I don't have a relationship with my dad.
He was physically abusive to my mom.
He was mentally ill.
On meds, he was fine... but he refused to take his meds.
I wrote him off many years ago.
He has always sent random things to me in the mail.
A photocopy of a bill
A book jacket.
I didn't get it.
In fact, when I was young, it royally pissed me off.
I couldn't understand why he couldn't just pick up a pen and write me a note like a normal dad would.
Two days ago, I got and envelope with a flyer in it telling about a stroke clinic at the hospital near his home.
I rolled my eyes and threw the envelope and the flyer away.
Today my younger brother called me... he told me that he had spoken with our aunt (my dad's sister) and that my dad wasn't doing well. She wouldn't go into detail. My brother also got the stroke flyer. He thinks our dad had a stroke and this was his way of telling us.
Who knew I was supposed to crack the code?
What things have I missed over the years because I didn't know this was some Sherlock Holmes mystery that I had to solve??
Father's Day is pushing upon us... my brother says he is going to try to make a trip to see our dad.
He is several states away.
If I ran into him on the street, I wouldn't know him from any other joe.
But deep down, I know he is still my dad... and I'm not sure I would be okay with myself if I let him just "pass on." I'm too empathetic for that.
But, I just don't know if I have it in me to watch someone struggle for their life and then grieve... for someone I truly don't know.
Surfing Sunday 02.18
4 days ago