The end of an era... guess I'm "Smart" now

Here is my old cell phone. (*tear)

You see the liquid looking stuff swimming around in the inside??  Yeah... that would be cranberry juice.

Yesterday morning, I tossed my old cell on the passenger seat beside me. Normal every day occurrence.

I placed my morning cranberry juice in the cup holder. (What?! I'm a teacher. I don't pee all day... gotta keep the bladder infections away one way or another.)

I head down the curvy road to work.

(Did I mention curvy??)

Yeah... so I head around a curve and my cell phone slides across my seat and plunk into my juice it goes.

I seriously froze. I looked at my cell phone with bubbles coming up from it and I froze. All I could think was, "I'm in my cute white sundress ...and that cranberry juice it red ...and I don't want that on me... and I don't want have anything to dry it off with ...and OH MY GOSH!! MY PHONE!!"

I then pulled it out holding it above the cup juice dripping from it.  I couldn't believe that I had stopped to think about what I was going to do which made my phone more of a goner.

...but it forced me into a decision that I was dragging my feet on.
I purchased a "smart" phone almost 6 weeks ago.

My goal was to lower my payment... but I had technical difficulty and the company had to keep sending me new SIM cards.  After 4 attempts, I gave up on it. I carried around my "dumb" phone to make calls on and carried my new phone for all of the other cool features.

I guess you could say it allowed me to ease myself into it.

But yesterday... the "easing in" ended abruptly.

I'm still recovering from the undecided change, but I'm happy to report that my new phone pairs to my new car... so I won't be leaving it in my seat for it to find my cranberry juice.

Sometimes ignoring is the appropriate response

Let me just tell you... ignoring is not what I want to be doing right now.

Walking up to W. and shaking her and saying, "My child has finally gotten over the hurt you have put in his life!  Why must you come back for more??!!"

You see... 2 and a half years ago, R and his girlfriend at the time, W. broke up because she cheated on R.
Colby had grown very attached to her. Because we, as parents, didn't tell him why they were done (that is NOT a conversation you have with your 7 year old), it was hard for him to move forward.

He cried and had nightmares. My heart broke because there was nothing I could do to heal that pain.

Time does a wonderful job of healing it though... along with R. finding a wonderful woman who sees eye to eye with me.

And I thought we were done with that hurt... but W. started coming to the boys' ball games last week and she came again tonight.  She has moved next door to one of the boy's families that is on Colby's ball team. Her reason for coming??  To supposedly support her neighbor.  But what she is really doing is dragging my son back through past hurt.

We arrived home tonight and I got the boys ready for bed as usual.  It's normal for Colby to talk in his sleep.  Many a nights I stand at his door and listen to the "conversations" he has with his friends or with Sam.  But  tonight, it fell into a time that I thought we had moved past. Night terrors.

He thankfully woke up fairly quickly and I took him into my room with me.  But I know it has to do with her.  I know that he still can't process that pain.

I just wish she could see it and understand.
I just wish she that move on and stay out of the vicinity of my children... because if she really did care for them, I would hope that she would think of them instead of "supporting the neighbors".
I wish I could shake her and tell her to "Please just stop!!"
But instead... I will just ignore her and hope my son doesn't see her.

When something doesn't feel right, it's God's way of telling you to turn around

I know in my last post I was floored.

But the strange part about it is... from day one of my assistant superintendent coming to ask me if I would be interested in that job, I was nervous.

Any time anyone would ask me about it, I would have a pit in my stomach. I would down-talk my chances of getting the job (even though the higher ups had assured me I was a shoe-in). I even convinced the gal, who got the job (a friend of mine), to apply for the position. (duh. I know.)

I tried really hard to tell myself that it was just because of the unknown... but really it was about what I knew I would be missing - the kids.

Sad that it had to be my ex, R, to point that out to me while I was dragging down in the bottom of the dumps the day I found out that I didn't get it.  He said, "You are a great teacher. Who is going to take care of the ones like RW if you don't?  It is for the best."

And he was right. (don't tell him I said that ;)

I was caught counting the eggs

I am a firm believer in not counting my chickens before they hatch.
I normally never want to believe something good is going to happen just in case something could go wrong.
Normally.

But, you see, back in November my assistant superintendent came and asked me if I would be interested in a district tech position if they created it.  I was told that I was the only candidate that they were looking at... that no one else was even on their radar.

In January, I was told to be patient because this job was made for me and soon it would come to fruition.

In February, they finally posted the job and my principal and I made plans for all of the cool things we could do technology-wise in my building.

I interviewed on Monday.
Today... I found out that I didn't get the job.

I'm kinda numb.
I normally don't count my chickens before they hatch... but I was definitely caught counting the eggs...

When reality slaps you in the face

I was driving down the road with Ty in my new car and the gas light came on.
I casually mentioned that I would need to stop soon for gas.
His response?? "Let's see how far we can make it before it runs out."

A memory hit me so hard, I wasn't sure I could respond.
I shook my head no and whispered, "Been there, done that."

Ty (of course, not knowing) laughs and says, "So? who hasn't ran out of gas before?"

So I got to relive the time that I was stranded an hour from home and even though I was headed to see Spencer, he wouldn't come rescue me.

You see... I am a resourceful gal.  I am not beyond hiking on foot.  But I was an hour from home... on a road that didn't show a town for miles on my GPS... and it was snowing.
My GPS did show a gas station a mile away... but how was I to know if it was actually STILL there OR open.
I tried calling TripleA but they didn't have anyone in the area that serviced on the weekends.
Spencer told me that he needed to take a nap and he definitely  didn't need to be on the road an extra 2 hours to come save me when he had 6 hours of driving ahead of him.

Thankfully my brother, Tim, who was in town for Christmas came and brought me gas.

Ty just stared at me and said, "Are you serious? Someone wouldn't come help you?"

And that's when it hit me... that I had no self-worth in that relationship with Spencer.  I would never allow Ty to treat me that way (not that he would), but to have someone not help you and then to continue on to go and visit them like nothing was wrong.

It made me fight back the tears and thank God now value myself so much more and expect it from the man in my life as well.

Time is neither friend nor enemy it's just a measurement.

My spring break felt like weeks and flew by all in one.

I didn't have my boys most of my spring break...It's hard to fill my days when everyone is at work and I have no motivation.

And that kind of sounds like I am complaining, but I'm not.

I had a wonderful, lay around and do nothing sort of break... and sometimes you need that.

I needed that.

I had a LOT of think time and by mid-week though, I had decided that my lemon of a car was just that and I no longer wanted to fight with the dealership in trying to get a transmission fixed that they didn't believe was broken.

So I went and traded it off.

Some of you are probably thinking, "So???"

But you see, I had my car before this one for 12 years. TWELVE years!! I seriously cried and took a picture of it before I left it in the dealer's lot.

It had become a part of me and I wasn't sure if I would ever be able to love a car as much as I had loved that one.  It was my first BRAND new car. I loved telling people how it was the showroom floor car and that it only had 24 miles on it when I bought it.  I was SO proud of it!!

My last car, I reluctantly bought.  I had done my research. I had saved some money up. I knew what I wanted, but I hate going into debt.  I didn't have a choice though.  My Cavalier was slowly dying.

I bought it on Black Friday (which my Sister-in-law now tells me is bad luck.) I thought I was happy with it until the fuse to the radio was burnt out.  Easy fix, but it gave me a bad feeling.  That bad feeling subsided as I begun to love different little features of my new car that my old car couldn't have even thought of.  I loved the hatchback and it was perfect for delivering cakes. It had a regular plug in (that the boys just loved!) that was used to recharge batteries, run DVD players, and anything else we could come up with.

But I didn't love that the motherboard went out in the first year, and the barrings - front and back - went out in the second, and the transmission just kept getting worse and worse.

So, as I lay around my house doing nothing, I decided I needed to be done with it.

I really fought myself because once I dedicate myself to something, I am FULLY in - whether it be a car or a relationship.

So, I went in and said my piece and walked away with this beauty.

I wouldn't say I love it yet... but it is growing on me... and given time, I might even cry over having to sell it one day.

To be idle is a short road to death and to be diligent is a way of life

I guess there is NO short road to death for me!!  ...and heaven knows, no one could accuse me of being idle lately.
My blog is obviously something that got put by the wayside.
I mean... seven posts in the month of January and February?? That's just down right pitiful, if you ask me.

There have been MANY a post that were written in my head that never made it to the keyboard.

They would have told you about frustrations of hoops that had to be jumped through that I don't believe are benefiting students of mine that need extra help.
They would have told you of proud moments... and sad ones... and ones that made me laugh out loud.

But I don't have the time... or the energy to produce those pieces that never got written down.  So just trust me.  The last few months have had it's ups and downs.

Let me just give you some of the highlights...

My cake decorating has taken off again.  I was asked to attach business cards to a coupon to have stuffed into bags for a local 5K.
No biggie, right??  Well... it is for a gal that didn't have business cards. (oops. - who KNEW I would need them?)
So, I ordered and they arrived one day before I was supposed to deliver them. (Thank the dear Lord!!)

Here are just a few cakes I have done lately...

A baby reveal cake

A baby shower cake

An air force going away party cake

Oh... and who could forget the 8 dozen of these beauties?

My children continue to make me the proudest Momma around ...Colby got selected for a Champion of Character award by my Alma mater.

and Sam got the Top Tiger award (character award) at his school.

You would think that them getting character awards every year would get old... but trust me, it doesn't!!  It reminds me that in this crazy world, I'm doing something right.  I thank the good Lord every day for well behaved children (and the resistance to not OVER correct when they do something that others would find minuscule.)

My friend, Kelly, got diagnosed with stage 4 Hodgkin's lymphoma cancer in January. I know this is scary for anyone who gets news like this about their friends... but I just can't wrap my head around it.  She's too young  ...and too beautiful ...and, honestly, too healthy to have cancer.  I haven't seen her in person since her chemo has started.  I plan to do that this week. I told her I was going to come rub her beautiful bald head... and I will... because I know it will make her laugh... but as I do, I know I will be fighting back tears and be repeating silent prayers that my friend won't be taken from this world too soon.

Kel getting a round of chemo rocking her new short hair cut

If a friend with cancer isn't stressful enough, I have also applied for a new position in my school district. It is a district technology job.  I struggle internally daily.  I worry that I will miss the classroom and the kiddos.  I have basically been told that the job is mine... so why am I so nervous to count my chickens before they hatch?  Anytime any of my friends ask me about it, I downgrade myself and say that I'm not sure it will go my way.  Guess I don't want to get my hopes up in case the unexpectant happens??  I have the full support of my principal and everyone around me... and still I have a pit in my stomach.

In my classroom, my little RW has fallen of the behavior wagon AGAIN.  She has been naughty for everyone EXCEPT me. Which sounds great and all... except that it is for things that are getting her put into in-school suspension and out of my classroom.  Who knew I would want that child inside my classroom instead of out?

Ty and I continue to date.  The topic of marriage has not come up between us lately, but for some reason, it is on everyone else's  brain.  I filter questions about marriage almost daily.
It's exhausting really.  Because again, it is an area that I don't have answers to.  Sure, ideally, I would like to get married again, but then there is that self-reliant part of me that doesn't want to get hurt again and knows that keeping that little bit of distance is good for my own self preservation.

I continue to have AMAZING people be part of my life.  Ones the look out for me even when I don't have time to look out for myself.  I love that God sends people like that into your life.  I have a friend that called me up and asked what I had done for myself lately.  When I couldn't answer, they showed up the next day with a little gift for me... I shook my head and tried to tell them I couldn't accept it.  Of course, no was not an option.  I promised them that I would pay their kindness forward to someone else I saw not taking time for themselves... Funny how I already know I will do that, but wasn't willing to take the time to do it for me.

So there you have it.
MANY reasons I have't sat down to blog.
Also the same reasons I should be blogging.