A dark cloud looms

You see me, I smile.
These days it is probably forced, but I still smile.
I do it so you don't know.
You know me as the happy-go-lucky one. The one who sees the silver lining on every dark cloud.
But right now...
Right now that dark cloud is engulfing me... Taking over my whole being.
I'm snippy.
I complain.
I'm downright in a generally sour mood pretty much all the time.
This isn't me.
I joke.
I laugh.
I enjoy a good time.
I don't like myself like this...
So I smile.

Inside though, I hurt.
I see my friends doing things without me and I hurt,
I know I have been off the grid for a while doing my masters... But "they" say if they are your true friends, they will wait for you.
"They" are wrong.
Here I am, done with my masters, and still no invite.
And it hurts.

And that dark cloud feels like it is growing because of the hurt...
And my silver lining is falling in the form of tears.
The smile is fading...