stopped at the Faust hotel. Spencer had stayed there before and had told me about it. We thought we would just walk inside and look around, boy, were we wrong! We walked inside the brewery/bar. A well-suited middle aged gentleman greeted us. Spencer asked if we could just walk upstairs to look around. He said the it was against hotel policy...BUT that he would be more than happy to show us around! A half an hour of stories later, we left knowing everything about the Faust, this gentleman's life and all of his "big name" connections. (Did I mention he turned out to be the PR guy for the hotel?? Go figure, right?)

We then separated from Mike, Maggie, & Bryce and headed to the BIGGEST outlet mall I have ever been too! There were trees filled with birds. It was eerily creepy! Like out of some movie...which is why I think I got lost...I'll save that story for the next posting... I have traveled 1600 miles this weekend and I need to head to bed!

Love is friendship set on fire

Many of you have asked what is going on with my love life. I guess I haven't posted about it in a while because I am officially in a relationship with someone....and I know how the personal seems ultra-personal when you post it for the whole world to see.


If you have been following my blog for a while, the guy I am dating is who I decided I would make a great friend to back in the spring of last year. And I did. We went our separate ways, but stayed in touch. We talked almost daily...sometimes every few days (depending on the girl he was dating and how jealous she was - LOL) But nevertheless, we told each other everything that was happening in our lives...the good, the bad, and the ugly. And do you know what? Because we were friends, it didn't matter. We would give advice before the next date...and help each other analyze how it went after the date was over. We became best friends.


I went and saw him off before he left for his new job in Texas last July. We had fun, like we always have. Between July and December (when I saw him next), I dated a lot. He dated a lot. I had written him off as dating material. Remember...we were friends.


In December, he asked what my Christmas break looked like. I told him to come up any time. He and his kids came up on December 26th. (The same day my brothers had decided to come.) I was fine with it...I'm a really good juggler (as long as it isn't with balls or knives). They spent the whole day with us. (I later found out this made him extremely nervous, but I was happy to have everyone here.) As night rolled around, he said it was time to go. I walked him out to his truck to say goodbye. We hugged...and then he kissed me. It was like someone had electrocuted me. Emotions shot through me. But what was I to say...we were friends.


When I got back inside, my sister-in-law, LeaAnn, said, "Sorry we didn't give you guys some more alone time." I sputtered out, "What? No. No. We're just friends...it's fine." How was she seeing what I was so blind to?


In the commotion of my house, I missed a text from him that said he wished things could have worked out differently for us. I didn't know how to react.


When New Year's rolled around, we both talked about how we didn't have any plans. He then told me that if he wasn't on-call, that he would have been in Branson with me. Really??!! (Again, missing what is right in front of me.) So, I said, "Well, what if I came to you?" "Would you?" he asked. I then started to backtrack. My mind was reeling. He is 7 hours away. Distance is not your friend! But did I want to see him? yes. Did I want some questions answered? yes. Did I want to know if he felt the same way about that kiss as I did? Yes! So I went.

We had a wonderful time. We decided that it would not be smart to have a long-distance relationship.


Okay...Okay...Your probably asking yourself "What? but they are in a relationship, right?"
...and, yes, we are.


The following week, he surprised me by coming up. We talked again about how hard it would be...but that maybe we should give it a go.


A year ago, when we dated, we were both freshly divorced. We both needed healing time. We both needed a friend (especially other than who we were dating). Now, we both are well aware of our independence. But we are also well aware of how having your best friend there is the best thing of all. Now we just have to figure out this distance thing...cause seeing the one you want to be with every other week is doable...it's just not ideal.

Proud Momma

Let me just start by saying that everything that my boys do makes me a proud mom. But tonight showed me that I am definitely raising them right.
I always have the boys help out around the house. I make them pick up their toys when they are done playing. They clear their own dishes from the table. They put away their own socks and underwear. Things I know a 3 and 5 year old can handle.

Tonight I was down checking my email. The boys were downstairs playing. Sam wanted something to drink. Colby said, "Don't worry, Mom, I can get it." Now Colby is almost 6 and he is always wanting to show how big he is. So I said okay.

I hear all of this ruckus going on upstairs. I call up, "Everything going okay?" "We're fine, Mom!"
The noises of clanking glasses and cupboard doors continue. "Are you sure??!!" "Yes!"
After a few more noises, I decide to go investigate.... both boys are in the kitchen working on a puzzle. Sam has his juice cup in hand. Nothing looks to be in disarray.

After I put the boys to bed, I decide I should unload the clean dishes and reload the dishwasher with the supper dishes. I walked up to the sink...only to find it empty. What??!!
I open the dishwasher. It is empty with the exception of the supper dishes.

I walk into Colby's room. "Colb, did you unload and reload the dishwasher?" "Yeah...I thought it would be a nice surprise."

I hugged and kissed him. "It was. It was a VERY nice surprise!"

My future daughter-in-laws will thank me some day...for now I am just a proud mom. :)

Emotions are everywhere!!!

I am so frustrated right now! I don't know if this is because I am PMSing or if is because I really truly don't know where I stand with Spencer SOOO much of the time.

He tells me he loves me and that he cares for me, but then he pulls crap like tonight where he was being really snippy and short with me and when I called him on it, he was like, "Well...you're asking all these questions!" "Well how am I supposed to get the answers if I don't ask the questions?"

It started out with him sitting on the phone with me and not talking...he was surfing on the web. So I told him I would let him go. Why? he wanted to know... I told him I saw no point in me sitting and listening to him surf...basically dead air. "Fine. bye." he said. "No.wait! I wasn't mad, just didn't see the point" " k. bye." Ugggghhhh!!!!!!

I realize that he only got like 3 hours of sleep last night, but that DOESN'T give him the right to be short with me!

So...I will wait till morning...I will wait for an apology...here's me waiting

Dreams vs. reality

Last night Spencer went to a female friend's house to hang out. He runs with her. This shouldn't bother me, but it did. It bothered me because we talked at around 3 pm and then I didn't hear from him again... It was Valentine's day. I was thinking of him...shouldn't he be thinking of me as well??? So finally at around 8:30, I had a financial question so I called him. (yes...it was an excuse to call, but a good one) I could tell he was with a lot of people. I asked my question and then told him I would let him go. (I was hurt.) He told me he would call me later after he left her house.

He called at around 10:30. He explained that there were lots of people there and there was nothing for me to worry about.

Then this morning I had a dream... a dream where Spencer and I were discussing last night. We began to argue. He was telling me that if I couldn't trust him, then maybe we shouldn't be together. (an argument that Robbie and I had many times) I began crying. I woke up crying.

So today I have been in a funk...one that I can't seem to shake. My logical brain is telling me to run now...to save myself from any future heartache and pain...because if I end it now, it will be less painful than if I wait for him to end it in the future...Is this logical thinking??