10 Things My Mom Taught Me

My mom has been gone now for almost 17 years... I have grown up since she left this earth... but she taught me many things about life before she left.

10. Things can be replaced, people can't.
9. It's okay to be goofy sometimes.  You are only as old as you feel -- acting young is not the same as acting immature.
8. A good recipe is worth its weight in gold.
7. Smile with your teeth (and your eyes).
6. Listen -- God gave you two ears and one mouth for a reason.
5. Your family might be weird or drive you crazy sometimes, but they are yours-- accept them proudly.
4.When you give more to others (esp. your children) than to yourself, you don't lose out on anything.
3. Hug, kiss, and tell your children you love them daily.
2. Your greatest legacy will be your children-- make sure you raise them in a way you are proud to speak their names.
1. Create memories... they last longer than things.

Thank you mom!  I love and miss you daily!

Sam is nine!!

My boy, Sam, is nine today!!
He continues to amaze me, and confuse me, and frustrate me, and humor me, and...
Yes, Sam is a complexity.
One minute, he is Mr. Independent-I-Can-Do-It.
The next, it is if his hands have fallen off and he has forgotten how to dress himself.
Of course, he hasn't... but he put on a good show.

This year, he has survived a spleen injury, actually had a teacher that Colby hadn't had, and fully grasped the game of basketball.

He can be sweeter than sweet (as he pulls his fingers through my hair)  and a little devil (if I let him ;)
But he is mine and I love him.

Happy birthday Sam!!

The ties that bind... and choke... and sufficate

I saw friends of mine today who are a couple...
Last year, they went through experiencing infidelity in their marriage.
(Been there, done that.)

I'm proud of them because they have decided to fight for their marriage.

But the changes that I see in them make me worry for their marriage.

You see, they are both outgoing people.  They each have their own interests that take them their separate ways - or at least they used to.

Now, though, they are together all the time.
I mean, I get it.
The one that was cheated on wants to know where their spouse is all the time so the infidelity doesn't happen again. (It was maddening when I would call and call and call R. only for him to nonchalantly be like, "Oh. Well... The game ran late." or "Parents just now picked up their kid." hours after he told me he would be home and he didn't seem to understand why I was going bonkers and thinking he was cheating again.)

I also get that the one that did the cheating wants to prove that nothing is going on... so they only go places when their spouse can join them.

But what I am seeing is that it is killing their marriage... these two happily independent people are now shackled together everywhere they go and even though they are together... it doesn't seem as if they are.

I'm not advocating for divorce... Please don't get me wrong.  I'm just afraid that if things don't change for them... that is where they will end up anyways.

Colby is eleven!

Wow.
It sure doesn't seem eleven years ago...

My little boy has definitely turned into a pre-adolescent this year.
The cuddling has lessened.
The attitude has begun.
But he still makes me the proudest momma on the planet.

Happy birthday son!
Your smile brightens my day.
Your compassion and empathetic huge heart melds with mine.
And your go get 'em spirit is something I hope is never broken.
I love you!

Worries

I awoke yesterday with a pain so great I couldn't breathe...

I had been having a dream.  A dream that my ex, R, and I were in a motel room and we were having an argument. I pushed my elbow into him.  He reached with his hands and put a death grip on my stomach.  He continued to squeeze tighter and tighter... and even though the pain was unbearable, the words that were coming out of my mouth were, "I'm fine. What?!?  Do you think that really hurts?"

(The strange thing about this is things were never physical between R and I)

I looked up the meaning of the words motel, elbow, stomach... and they all sent a resounding message.
Motel=transition
elbow= the need for space
stomach= changes and the acceptance of these changes

On the surface, I look fine.
I get up and I do what I'm supposed to do day-by-day.
I smile and let things roll off my back because why carry stress when you don't need it.

But underneath, I worry.
I worry that my students will be lost without my student teacher.
I worry I  will be lost without my student teacher.
I worry.
I worry that I am turning into my paranoid schizophrenic father every time a thought passes through my brain that what someone did was intended to hurt me.
I worry that growing out my hair long will turn me back into that shy quiet girl that never knew how to style her hair.
I worry.

But, on the surface, you will see the fierce me, the "I'm-fine." me, the don't-worry-about-me, let-me-worry-about-you me...
...because I have learned people find worries petty.
...Or maybe I find my worries petty.
...and maybe I would consider that another worry.

But either way, I don't want you to worry about my worries.
I just need space for these transitions so I can accept these changes..
... or at least that's what my dreams tell me.

Look alikes

You know how people say that dogs look like their owners?

Or you are turning into your mother?

Well... I experienced this weekend (going to my hometown for Easter) a combo of those two.
No. no. ...Not dogs and mothers.

People I grew up with married spouses that look like their parents!!
I mean, seriously, it was crazy.  I would see these "kids" that were now in their 30's following behind their mom,  I mean, wife up for communion. And it wasn't like one or two of them!!  It was like most of them!

I just couldn't get past it.

I guess if you were raised by a good example, it is fine to emulate it with your spouse...
But tight mini skirts and big hair was not attractive when your mom tried to pull it off in the 90's ...
and it's also not attractive when your wife is trying to pull it off today.

Just sayin'

Casualty of war

I realize that Facebook is not a war area...
But I do know that I am VERY much a people pleaser.

I don't like it when I know people don't like me... it makes me feel very uncomfortable.
In fact, I will pretty much do anything to get that person to like me... OR avoid them at all costs.

Facebook has put a new spin on "friendships" for me.
You see... I know that people "unfriend" people for MANY different reasons... I get that.

But I have recently become "a casualty of war" when it comes to FB friends...
I have become unfriended because friends of mine are fighting with other friends of mine.
To ensure they son't have ANY contact with that other person OR because they think I will take the other person's side, they have unfriended me.

I really feel like this is middle-schoolish!
I try not to take it personally and let it roll off my back... but I really hate the fact that there are previous friends out there that haven't let me say my piece. :/