Crossroads

I can feel it.
I can feel myself pulling away.
I don't know why... we had such a great weekend last weekend.
But I feel it.
It's the instinct that I have where I know if I go much further, I'm gonna get hurt... or someone's gonna get hurt...
... and so my walls start to go up and I want to run.

And I begin to question why I wasn't worth fighting for in my marriage...
and if I wasn't worth fighting for then, am I worth fighting for now?

I don't feel like I have that kind of fight in me anymore.
I used to be so strong in believing that good always won out.
But it doesn't.
And I don't believe that any more.

I believe there are good stents.
And you hang on to them as long as you can...
But they will end.
And when they do someone will get hurt.

So that is why I put up my walls and run...
Because the pain from running is a lot less than the pain from staying... and not being worth fighting for.
Or at least that is what I have convinced myself.

So... here I am, standing at the crossroads trying to decide a path of whether to stay or run.

The Windy City is more than wind

Todd's birthday was this weekend.
He wanted to celebrate big.
I wanted him to celebrate big.

So... when he suggested we go and stay with his best friend, Matt and his wife, Shannon, who was I to say no??

(You should know I have always been a go-er.  Even as a kid if someone was just going into town to wal-mart, I was sure to tag along!!)

Chicago stole my heart a few years ago, so any chance to go back is a chance I'm going to take!!

We left right after my school meeting and ate crazy gas station food on the way.

We arrived well after dark.

We woke up the next morning to the sound of this...  

But nothing could dampen my spirits because it was Todd's birthday!!

I decorated this cake at home 2 nights before and had done everything in my powers to NOT let him know.

When he opened it, he almost dumped it out of the box because he thought it was a plaque to hang on the wall... I guess, I did good. :)

What to expect when you're... the first woman he's dated since his divorce

Yeah...
I have been here before.

I somehow attract men that are freshly out in the dating world.

Don't get me wrong... Being in the dating world too long can make you cynical. It can make you believe that there really isn't anyone out there and you are just going to float through life alone.

So, new and optimistic that a love can happen again is great!

But with that positive outlook also comes with exes.

Exes who have never had to experience and adjusting to their ex being with someone new.
Exes who have never thought about their child being around someone new.
Exes who want to hurt the man that you now care deeply for.

Yeah.
So... here's my two cents worth... for what it's worth.

It is an adjustment, so let them adjust.  Also, let the kids adjust. Sure, they maybe loving all the fun we are having, but they also have to share daddy... and sometimes sharing makes jealousy rears its ugly head.  So give them time... and let them all adjust.

I get it.  I want to know who my children are around, so let me meet your ex.  Let me talk to her so she can see that I mean no harm to her child and that I will love that little one, but that won't replace her as the mom. I'm a good person and I want your ex to see that too.

Of course you two are not always on the best of terms, but how you react about her tells me a LOT about you... and vice versa.  So, remember to be cordial (when really what you want to do is rip their head off.) and know that sometimes the other party just needs to blow off a little steam.

So... Yes, I have advice to give about what to do or not do (because this isn't my first rodeo), but really it's advice I would rather not give.