Finding the Light

For those of you that know me, I was raised in the church and was a VERY strong Christian as a child and young adult.

The death of my mom changed my path for a while.  I was mad at God for taking my mom from me.

When Colby was born, I tried to bring myself back to the church for the sake of my child.  I also, deep down, hoped that would be the reason why R. (my ex) would find the desire to start attending church with me.  It wasn't.

I hated attending alone.  I felt like I would have to answer the question of "Where is your husband?" and that embarrassed me, so I didn't go.

After my divorce, I felt like that question could easily be answered and so the doors of the church found the boys and I walking through them quite frequently.  I became part of the Education Committee and I started to feel like I had found my niche.

Then our pastor retired.  Changes began happening at our church.  I would attend church, but I felt empty there... but I didn't have an answer.  I felt like leaving my church was like giving up on someone when they are struggling.

Just recently one of my friends from church said she had started attending our satellite church and they were going to start confirmation classes geared at 9-13 year olds.  Since I had already questioned our new pastor about confirmation classes and he told me that he wasn't going to hold them until the kids reached 8th grade, I knew this was the time for change.  I feel bad that my boys aren't as well versed in the Bible as they should be.  I carry that very heavy burden on my shoulders daily.

So, we had our first confirmation class tonight.  Colby in one group.  Sam in the other.  I fought back the tears repeatedly throughout the lesson.  You see, this confirmation class is not only bringing the light to them... but it is also bringing it back to me.